Am i horrible to feel like this?

Question

My mum and dad always argue. And me and my dad have never got on. Sometimes i jus feel he never really wanted me around. He nags, moans, and never smiles at me, i can neve remember when we emotionally connect, thats possibly because we never do. I go round my bofriend or friends house and find things so happy it makes me want to cry. Iv even told my dad how unloved i feel. Well basically my mum cant take anymore , as her marriage is falling apart, they row aswell and now my mum has decided to break up. We stuck ina tricky situation with bills and debts and my dads walked out without telling us where he's going. Does it sound horrible when i say that i am happy hes gone? Hes my dad , shud i love him? Deep down i jus feel i really couldn't care, i feel like mayube things could get better. Should i feel guilty for this?
Any help wud b appreciated

Sorry i dont know how to comment back. But i just want to say THANKYOU to everyone. I didnt realise id get such a good response on here but its really made me feel a lot more content with myself. Thanks everyone x

Answer 1

I'm sorry to hear that. I don't have a close relationship with my father either. There isn't a close emotional attachment. I, like you, sometimes am envious of the relationships that my friends have with their dads. I would never be able to go to my father and just talk to him about things. I feel like he doesn't really know who I am. Anyways, what did your dad say when you told me you felt unloved?

I don't think that you should feel guilty for feeling the way that you do. Maybe you guys should try to work on your relationship and try to involve him in your life. It won't be that easy, but don't give up. If he doesn't seem interested, at least you can say that you tried and he didn't want to be a part of it. You can't force someone, even your dad, to have a relationship with you. I hope that things work out for you. Good luck.

Answer 2

No, you are not horrible for being able to finally relax once the negative influence is absent from your home. It's normal. Sometimes we don't realize the disturbing effects of a person's attitude on our own stress levels until that attitude is no longer there. It's a shame you and your dad did not have a good relationship, but it is his responsibility to develop a loving relationship with you. It is not the child's responsibility.
You can love your dad but still dislike the way he behaves. If you feel better now, then just breathe a sigh of relief and start being happy. If your dad grows up and decides he wants to do the right thing, he will contact you and try to reestablish a connection with you. Until then, don't feel guilty at all. You deserved better than what you got, but don't let it keep you down. Move on into a brighter future.
Best wishes, dear.

Answer 3

You should feel no guilt, your parents chose the realtionship not you. You should love your parents, but if someone leaves you because things get tough, well I wouldn't put much of my love or faith into that person. Things will get better, you just have to realize that it is not the end of the world. You sound like a pretty smart and well adjusted person, be there for your mother and just try to be the best person that you can. Any type of lessons you learn from this can only make you stronger, don't be hard on yourself and don't take the blame for something you had no control over. It sounds like your dad was the cause of a lot of grief and discontent, you should feel free from that emotional burden. Good Luck and keep your chin up :)

Answer 4

It's awful that you feel like this. I am the same way with my father, i am 15, i have never really had a connection with him and i go to boarding school and i never miss him, i only miss my mum and brother. From what it sounds like it is for the best that your parents have split up. Some people in this world were just meant not to be loved and i suppose you were just unlucky. Try not to get yourself upset over it all because you can't help the way you feel. Try talking to your mum about it all. In the long run you will now have a happier family without him probably. Do not worry it will all sort itself out in the end.

Answer 5

I am in a similar situation. My parents are separating (in the process). My dad is a hypocrite, promises to come through but never does, and gets my hopes up just to bring them crashing down. He's not a terrible dad, just not one whose word I can trust. My whole family has fallen apart over the past few months and I know its because of my parents failing relationship. I too, am glad that my dad will be moving out, just because I know it will help repair of family's relationship. Sometimes distance helps a lot. I'm guessing things will get better for me, as I hope they do for you. I don't think it's wrong that you want him gone. It's not wrong to want to be happy, and think about it...everyone will probably be happier. Your dad will be happy to be away, your mom will be happy to be away from your dad, and you will be happier cuz you wont have all the stress and sad feelings that you would if you dad was constantly around you.

Answer 6

That's the way I felt when my parents finally got a divorce when I was 14. It's taken almost 9 years to finally come to terms with my father. I know that he is a good man, just not a good father. There is a big difference there. I respect and appreciate him for who he is as a person.
We still don't have the typical father/daughter relationship, but it's immeasurably better than it was before. I never thought we could have what we have now back then.

Answer 7

No you shouldn't feel guilty. You can't change your true feelings. God loves you though and he watches out for you. He'll take care of this situation in the best possible way, even when it seems like it's a horrible way. Just trust that what God is doing is right. It's okay to be happy but still forgive him for what he did. This will all work out. Life could be harder for a bit but still go achieve your dreams like you would. That's what life is all about.

Answer 8

i sorry about the whole problem with your mom and dad and also the problems with you dad alone! maybe he feel that if he and your mom dont really get along then he has to take it out on you which is not okay! well you probably dont care because you have so much inside of you hurting from your pain with your dad that you just feel like your free and he not going to hurt you anymore! well no you shouldnt feel guilty either he should not you! i hope everything is good ad let him come around!

Answer 9

When a parents relationship does not work out, it does not necessarily mean a relationship with their children cannot work out, if and when the parents separate. In fact sometimes relationships with children improve because there is no longer the unhappy adult relationship domineering the situation. Many children fall into the trap of siding with divorced, or divorcing parents. Give them both the chance of time--in what will hopefully be a better environment for them both, and you. Good Luck, best wishes:)

Answer 10

Yes, it sounds like your father is emotionally unavailable. Don't take it personally, it's just that he has his own issues that he has not dealt with. I would strongly suggest, that if possible, you get some counseling because this issue, along with your parents possibly divorcing are going to greatly affect you. If counseling is not possible, then maybe church or a relative or a group at school (if you are in school). The first time you go to counseling is always scary, but then it gets easier and you will not regret it.