Putting off responsibility for SEX? Can anyone explain?

Question

Last night my husband and I were making out. Earlier he told me he had things do, so i stopped our making out session and told him to go do those things, then we could just be together and not be bothered. He then said "Ok then i will do them tomorrow".....this would not have been bad, but I aksed my husband if i just wanted you to watch tv with me would you still put your things off for me and he said no. Then he asked me "Do you feel closer to me when we just watch tv, or have sex?"That comment made me feel that he only cares about the sex, and we just ended up argueing. He blamed me for ruinning the mood...can anyone explain my husband? Do all men act like this, and is this disrespectful?

If sex makes him feel closer to me, does that say the relationship is all about SEX?

This man when upset will yell, curse, say **** You, and has told me to shut up in the past.

Answer 1

You are overthinking and starting an arguement on such a silly thing.
It's not that he "only cares about sex"... he cares about the intimacy he has with you, which as we all know, goes above and beyond sex.

Answer 2

I don't see anything disrespectful about it; you're overthinking big time. So, maybe he feels closer to you when you have sex than when you watch TV? So what? Different people find different things more rewarding. I'm sorry to say but you did ruin the mood, and this argument should have never happen. Apologize to him and make up - it's not worth it!

P.S. Jessie gets thumbs up.

P.P.S. That he yells at you at other times has nothing to do with the argument at hand. If the argument is really about how you feel you're treated overall, it needs to be framed as such. That's a wholly different issue. It's disrespectful to yell and curse at anyone (your spouse, your friends, your parents, I don't care) - it has NOTHING to do with sex or watching TV. If you don't want to be disrespected, then put your foot down when he does it, instead of picking fights where none are called for. What you do and don't tolerate is up to you alone.

Answer 3

Why in the world did you ask him your husband...." if i just wanted you to watch TV with me would you still put your things off for me and he said no." To me, that is an odd question at a intimate time. Hell, sex is a very intimate thing... you can watch TV with a stranger....Of course sex makes anyone feel closer. I don't feel close to a stranger that I watch tv with in a waiting room... I'm a woman and I think most men are really insensitive at times, but I'm sorry, I've gotta say that you started this argument with a silly question and then turned it into WWIII for no good reason. I think you were disrespectful to him... his feelings..............You are going to teach your husband that it is not safe to be honest with you... Then you'll be on the forum in a few years complaining that he lies to you.

Answer 4

I am a man and I will tell you my view of this.

I feel very close when having sex, making out, and doing thins as such. Watching TV is not spending quality time together its letting other people that you don't know entertain you. There is a big difference. With intimacy you are just spending one on one time together with nobody else involved.

If you are having problems with this that is because you are a girl with different wants, believes, and needs. Its not that your wrong or he is wrong its that you look at things differently.

I also feel you led him on by making out and then interrupting it with telling him to go do his other things. When you did this you got a powerful emotion going in him along with chemicals running through his body. Even if he was just after sex you still got hormones running through his body and then blasted them.

Women and Men are created equal but have very different needs, wants, and desires. You need to work with him and see if you can come to understanding each other.

Let him read this. He may be willing to sit down with you and explain to you how he feels, and he may be willing to listen to you in return.

Nether of you are wrong or right but in your own minds you may feel you are.

Good luck and if all else get a professional.


EDIT: I just read the part about him telling you **** you and to shut up. This is wrong! but just a little part of the big unknown story. I am sorry that he has said these things to you, however; what have you done, said, or insinuated about him?

If you won't things to change then move your right foot foreword and start to look at your self. What do you do to make matters worse? What could you do to improve the situation?

You can not change a person but you can change the situations. Take charge without him even knowing it and believe me if you change your actions he will slowly change his do to the change in environment.

If the situation is worse then I think it is then you may need to take other actions.

Answer 5

Oh good grief woman can you say overly sensative and over reacting?

You were making out with the guy, he was getting aroused - all of a sudden you put the breaks on for him to go "do stuff"?

Are you nuts?

Why couldn't you have just said to hell with the "stuff" he had to do and just spent the entire evening just together? Sex AND tv?

After getting aroused like that, and then cut off - I don't know a guy who would feel like doing anything either. You basically were a huge tease - and there was no guarantee anything would happen later.

It wasn't disrespectful at all - he has a right to choose what he does and doesn't do, at that moment, all that mattered was being with you - and that apparently wasn't enough for you.

Answer 6

Actually he was giving you a compliment. He was telling you that he values his intimacy with you more than what he had to do, but watching tv did not rate up there with your and his intimacy. The time that you stopped so he could go do something, was time with just you and him, intimate time together as husband and wife and he was willing to do what he needed to do later so as not to interrupt that time with you. He put you first and rather than be thankful for that, you think he is being disrespectful and thinking only about sex. Maybe you need to think about where you put the value of tv?

Answer 7

Every relationship is about sex....the degree of sex is up to you and your partner!! I feel closer to my woman when we are having sex...why because we are one pleasing each other and their is nothing else that matter but your partner getting that big O!! When you are cuddling watching TV...tv is on your mind or out to dinner you eating food talking about life or what ever! Now don't get me wrong dinner movies walks and cuddling is a VERY important but, their is no better connection between an man and a woman when they are having HOT SEX!! Sorry but if it's good and hot then no better connection because at that moment you are 1 with 1 goal in mind...pleasing each other!! All this is only if you love pleasing you special someone, if your a jerk then you only care about yours!!

Answer 8

The funny thing about sex is some men and women process it differently. We women like a shower and fresh breath and clean sheets and a man says oh heck with it, lets do it anyway, I don't care about those things I just want to be with you. Sounds like you just had a little communication mix up he wanted to hear that the only thing that was important to you was being with him and you wanted to make sure that you could concentrate on being with him and get the other things out of the way.
There is nothing wrong with having a husband that wants to be with you and puts that top on his list. Enjoy and make sure you focus on the important things, your relationship, keep yourself close and make sure that you talk things out.
Good Luck.

Answer 9

He's telling you that he feels closer to you having sex. He will drop everything to spend that kind of time with you because it helps him feel close to you and wanted. tv does not give him the same feeling.

He's actually not being all that rude. He is pointing out that he will drop things to spend time with you, but he has priorities. He feels like chores come before tv but also that your marriage comes before any of it. I think you are mistaking his lack of desire to watch TV as a lack of desire to spend time with you. I don't think that's what he meant at all.

I understand that your hurt but you need to relax a bit and think about this. What makes you feel close to him?????


For many women it's being heard. We like to talk things out and if someone really listens and hears us we feel loved and respected. For many men though they get that same feeling from sex. It is NOT that sex is all that matters. It's their way of getting close, of bonding. It is truly not an insult.

If your mad at him for being disrespectful in other ways I'm sorry. I was only trying to answer your original question. I think many, many men act this way (except that most will skip chores to watch TV too LOL) they are not being rude just desiring to feel close.

Answer 10

Ideally a time of cuddling and watching tv together should be just as close as sex. As a guy, i personally prefer cuddling and watching tv together, it seems more natural and fufilling, and healthier for the relationship. dont mistake me, sex is good but i think precious close times of cuddles etc are just as if not more important.