Okay I found out my hubby....?

Question

wrote to his ex- fiance.... this is what he wrote
hey Ame, how have you've been.
i know we havent seen each other since that night but hey it is the past just wanted to say hi is all. i dont know why but i look you up and there you were. Me i am married ( just this year) now have a 2 1/2 year old daughter named wendy and am now the manager of the whole I.T. department at yes still at _________. Talk to Summer every now and then. My Brother _____ was killed by a cop aug of last year, and am still coping with that. I heard for your dad once a few years ago and last i heard they took the kids but i hope they are back with him. Hope the best for you. ______.......
now what do you think.... should i be worried about that "last" night? Maybe it was before me..... but why is he looking her up on myspace and sending her messages?

yeah i dont want to aproch him directly because he doesnt know i have his myspace password... so if i tell him he'll know and change it... so i want to ast slowly and find out more.... im waiting till she gets the message and read the response...

yes... i have been there with him for his brothers death... ive arranged a mass gone to the cementary, cried with him.... everything....

oh and he and his ex ended bad... she took off w/ everything he had car, laptop, furniture,money and he went into depression.... so why would he want to talk w/ her

opps typo... she took off with his car, laptop ect....... as in stole all his possesions

This happened on monday and he still hasnt told me anything.... he knows how i feel about talking to ex'es, ive gotten messeges from my ex'es and out of respect for him i dont even open them.... I trust him but with her. hmmmmm... i mean she took off with everything on a day when he was working... and according to him he never saw her again... so that night im sure was after that incident.... And for those who say that im snooping around .. your right i shouldnt be i normally dont ... but see when i did... look what ifoundout...

Answer 1

It had to be before you two were married because he told her
he was married now,she would have known that if it was after you two were together. I would be very worried about it why would a married man want to talk to an ex if not for sex and if it was innocent why keep it a secret from you.

Answer 2

My husband just did the same thing recently. I wass Pissed off to say the least. I almost left him over this. His was also a how are you kind of message nothing romantic or sexual at all. So I know where you are coming from. When I asked him about it he said that he came across her and wanted to see how she was. He too mentioned being married with children. He did not understand why I was so mad. I did not understand why he thought I would not be mad. After freaking out for a couple of days I realized that it was probably a harmless how are you type of thing. And that I need to trust him, in saying that I think that he needs to understand that you do not like him doing this. I figure that if my man truely did want to step out on me, it would be his loss because I know that I am better than that. Tell him that I'm sorry to hear about his brother.

Answer 3

last night is a strong word but it might be before you or it can be a talk on the phone.
The thing is that in his message he sound very depress and have no one to talk to. Do you help him with his feeling for his brother death?
I mean guy don't like to show their weak spot to their wife but and ex or a good friend is okay. The reason for not telling you, my experience from my girl is that she will get upset because I did this and said this and have a diary dated in 2001. She cry and almost ran away. We are together for 4 year and thinking marriage in 3 months. Now you tell me, is something in 2001 really something to be upset about, when you know I don't like cleaning. The diary was stuck inside an old box somewhere and she have me remodel my room so she can move in. anyway back to you
So don't worry to much, he is just feeling down.

Answer 4

you two definitely need to have a conversation. but not about this e-mail. obviously you two are not on the same page on what is appropriate and what isn't appropriate in a marriage. with me, i think any conversation with any female that i cannot see or know about is inappropriate. if my husband cannot have the same conversation with me standing next to him, he shouldn't be having that conversation at all. same goes for me.
now telling every single thing you say to any woman or man all day long is stretching it, but an ex should definitely be brought up at least a few days after it has occurred.
in the letter, it looks as if "that night" was the night she took off with all of his stuff. and someone on here did make a point about his brother dying. maybe he just needed a new ear to talk about it with. sometimes when i am stressing, a new ear can be helpful.
if he brings up the message, let it go. but let him know what you consider to make you uncomfortable. and be open on what he may have to say what would make him uncomfortable.

Answer 5

I would think he is trying to get "closure" which there is nothing wrong in doing so, but often it is misinterpreted as wanting to get back with the former. Not so, he just needs to get some balance as to level out some things within himself not finished and possibly haunting him and be able to close the book of that chapter of his life within himself. There are things that were possibly said and done he may still regret and he is just trying to more or less forgive himself.
I looked up a former and sent email because I needed closure or forgiveness of myself. Maybe a dozen emails later, I never bothered to write again. I had what I needed and moved on.

Answer 6

Really, it sounds innocent enough. It reads to me like someone coming across someone they know and just catching up. We can't erase the people our partners have known in the past.

Are you snooping on him or what? I would come clean and explain to him that you saw the mail he sent. Let him know of any worries or jealous feelings you might have over it and let him explain what his intention was in sending the message.

I wouldn't blow it out of proportion just yet, especially if he's not given you cause for concern in his daily interactions with you.

Just wanted to add that ken401Iam below me makes a good point about any depressed feelings your hubby may have over the passing of his brother that he mentions in the message.

Answer 7

First of all, STOP SNOOPING!!! You are setting yourself up! Has he done something to make you not trust him? If not, then why do you think it is ok to do this?

I don't see anything wrong with what he wrote. It sounds innocent to me. She was a part of his past and he had the opportunity to fill her in on what had been going on in his life. He told her about you!! He didn't say he wanted to hook up with her! He didn't even ask her to respond! I think you are being controlling and nosey and you may find out that it will backfire in your face!!

Answer 8

sounds innocent enough to me. I LOOKED UP A EX on myspace we were really great friends. I caught him up on the news about my life. He was glad to hear from me. Were both married now i still like hearing from him. I however would not meet him anywhere or anything.

Answer 9

Coming from experience. Dont let him know what you know. Keep reading to see what is going on. I have a spywear on my computer at home and when iam in doubt the program tells me everything!

Answer 10

It's very possible he thought of her and just wanted to let her know that despite her actions he is happy and has gone on with his life. His way of rubbing her nose in it. The letter sounds innocent enough. Your actions however are a threat to the relationship, and you don't want him to know you have his password so you can continue to spy on him. I think you better ask yourself why you have these trust issues.