reword for 10 points?!>!>!>!>!?!?!?!?

Question

I have got the flu and a chest infection and i can't really concentrate on making this sound better, so can anyone give me a hand to reword it to make it sound more professional. Thanks i really really appreciate it. :D

“I have.......another brother?!” Mace asked faintly
“Yes my dear now go look for him and tell him that he needs to see me I’m in my last days. Please?” begged her mother. Mace hangs up
“Can you believe it Salar?” mace asked Salar while still in full shock.
“We better go down to Beirut and search for him. We need to do it for our mother.” Salar replies.
While down in Beirut, mace and Salar go asking the people strolling down the streets. In Beirut everyone is familiar with each other so they were sure that they will find him by night.
The siblings asked and searched all day long, but soon they gave up as they had no hope of finding their brother. Hungry and tired they pass a shawarma shop.
“Remember shawarma?” asked Salar?
“Of course I still taste them like I just had them yesterday!” replies mace going through the doors a middle aged man greets them.

Answer 1

“I have.......another brother?!” Mace asked faintly. The telephone wobbled in her hand as it shook in surprise.

“Yes my dear. Now go and look for him, and would you tell him that he needs to see me, or, rather, I need to see him. I’m in my last days. Please?” begged her mother pitifully.

Mace agreed and hangs up looking thoughtful. She turned and saw Salar watching her and wondering why she was suddenly quiet.

“Can you believe it Salar?” She asked, still in shock. “Apparently we have another brother, one I certainly wasn't aware of. And from the look on your face one that you didn't know about either."

"In that case hadn't we better go down to Beirut and search for him. We need to do it for our mother.” Salar replied.

Although he spoke seemingly calmly, Mace could see that he too was churning inside.

Whilst in the city, Mace and Salar asked the people strolling along the streets if they knew anything of their unknown and mysterious brother. Their response was good because in Beirut everyone is familiar with everyone else, so they were sure that they will find news of him by nightfall.

The siblings searched all day long, speaking to dozens of friends, relatives and passers-by that they knew, but soon they gave up as they realised that they had little hope of finding their brother.

Tired and hungry they came upon a shawarma shop.

“Remember shawarma?” asked Salar licking his lips in anticipation'

“Of course I do." Replied Mace, savouring the delicious smell wafting through the door as she passed through them. "I can still taste them as if I had just had them yesterday!”

As they entered the shop through the doors a middle aged man greeted them.

Answer 2

“I have.......another brother?!” Mace asked faintly.
“Yes my dear, now go look for him and tell him that he needs to see me. I’m in my last days. Please?” begged her mother. Mace hungs up.
“Can you believe it Salar?” mace asked Salar while still in full shock.
“We better go down to Beirut and search for him. We need to do it for our mother.” Salar replies.
While down in Beirut, mace and Salar go asking the people strolling down the streets. In Beirut everyone is familiar with each other, so they were sure that they will find him by nightfall.
The siblings asked and searched all day long, but soon they gave up. They had no hope of finding their brother. Hungry and tired they pass a shawarma shop.
“Remember shawarma?” asked Salar?
“Of course I can still taste them like I just had them yesterday!” replied mace going, through the doors. A middle aged man greeted them.

Answer 3

The changes are in the ().

“I have.......another brother?!” Mace asked faintly(.)
“Yes my dear(,) now go look for him and tell him that he needs to see me(,) I’m in my last days. Please?” begged her mother. Mace (hung) up (the phone.)

“Can you believe it Salar?” (Mace) asked Salar (, still shocked.)
“(Well then we) better go down to Beirut and search for him. We need to do it for our mother.” Salar (replied.)

While down in Beirut, (Mace) and Salar (went) asking (who were walking down the street). In Beirut everyone is familiar with each other(,) so they were sure that they will find him by night.

The siblings asked and searched all day long, but soon they gave up as they had no hope of finding their brother. Hungry and tired (,) they (passed by) a shawarma shop.
“Remember shawarma?” asked Salar(.)
"Of course (I do,) (I can still taste them as if I just ate them yesterday.)” (Replies Mace.) (As they go through the doors, a middle aged man greets them.)

Feel better soon:)

Answer 4

"Youre telling me.....I have another borther?", Mace says fainlty while at lost of words. "Yes.....My dear in my old age can you notify him that I am seeing my final days" says the sickly woman. Mace is stunned by this. " please my child. your my last hope" begs the mother . She coughs and hacks. Without a trace of doubt she hurridly finds her long lost bro." Wait" says the mother on the phone. " You'll neeed to know where to go.........* cough* *weeze* *Cough* The phone is dead. "Salar, my sis, can you believe this?" "We have to go into the forbidden Beirut Village to find him". They set off for their perilous adventure. " were here", whispers the terrified sister. They walk around the streets meeting all kinds of folk each person remembers the peopel they meet. the sisters scavenged the place all day long but still found no sight of there long lost brother. "Man I am starving, Mace", says the tired and out of breath Salar. they go by a Shawarma shop. Tired and hungry they go throught the doors. "Remember shawana, my sister." "Of course! who wouldnt remeber?", says Salar! They appear at the standing point........they will start their journey soon........

Answer 5

You're mixing past and present tenses. Reword it to use one or the other