His mother believes baby showers is a girl thing, shouldn't be co-ed, and shouldn't be thrown more than once for one baby. My fiance trusts his mothers knowledge so sides with her and claims its their tradition. I on the other had am different. I want a co-ed so my guy family and friends, brothers can be involved regardless of sex. I consider my pregnancy a celebration not a tradition. So, I want it one way and she sounds upset making it difficult for me and him to see eye to eye. We got into a huge fight yesterday and he also wants to not be involved anymore since his mom feels he shouldn't.
2007-08-23 08:53:37 · 20 answers · asked by rd03 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Ok, there is some confusion. Some people are assuming I am throwing one, all I wrote were conflicting ideas. I never wrote who was planning or what I am deciding. so to clarify. My friends are throwing me a co-ed baby shower, she doesn't want me to have two one from her and one from them and plus theirs is co-ed she says that is non tradition. I suggested we all do it together, mind you she wasn't excited because she knew it would be co-ed so she declined and then I said I understand since it was "tradition", and suggested, you can still throw one on your own, she again sounded unexcited because I should only have one shower. True, I am definitely not trying to start a war!
2007-08-23 09:34:46 · update #1
Just let him know that while you understand it's his families tradition for just a girls only shower you and him are creating a new family and doing things outside of what his or your families normally do for tradition is okay. It's okay to have a co-ed baby shower. Maybe his family doesn't do that but now you are a NEW family with NEW traditions.
2007-08-23 09:00:45 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Let her throw you the traditional shower if she wants, and you can have a "party" to celebrate the new life. I am having a beer and diaper party for the guys - they bring their beer and a package of diapers, and the host are providing the bbq and fun. The chicks are going to have the more traditional shower at the same time, so it is one big party. Perhaps you should have the two seperate, but this way it gets the fighting out of your relationship...
But, I will say, you think this is bad, wait until it comes to decisions of child rearing between the THREE of you. I say this because, if he is fighting with you over a shower, his mom WILL be involved in his thoughts on child rearing. I know this from experience. You might want to have a little chat on the side with your fiance about how much of a problem this is going to pose in the future, and when/if he is going to cut the apron strings.
***Just read your update. What a difficult situation. Well, just tell her that your friends are throwing the shower, and that is their area, far be it for you to be rude and change their plans for this special gift they are giving you. That might work, I dunno. But truly, enjoy your shower, and let your fiance know that the plans are made, your friends are throwing it, and he should be there. I know a lot of people that have one with friends and one with family. Maybe your fiance could help get that through to his mom? Or is there a sister or someone else that you could recruit? Or just make sure that your friends send/sent her an invitation, and have THEM call and confim that she is coming, and how they are so excited that she is going to be a part of things, you know, the friend that can really steamroll someone, we all have one.
Good luck!
2007-08-23 16:09:40 · answer #2 · answered by justme 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Adjusting my answer to your update.
I think with your further information that you should do what you want to do. Have it co-ed. The reality is that many women have 2 baby showers for their first. One involves coworkers and the other family and friends. There is nothing wrong with this and I can't think of a soul who would think it tacky.
Tell your fiance that he needs to be an adult. His mother makes choices that are her preferences. That doesn't make them right or even reasonable. They are her preferences. However, she is not throwing this shower. She is not allowed to manipulate her way which is exactly what she is doing. She would be a guest and her job is to just enjoy the festivities and bring a gift.
Let me add something about tradition. Baby showers weren't even done until the 1950s in most parts of the country. It simply followed the tradition of wedding showers (which also were not a tradition until after ww2).
2007-08-23 16:21:46 · answer #3 · answered by CarbonDated 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If someone is generous enough to be throwing you a shower, it is rude of YOU to demand it be a certain way, UNLESS your input is requested. I have helped to plan both co-ed showers and traditional women-only baby showers, and the co-ed showers are a lot more effort and cost to plan, because you're essentially doubling the number of people who are attending.
If you want guys to be included, there is no reason you can't have another shower thrown by YOUR family/friends (for goodness sake, DON'T throw your own shower - that is SO tacky). Or you can host a co-ed "Meet the Baby" party for everyone after the baby is born.
Congratulations on your baby!!!
2007-08-23 16:06:04 · answer #4 · answered by dazegirl19 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
This is hilarious, because I was going through a situation quite like this one just this week. I think that she has already had her chance, she has had her babies, she has decorated her rooms, etc. This is your baby and your choice. If you allow her to become too involved right now, imagine how things will be after the baby is born. Do what you want to do. Have one shower with her, family and friends and then have another shower if you want. I agree with you, it is not about tradition when it doesn't involve your tradition. Take charge now (respectfully) so that you will not have to deal with taking charge later. Good luck!
2007-08-23 16:00:27 · answer #5 · answered by Brooke S 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
have one of your family members throw your shower instead. It is your baby shower and it should be how you want it to be, otherwise you wont enjoy yourself. If his mother isnt happy about it then she doesnt have to throw it, simple as that! My fiances family just threw me a shower on sunday and when we were planning it they kept wanting to do stuff i didnt, and finally i had enough and said if they didnt stop i wouldnt even bother showing up. So they finally got the point and listened to what i wanted and it ended up being pretty fun!
2007-08-23 15:59:51 · answer #6 · answered by sugarplumfaerie52686 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
while more and more people are having a co-ed shower, it was always the tradition in my family that it is girls only too
Ultimatly thought I think who ever is paying for it decides who should be invited
2007-08-23 15:58:16 · answer #7 · answered by A***n G 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My first instinct was to tell you to fight the mom, but after reading the other lady's answers, it makes more since to just do your own thing and let her throw your shower. It does make sense that if she's hosting and paying, it goes her way. I like the beer and diaper idea =-)
2007-08-23 16:17:54 · answer #8 · answered by Shanny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your baby ,your shower, do it your way . If you don'y put your foot down now that you are in control of every decision when comes to the baby then imagine what she will be like in future ! Birthdays , Christmas etc . Stand up for yourself and what you want for your baby. good luck.
2007-08-23 16:44:37 · answer #9 · answered by gemma b 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The last I checked, you were giving birth to this child! If she wants to have this baby then she can have the shower the way she wants!! She is WAY out of line!! I'd tell her about it in a nice way, but stand your ground!
2007-08-23 16:01:46 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋