who should i marry- A or B? Please Help!?

Question

Like about A:
We have a serious emotional connection.
She has a sense of humor
She looks great
We are both philosophical in nature
Our value systems are similar (not necessarily compatible)
We have similar interests
Adaptable

Dislike about A:
She has had physical relationships in the past
Her family background is different from mine
She has a liberal upbringing (mine is more conservative)
Reasonably compatible goals and ambitions (less than B)

Like about B:
Similar family backgrounds
Both of us have conservative upbringing
Similar values (possibly compatible)
Compatible goals and ambitions

Dislike about B:
Doesn't look great
Not really connected emotionally
Reasonably compatible interests (less than A)

just to clarify, this is a situation of an arranged marriage so I am not "dating" or two-timing!

Answer 1

A

Answer 2

I can already tell that you would rather be with A but the problem is she does not fit what you have been taught to look for in a wife.

I have foreign parents and our believes are very conservative, but at the same time I am American. So at time I have internal conflict with what I have been taught the standard should be and I think I need to be happy.

I want all of you to remember that 60% of the world still have arranged marriages so don't think I am being funny. I have met some of the smartest men who are so westernized but at the end of the day they have arranged marriages with women they only see in pictures. There families pick out the wifes and that is the end of the story. The joke is a lot of these marriages last a life time. That by itself is a discusion for another day.

Do not marry B. If you do you will have this feeling that you are missing out on something. Marry B if your believe system is more important to you than passion and love.

Marry A only if you really can do it and not feel guilty for it and get pass the fact is has had physical relationships in the past. I think A will be more exciting and fun for you but B may be more grounded and her expectations of you will be less.

Answer 3

Neither. If you can't figure out who to marry, you aren't ready to marry and the fact you have to ask shows you are not ready for a serious relationship.

Marrying someone only because they look good will bite you later the majority of the time. And don't forget, looks fade. I know men are visual but I find it sad that men don't look at the beauty inside a woman instead of always concentrating on the outer package. That beauty inside is what will make her work to make the relationship a beautiful thing for both of you. And you can encourage B to do things to "spice herself up" so she is more attractive but do it in subtle ways.

Maybe you don't have much of an emotional bonding with B because you let the looks get in your ways. She may "feel" your rejection, too, and keeping you at a distance because she doesn't want to get hurt by you.

And personally, all those relationships that A has had and the liberal mind frame would be a total turn off. She sounds a bit self-centered at this point. Those things can and will add conflict to your relationship later.

Whatever you do, take your time and study up on relationships a bit more until you figure out exactly what will make a marriage work... and to make sure you are ready for a committment for a lifetime for all the right reasons :) Unless you are BOTH ready to give 100% of "yourselves" to the other, a relationship will be rocky.

You might want to get the book "His Needs, Her Needs" and read it so you have a better understanding, too. That is one good book and he has a website where you can go and ask questions. Check out the below site and sign up for their newsletter to get more insight into committment and relationships. Good luck

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6020_needs.html

Answer 4

C: Yourself. Stay single because you are too shallow and self-centered. First of all, you are carrying on with two women. Second, you don't like the fact that person A has had physical relationships in the past. Well, do you have the same standard for yourself, or are you allowed to dip your weenie wherever because you are a man? As for B, you criticize her looks. Well, you must be forgetting that you will get old, wrinkled, bald and that your sac will look like a dinner plate some day.

Do both of these women a favor and let them go.

Answer 5

First do you really have to marry? My husband turned down 3 arranged marriages before leaving for 10,000 mi away - where he found me!
If you do have to marry, then your family and social situation must be the most important to you and your happiness. In which case you should choose the person that will best meet the expectations of others. Otherwise, the family and social pressures will destroy any sense of contentment you may have in your marriage.

Answer 6

A. When you are thinking of marrying someone, you are not running any sort of game show. You need to be involved with one, and see how compatible you really are. When you are deciding upon the two right here, neither one of the girls gets your full attention. Say you pick one and give her your 100%, you may then soon find out that things look different now. So pick one, but not to marry, to be with, and take it from there. you are not ready for marriage.

Answer 7

I think having an emotional connection with someone is more important. If that person looks great too well that is a bonus (but looks aren't everything)....With A..I think having a different upbringing can be a good thing. So what she had a liberal upbringing, you have to ask yourself IS that REALLY important, overall personality wise can you see yourself having a life with her? what if B didn't exist? can you see yourself being happy with A? sounds like you are happy with her . I'd go for the one whom you have an emotional connection with.

Answer 8

Does A or B know of each other? You are a player my friend and if A or B was intriguing enough for you there would be only one! Dont waste either one of the young ladies' time! Concentrate on being in a monogamus relationship before you get married. That way you wont be getting a divorce due in infadelity! Good Luck!

Answer 9

I thought that arranged marriages went out with the dark ages...
Honestly woman A is more compatible, and it sounds like you will have a better quality of life with her.
In every relationship there some hurtles to cross. As with this woman, and her liberal upbringing.
You can make it as husband and wife if you are willing to put the time and engery into this relationships future...

Best Wishes!!!

Answer 10

I don't believe in arranged marriage. I would choose A for the emotional reason. The liberal-conservative could cause a problem unless there was compromise. But don't compromise your self in the process.

Answer 11

It seems like you don't know what type of woman you want in your life. Marrying is a huge commitment and judging by the fact that you are dating two women at one time, I will have to say you are not ready. A seems more like the type you want to be with. Her past relationships have nothing to do with you, just like your past relationships have nothing to do with her. It's in the past. It appears that you think that one is compatible with another if they are similar. Well they are not. Ever heard of "opposites attract." You want someone whose a little different. Also, if you are not attracted to someone then you won't be happy being with that someone. I chose A for you.