I found out 3 weeks ago that my husband was having an emotional affair with a girl across the country he met on a website. She is married too, 20 yrs old w/ a 2 yr old son. They both had a profile stating they were single, no kids etc. After talking to her for a month, they exchanged numbers and began texting each other daily. They eventually turned only into sexual conversations. She later told me (Ive talked to her) that after the text convos for a while he said he had one child (we have 2) and that I am his ex girlfriend and I found the cell phone bill and was asking questions. After catching him, he denied it of course, but after I threatened divorce he confessed everything. Now an important factor in this is, we have a great relationship, a great marriage, great sex life, we've only been married a year and a half, I stay home with our girls, I cook, clean, take care of EVERYTHING, in my eyes he had no reason to do this. And I am a very desirable woman. Men, help me out here!
2007-08-23 09:20:33 · 17 answers · asked by Janessa 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
P.S. He has told me the reason is because he has a hard time dealing with my mood swings. What woman doesn't have mood swings?!!?
2007-08-23 09:27:41 · update #1
P.P.S. When I say "GREAT RELATIONSHIP" I mean on my end and he says everything is great. Meaning we never argue, about anything! Don't have financial problems, in-law problems, sexual problems ETC.!
2007-08-23 09:32:30 · update #2
ONE MORE THING:
We have our disagreements, when I say we don't argue I mean we don't nit-pick and argue everyday or have screaming matches.
2007-08-23 10:05:51 · update #3
Its the excitement of it all. You have a great life, but from one perspective it could seem very mundane. I think he feels that this is exciting and in his mind they are probably never going to meet (even if they have talked about it) and there is no harm. It means nothing. It is kind of like having an alter ego where you can step outside of yourself if for only a few minutes and not have to deal with anything. Should you be alarmed? Somewhat, but not to a great extent. If he actually even realizes why he is doing this then he may talk to you about it, but I would bet that he doesn't. Keep talking, and see if there is anything that you can do to fulfill this need.
2007-08-23 09:29:18 · answer #1 · answered by No one 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
A reason he might have done this (which may strike you as metaphysical poo poo, sorry):
What temperature are you? I don't mean physically. I mean - your mood/style/emotionally/etc.
Are you cooler? Like... um... Water/Air, blonde, mellow, calming, listening, etc. Are you hotter? Fire/Earth, brunette, salsa dancing. Am I being clear? Women have a temperature. If he works with a woman or women who are the same "temp" as you, he'll be getting it all day, and be bored with you. I'll bet if you compared yourself and the "other woman" you're a different temperature.
I DON'T mean cool/bad hot/good. I mean - like different. Cool/blue Hot/red. Just different.
Try changing your temperature. A "cool" woman can be hot and visa versa.
I also agree with the first response. You take care of *everything?* Has he shared a hot sexual fantasy that you just don't approve of, or find interesting?
Great sex life? Really? Sex is the barometer. If it's not good, then something else is wrong. Define "great". Frequent isn't great. Great is great. Look into that.
Another thought: He may be one of those men desperately trying to find out if he's "manly enough" - and if so, he's never going to stop trying to get that question answered from other women. This is his mistake: he needs the question answered by his Father, and/or other men.
All the best.
2007-08-23 16:34:35 · answer #2 · answered by Phil 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you never argue then you don't have a great relationship. All people get angry about things the other person does. Everyone has disagreements with their spouse.
If you never share your true feelings with each other, then you are hiding part of yourselves from each other. In some books it's called "stuffing". What happens is that the irritations and anger build up and cause "distance" in the relationship.
It sounds like he wants to stay married to you and probably loves you. I would encourage you and your husband to go to a good marriage counselor and improve your marriage.
My best wishes for you and for your marriage.
2007-08-23 16:47:24 · answer #3 · answered by Smartassawhip 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There is no magic potion. Why men cheat in real or online is a through of the dice. there are so many reasons that i won't even have enough time to list them all. One thing for sure do not blame yourself automatically about it. On the other hand your attitude of i take care of everything is not right either men do their part we have to recognize that.
I think the best person to answer this question is your husband himself. You need to sit down and have a mature, relaxed and open conversation with him and simply ask why? what did i do wrong or what didn't i do. I would be curious to know what he says. His answer can tell you about whether he is being honest and simply lying to you. good luck.
2007-08-23 16:30:35 · answer #4 · answered by caliguy_30 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Maybe the mistake you are making is that you 'think' you are taking care of EVERYTHING. Maybe he 'SAYS' everything is great to not fight/argue with you, or doesn't believe you can honestly handle what he really thinks and/or feels. IF you want to know the truth, then ask and work WITH him on the answers. If you aren't willing to do that, then you'll not have the opportunity to make things better!
Your mood-swings just might be a chemical imbalance in your brain. Have that possibility checked out. Its NOT your fault if there is merit to it and you proactively deal with it. Things ARE your fault, if you fail to check it out and or deal with it if it is there.
I'm a great believer in communication. It has a foundation of really listening, openly and candidly to what he has to say, what he wants. Part of it too, is that you have to WANT to be supportive and loving for HIS desires and interests.
Alternatively, he might be polyamorous.... where a person has the ability to be with, love and have healthy relationships with more than one person. Something to maybe explore at least.
The bottom line isn't always what you think it should be, but becomes the open, positive, wholesome and complete relationship you both can grow into.
"JustWonderfing" has a sensible/rational understanding of things, and offers a plausible suggestion.
"Tempest T" also has an excellent approach with this.
I've dealt very positively with this kind of question a lot in the past here on yahoo answers. Suggest you review my past answers for many additional relationship suggestions and insights. "YOU" have the opportunity to make your marriage last your lifetime, be sweet and beautiful....... are 'you' going to do what it takes to get it there?
Good luck!!!
2007-08-23 16:24:16 · answer #5 · answered by megettingbetter 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Something wasn't right. He went looking for a reason. You need to find out what that reason is, or your marriage is gonna fail.
How can you say you have "a great relationship,a great marriage" if he got involved with online dating ? Something is wrong. Your relationship and marriage are not great. That excuse about mood swings is lame.
2007-08-23 16:31:55 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow you sound like the perfect wife, hot like sex and does not nitpick!!! Where do I sign up?? I think it has more to do with what he said! Keep talking and maybe more will come out of this.
As a man, husband, if my wife did all that you did and we had a great sex life then I wouldn't go anywhere. But I would be asking for lots of hot kinky sex!! ;) Keep digging their may be more to it!@
2007-08-23 22:13:33 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't fell bad I ahve been married for almost 10 years and have an 8 and 9 year old boys. We have been trying to have another child ever since. Everything has been great in outr marriage especially that we are having our first girl. I am now 7 months pregnant, and he cheated on me last week by telling me he was going to play softball and got a hotel room with a woman he says he met at the softball game and screwed her. And doesn't even know her name. Plain and simple most men are pigs that think with their penis not their brain. They never have a reason. i am sorry but after that I wouldn't put anything past him. Do you know for sure it hasn't gone any further andthere weren't any others that live in your town.
2007-08-23 16:32:02 · answer #8 · answered by B 3 · 1⤊ 4⤋
men do that for many different reasons. believe it, that the reason may have nothing to do with you, so don't go around doubting yourself. he's the one with the issue. there are two types of guys that i know, those who cheat whenever they think they can get away with it and those who never cheat. sounds like your hushand is close to crossing the line, he may not have cheated on you this time, but he might have done it with somebody else already or will try again at another time. good luck with your married life.
2007-08-23 16:35:13 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Its called "Forbidden Fruit" some men just like the excitement of a potential fling
2007-08-23 16:50:07 · answer #10 · answered by Love the west 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋