My 15 yo old son doesn't trust me, what can I do?

Question

He's a very good boy, good student, great son. But unfortunately he doesn't trust me nor his dad. I don't why can't realize why. He doesn't talk with aus about his problems, he tries to solve them on his own.He'd rather get advice from a teacher he likes than from me, though I'm his mom. He doesn't share with us important points of his life. He volunteered to help sone children, especially with math, something really beautiful and didn't say a word to us.
He's been sad lately, depressed, but doesn't tell us what is going on. Why is he like that, what did I do not to deserve his trust? He's nice, I don't have anything to complain, but this is letting me really down. It's terrible for a parent to know her children doesn't trust her.

Answer 1

you just need to talk to him more thats all.

Answer 2

Congratulations. You are the proud parents of a perfectly normal fifteen year old boy.
Things change between parents and children during the teen years. They're at that age where they aren't quite adults, but they certainly aren't children anymore, either. It leads to feeling of isolation for the teen, as s/he does not fit into either group all the way.
Give your son his space. When he wants advice, he will come to you. That doesn't mean don't watch him though. Stay keen for signs that this isolation is leading him to run with an unsavory crowd or do other potentially harmful things.
So just keep your eyes open, give him space, and don't worry until you see cause to. Otherwise, you'll miss out on what are certainly the most interesting years of child rearing.

Answer 3

I have one that age too, and have raised two other children to adulthood, one is 23, and 21. This is normal. They are going through a phase at that age, and need privacy. When he wants to he will open up to you. It's better just to allow him space, and let him know if he ever wants to talk, you're there. If he does share with you don't react in a way that will make him NOT want to share again. Try to be understanding. Eventually things change.
The reason he t talks to the teacher is because the teacher is neutral and won't react as a family member would, at least he is talking to an adult. That's a good thing! Sounds like a great kid, just give him time.
Have a great day. =)

Answer 4

He's a teenage boy - this is what they do! They want to be adults, so of course they don't "run to mommy and daddy" with every problem they have.

Best Advice:
1) Tell him you love him at least once a day (preferably NOT when there are other people present, and NEVER in front of friends.)
2) Ask him what his day was like, and let him say "nothing special" without getting the "third degree."
3) Let him know now and then (say once a month) that if there's anything he wants to talk about, you're available.

DON'T push, he'll only pull away harder.
DON'T NAG, he'll only build up resentment.
DON'T take it personally - he's your son, your his mother, and you'll both survive his "growing up."

Answer 5

First of all, don't beat yourself up about it. It's very rare that a 15 yr old boy goes to his parents like the old "Leave it To Beaver" days. It's really has less to do with trust than it does with just being uncomfortable for some reason discussing it with his parents. Think about it, I'm sure there's things even today that you would not seek advice from your parents and would turn to a friend or other mentor.

Just continue to try to get him to talk to you, tell him you love him and be there for him when he needs you. There WILL come a time when he realizes how much he needs his parents and appreciates everything you have done for him.

weeder

Answer 6

Don't fret. He's 15. He seems like a good kid, but he doesn't want to be like his parents, which is not only normal, but the correct approach. He is trying to become his own man. Getting advice from you will turn him into the same person you turned into. Which isn't a bad thing, but that's not what kids want. Kids want to make their own mark.

As far as being depressed, I'm not shocked. Do you remember being 15? He is expected to be an adult every day but doesn't get any of the advantages. Can't drive, can't get a real job, doesn't live on his own. Hell, he can't even rent an R rated movie. 15 is a depressing time. He'll snap out of it when he gets his first car.

Answer 7

Ok first of all has he told you that he didnt trust you? As parents we want to know everything about what our children do. But hes a teen be grateful that he is doing something productive instead of getting into trouble. You havent done anything wrong and why is he letting you down? From what you wrote hes smart and he has a good heart? Not to be too forward but you are making it out about you when it should be about him. And I dont see anything wrong. Let him know you want to be a part of his life ask him how his day was let him know even though he may not respond you will still love him and support him. They grow up fast. As far as his depression ask him if he would like to go to a counselor. Good luck

Answer 8

This is a very difficult fix now. The groundwork for a trusting, open relationship between a teenager and their parents is laid in early and middle childhood. Spending one on one time without an agenda is one of the keys. Learn what he likes, and get involved with what he is doing. Don't grill him with questions, but if there is a particular concern, try approaching him with questions like "I have noticed you have been pretty quiet lately, is there anything you would like to talk about with me?"

Please understand that this is not the end of the world, and you are not a bad parent. Adolecents are struggling with being "almost adults" and "not really kids anymore". One minute we ask thiem to be responsible, and the next minute we are nagging them like they are 2yrs old. It is a very confusing and frustrating age even without hormones being thrown into the mix. Make a date with him, treat him like the adult he wants you to see him as. This is the time in his life where he is starting to realize that he will soon be a man. It is your job to help him transition.

Answer 9

Perhaps you should have a discussion with his teacher...find out what the issue is. You could try to spend more one-on-one time with him and talk to him about some of your childhood/adolescent issues. The most important thing that you can do is to make sure that he understands that he will not be ridiculed or rejected for a problem he's facing. Maybe a counselor could help. 15 is a difficult age as I am sure you can recall...make your support VERY clear to him, but don't hound him about it.

Answer 10

The general answer to the WHY?

...you're his mom. And... he's a teenager.

Building an open relationship with your child starts at a much earlier age than 15. I'm sorry, but it isn't something that you can flip a switch to solve. You will have to work on slowly building that open relationship. Open the dialog, perhaps dinner around the table? Create the environment that will be condusive to conversation without hounding him for information. Stalking him will only make him more apt to be quiet around you.

Answer 11

i think its important to make him comfortable talking to you without feeling like he is being judged. At 15, you think your parents are morons and can't possibly understand. Try asking him questions and listen to his answers. Don't try to offer suggestions or solve his problems. Just listen and validate his feelings by saying stuff like " Man that must be tough" or " i can understand why that bothers you" I think as he learns that he can open up to you without being judged, the flow of communication should improve. Also try to get involved in doing something he likes for example video games. If you guys are participating in an activity he enjoys, he is more likely to be receptive to conversation.