My husband and i have been together for 15 years, married for 3. When we married i knew him and his past. Through out the years, he hasn screwed anyone that iknow of, but things that lead me to believe so. He comes home after work, no weird phonecalls, so i have no physical evidence. I have been faithful. Nothing for him not to trust me. He lies to me and others constantly. I cannot trust him. I love him with all my heart, but no longer know if I am in love with him. How do u know? I am considering laving, and for my own piece of mind id like to know how u know if u r still in love. From his past issues,i feel i dont want to live like this for the rest of my life. But then i have ppl in is fam that say i bail when things get bad and that marriage is something that needs to b worked on. We have issues, we talk about them, he changes for a bit then goes right back to the norm. I know im all over the place with this, but my mind has been not straight for a while now. HELP PLS
2007-08-23 09:22:22 · 10 answers · asked by mizchif2729 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
K as far as proof, i found emails saying what i dont know dont hurt me, and he needed to b with this other woman and he shoulda took the chance when he had it and hes kickin himself for it now. Also, one night when he had gone out with buddies, came home hammered and said he wasnt gonna answer the phone when he had pussy in his face.
2007-08-23 10:01:26 · update #1
If we were to go to counseling, he would not listen to anyone trying to tell him how to run HIS life. Hes in his own litte world of,, its ok for me n not for u, and he can do no wrong. Hes been lying like this for as long as ive known him and i dont see it changing, cuz ive left b 4 and when we get back together its good for a min but then back to the same old sh*t.
2007-08-23 10:03:59 · update #2
I don't know... To me, if I can't see myself living a certain way for the rest of my life, and things aren't changing, it is time to consider starting over. "Love", "in love" - it's all semantics. What - if you decide you are "in love" you're gonna put up with the sh1t that you wouldn't have put up with otherwise? Makes no sense. There's no definition of "in love" in the dictionary - it's the way you feel. If it's worth it to you, then stay and try to adapt; he is not changing, so you will have to.
2007-08-23 09:32:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
The truth is maybe you shouldn't have gotten married. I think you knew his faults going into the marriage, but perhaps you had been together that getting married seemed like the next logical step, ot it had been so long that it would have all seemed like a waste of time if you didn't marry.
In any case, the problems you describe are serious. Living with a compulsive liar will not get easier. Unless he gets help, you are destined for many sad years ahead.
And don't listen to his family. Instead of telling you that you bail when things get bad, they should be trying to help your husband with his issues so you are not put into a position of leaving.
Good luck.
2007-08-23 16:43:13 · answer #2 · answered by candy'sroom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get some counseling....And marriage counseling. They will help you sort out your feelings and no one can say you didn't try. But, yes marriage is something you have to work at. Then why are you still there? You know nothing is going to change so either get out and do better for yourself/kids or stay and be happy with what you got cause he already has showed you he isn't going to change.
2007-08-23 16:34:24 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are not loving him with all your heart if you're talking about leaving.
Your emotions have been damaged, and you are now relying strictly on your feelings to dictate your actions. You will jump out of the pot into the frying pan.
Why not try "loving" your spouse in a creative and new way by working through this. Get some counseling for both. Stop threatening with the leaving stuff. It's up to YOU to make your marriage what you want it to be.
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2007-08-23 16:33:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I know I am in love because I care and respect my husband constantly. I would sacrifice myself for him.
I know how you feel. i used to be with this guy, he behaves differently from his true feeling. when we went out with his friends, i thought he had a great time, because he was all happy and cheerful, then when they leave he would talk bad things about them. and he lies constantly at work. small things like that. he never cheated on me as I know of, but somehow I just don't feel right around him, i never know what he was really thinking, because I know he could be fake. i am not comfortable around a person like that. I might go too far here, but my point is, it's all up to you, if you can stand a person like that or not. in my case we separated, partly because of his personality. Now i am with my husband, i see the difference and i am thankful that men are so different, what a relief.
2007-08-23 16:36:29 · answer #5 · answered by Discovery 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is the hardest work that anyone can do. No joke. If you have no reason to believe he has cheated on you then what does he lie about? Why does he do it? Is he doing it to make himself look like a more macho guy around his friends? More successful around his colleagues? It could be that he has some self esteem issues. I don't know. Its all in the details.
2007-08-23 16:47:31 · answer #6 · answered by No one 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The question is not whether you are still "in love" with him or not. The trouble is that you are unhappy in your marriage. His frequent lying is a problem. That has to stop. He may need counseling to overcome this.
Because no difficulty in a marriage is all one sided, I encourage you and your husband to find a good marriage counselor that can help you and your husband to be happy together.
My best wishes for you and for your marriage.
2007-08-23 16:59:22 · answer #7 · answered by Smartassawhip 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can't trust him and he is unwilling to change his poor behavior then this is not a marriage.
2007-08-23 17:13:00 · answer #8 · answered by pussycat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your gone already just not physically. He doesn't deserve you and your drama do him a favor and just pack you stuff and go.
2007-08-23 16:52:32 · answer #9 · answered by Dr Phil 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Maybe he isnt banging.
2007-08-23 16:52:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋