I have been married for 6 years and spawned 4 beautiful children. The problem is that I married for the worng reasons, and at a young age (18). I feel that I have been robbed of my youth, and my relationship is not progressing any more. I love my wife, but its not the same kind of love I had when I married her. I don't think I am attracted to her physically as I was once. I understand that having children does change your body, but we really don't have anything in common with each other to build a realtionship on.
I hear and see my friends, and they are always going on about the chicks that they have been going out with and the fun that they are having. I feel like I am missing out. Even when we do go out as a group of lads, I am the first one to go back home, as my missus has put a curfew on me, i.e. get back by 11 or else. I love my kids and will never hurt them, but is there a way I can get rid of this anger I am feeling, so hopefully I won't do something I regret ?
2007-08-23 08:18:32 · 26 answers · asked by dangermouse 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes, it's called GROW UP. You are married with children. Whether you like it or not, you have made some serious choices and must live up to the responsibilities that come with those choices.
Find some other lads to hang out with...preferrably married ones.
2007-08-23 08:24:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
Oh stop being a cry-baby. You are a grown man not a child. You have responsiblities. You can either look at your situation as "glass half empty" or "glass half full" It's bad right now cause you are letting it be that way. Do something new and different with your wife. Send the kids to grandmas for a night and take your wife to a Dave & Busters, go to a movie, go to see a concert, stay at a Bed N Breakfast. Do something out of the ordinary.
You can either walk around being angry that you aren't getting to "play" as much as your single friends or be happy that you have a beautiful family and a wife that loves you who will be there for you when your parents pass away, when you get sick, when you have any down time in life.
The ball is in your court. Decide that you are going to keep your family and don't consider anything but that. Live Big!!
2007-08-23 08:27:40 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
All I can tell you is that most men and women for that matter feel the same way. Try getting a group of friends that are married or with children or both. I know its hard, but if you hang around a group that has more in common backgrounds as you do, you'll be happier. I can tell you that maybe you should put yourself in your wife's shoes... You go out with a bunch of single friends and she is "stuck" at home with the kids. Take it from a wife who has been there and done that... Its a phase you're going through, get some family hobbies and rebuild with the Mrs. You'll actually be happier you worked on it instead of torn your home apart.
Take a look at the good things you have that they don't. Children, a partner in life that is there, a woman that cares for your needs, cooks, cleans, and possibly works?
2007-08-23 08:26:16 · answer #3 · answered by Beatngu 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think its normal for you to feel like you misses out a little. But yes stop and think before you do something you really regret. Think about the things you did with your wife to have those four beautiful children. And why you asked her to marry her. Sometimes the fizzle goes out in a marriage but thats when you have to work harder at it not just give up. You are older now and have a responsibility to those children think of the hurt you would put on your wife and kids just so you could run with a pack of wild single azzes out there that could catch any amount of disease and go home alone with nothing but themselves. You have a family. Thank god for that some men would kill to have a family like yours. Your wife has to deal with a lot do you know how hard it is to be a mom with four kids and have to make sure they are bathed, fed, teeth brushed, doctor appointments, dental appointments, keep house as clean as you can keep it with four kids. She has alot on her herself. So if she doesn't have the money or the strenght to look perfect or weigh 115 with DD boobs and tight clothes and that will give ya a bj after a couple a drinks than ya have to excuse her......Think about all that your wife does for you, the kids, the house and ask your self would any of them lil bar skanks clean up after you are take care of your kids. And rest a sure if you end up with someone else they are regardless of what they say will want a child or two with you. Then you will have a load of children you will be dam broke and the kids you already have will be neglected cus your too busy with your new chick, new kids and the three jobs to support everyone. Think man think before you do. What was the last thing you did for your wife to help her want to look good for her. When was the last time you two went away together for a week at least alone.
2007-08-23 08:31:17 · answer #4 · answered by youcandoit 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to her, your her husband not her child. And her putting a curfew you on is just ridiculous. I would never do that to my husband, and he wouldn't do that to me either. Nothing wrong with going out with your friends, but she needs to do the same with hers. And just because you may not have much in common does not mean you cant have a good marriage.
I have been with my husband for 10 years now, we don't have a lot in common, not our taste in music or movies or anything, but we have a great relationship regardless. You learn to compromise. We take turns when it comes to picking movies to watch, he picks then next time I do. When in the car, who ever is driving has control of the radio. And every one likes going out to dinner, and you find new things to do together. It is impossible to not be able to find things to go together that you will both enjoy. Marriage takes work, you have to be willing to put the work in to make it happen though.
As far as attraction, then maybe you need to tell her what you want, tell her how you would like her to do this or that and maybe wear this or that, but make sure if she wants you to do something also you do it. Even go by your self to an adult store, find things you like and think she would look good in and maybe even get some lotions and toys all of those things can help spice it up and remind you what it was you once were attracted to about your wife. Having kids can put a strain on things, send them to grandmas for a night and plan a night with your wife and see how it goes. And really think about what is more important, having fun now or growing old with someone who loves you and will be there for you
2007-08-23 08:36:36 · answer #5 · answered by cris 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi,
Your relationship is always changing. Of course its not going to be the same as it once was. Now is the time to work on it. I have been with mine for 10 years and we went through the same thing. After kids its hard to try and find time for each other, and all the FUN stuff you hear about. But it can happen.
Go out with your wife, take her to the bar, get drunk and have fun with her. You have to work at a relationship if you want it to last.
A good way to get some frustration out would be some kind of sport. My hubby always says he needs to play racketball or some phyical activity to help him with his frustration..
But if things are bad maybe taking a break would help. Take some time to be alone or with friends just to get away
2007-08-23 08:29:38 · answer #6 · answered by Kim s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time to grow up sonny.
Here's an idea...try finding friends who are in good marriages and committed relationships and hang out with them. Get someone to watch your kids and go out with your wife. You need to remember what it is that you found so attractive about her and concentrate on making her feel special and loved. If she's the kind of woman I'm guessing she is, she'll appreciate it and reciprocate.
Get rid of the immaturity and concentrate the same amount of energy on your wife and family and everything will be a-ok.
2007-08-23 08:25:22 · answer #7 · answered by QWERTY 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Dont stay in the marriage because of your children. That could almost be the worst thing you could do. You dont want them to see you fighting or not showing love to eachother as parents should do. What you should try is talking to her. Try everything you can to fall back into love with her because no matter how young you were there was something there in the beginning and if you let it go too long like this then there will be no going back and you will be set on this feeling. Even marriage counseling might help. Good Luck.
2007-08-23 08:26:30 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Well you made your bed...now lay in it. I would imagine that there were plenty of people who told you not to rush into marriage at the very young age of 18...but you were so "in love"....that you couldn't imagine your life without her. Now a few "spawned" children later...you are seeing what you missed out on by marrying so young..You made a commitment to her.....you need to find a way to rebuild your marriage....I really don't feel sorry for you in the least.
2007-08-23 08:27:53 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you don't get married to someone just because you are physically attracted to them neither do you marry them because they are pregnant and you want to do the right thing. you marry someone when you can communicate and have things in common that will hold you together and you got married to young and didn't think about living your life before settle down. now you have children and this is relly hard I am not gonna tell you to leave your wife work it out. best of luck
2007-08-23 08:33:19 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋