Sylvianpttn, Question for you- need your help?

Question

I appreciate all of your help and wanted to ask you a question.

How do you deal with comments from others about the kind of person that you are? My ex-husband keeps focusing on the fact that I was not "committed" and "loyal" in his eyes. I spoke to my father about this and he said that "I cannot be committed to anyone including myself." I did not know how to respond.

I start to think that maybe the problem was me and not my ex-husband entirely. If I had been more committed, maybe he would not be so controlling and rude.

Also, my ex-husband does not want my daughter and I to move into an apartment. He said that was the agreement when he sent her to me. He is asking her to take pics of everything in my storage to sell it so that the money can be used in for her instead. I am so confused.

I feel like why can't others adjust to their husbands and not me.

Answer 1

The very next time that your father or X says ANYTHING about commitment this needs to be your reply- Thanks- nice to know you have such a high opinion of me and then simply walk away giving that person no additional room for comment- that goes for the phone calls to, hang up. By you being More committed he would not be rude or controlling- please give me a break- thats his nature and why are yu taking the blame for him? Thats classic behaviour for those who have been abused either verbally, mentally or physically. As for your daughter taking picks- tell her that you do not want to put her in the middle of a situation that is totally negative. As for selling your posessions they are yours-YOURS- not his to decide what to do Realistically can you really live with your Mom and Dad foever- isn't it time to get your own place no matter if it is small? Think that over, it may be tough BUT your daughter is with you and you BOTH need a place to be independant and free. I want you to re-read your last statement- "husbands"- start also thinking in terms of X Husband- not current husband. Your mind needs to be in the mode of past tense n ot the present. Start referring to him as your X or my daughters father but NEVER EVER as your husband- that is NOT what he is. You need to adjust to your relationship with your daughter and being a single parent- you do not need to adjust to your x AT ALL. aLSO,next time you speak with him make it perfecly clear it is unfair to put his daughter in a position of loyalty only to him- it should be a 50/50 venture. What is she feeling- I will tell you that she is thinking " I don't wanta to be put in the middle and am tired of the constant tdug of war" Thats the advise for the day Stareyes- try it it works. I am right here waiting to hear you have found the perfect little place, daUghter is in school and your getting along fine no matter how hard the struggle may seem. Talk to you real soon, hope this helps.

Answer 2

Your ex is just that - your ex. He has no control over you so don't take any notice of what he says or does. He is trying to keep controlling you - DON'T LET HIM DO THAT! Be strong. Seek out new friends by joining groups. You will gradually develop more self esteem as you get away from that terrible ex and get new friends. Get out, live life, have fun, don't look back. Good luck..

Answer 3

divorces are never cut and dry. if you have children or not... it doesn't matter. we are all human with emotions.

your "commitment issues"..... first of all, we all express ourselves differently. we all view things differently. maybe your husband's expectations of commitment are out of the ordinary. maybe you haven't found the right person. maybe you are not happy with yourself and your life and it translates out to others.

my advice... be true to yourself first. if an apartment is all you can afford then it is all you can afford. my daughter and i live in an apartment and we are doing fine.

do for yourself and your children first. things between you and your ex will eventually work themselves out. but remember, do not let him step all over you.