My husband....?

Question

does not like my mother much. He does not like the way she raised me and some of the things she has done in the past. My mom and I are on good terms and close now.

How do I let him know that he is entitled to his opinion but needs to back off? I love her and I don't like that he does not trust her/like her much.

Answer 1

you say "Honey.. I love you but you need to back off Mom." "I love her and while i understand your reasons for not trusting or liking her much, you are creating a situation where you are going to make me choose. I have worked very hard to re-establish a good relationship with her. One that is different than the one we had before. This relationship is important to me.. in different ways that you are important to me. Don't make me choose, because either way.. I will loose."

"I love you and need your support on this."

Answer 2

This kind of problem with in-laws are quite common. He needs to learn to respect her as his mother-in-law or at least try to get along with her, even if he does not like her. A husband should do this if he truly loves his wife.

I think you've already answered your own question on what to do. Just talk to your husband and tell him to back off, even though he disagrees with her, she is your mom after all and you love her. Remind him the whatever your mom did in the past is not of his concern; the past is the past, so he should be more concerned with he present and future. Also, ask him, how would he feel if you started to disrespect his mom or dad?

If possible, try to work it out between them. See if he's willing to make compromises. But first talk to him in private (just the two of you) and then see if he;s willing to speak with your mom to resolve whatever issues he has with her. But if he's still unwilling to compromise or even try to work things out with your mom, tell him that although he's entitled to his opinions, he must try to to get along with her the best he can, at least for your sake.

Overall, the best advice I can give you is to have good talk with your husband so he understands how important this is to you.

Answer 3

He is only afraid she will hurt you again. Simply tell him, no matter what, she is your mom and he needs to be supportive and happy of the fact the two of you are getting closer. You understand he doesn't want you hurt again, but having her close to you makes you happy - that if he would forgive her the past, then he might see the qualities you are seeing in her also.

Answer 4

I would recommend telling him just like you told us. He's entitled to trust or not trust whomever he chooses, but he should maintain basic respect and cordiality for your sake, if nothing else. Remind him that certain human relationships are inviolate: parent and child, and spouse to spouse. Recognizing that truth in one relationship prevents causing harm to another one.

Answer 5

Tell him how you feel, but don't expect him to change. Just respect and understand that he has his opinion about him. It doesn't sound like he's going to change, and honestly, that whole thing about the "dreaded MIL" is not always just a myth, a lot of men/women don't get along or don't like their MIL.
He doesn't have to like her, but he does have tolerate her, and not constantly bash her especially if you don't like it

Answer 6

You could tell him that he is entitled to his opinion but needs to back off. Tell him you love her and you don't like that he does not trust her/like her much.

Just a guess.....

Answer 7

Just like that... "honey, you're entitled to your opinion, but she is my mother, and you need to back off when it comes to my relationship with her". You, in turn, need to accept that he doesn't like her and doesn't trust her... After all, he IS entitled to his opinion.

Answer 8

You can tell him how you feel but it probably won't do any good..... he will feel that he is entitled to his opionion because of his love for you......