bad experiences in japan?

Question

i'm half japanese.
i hate japan.
i just spent some time there. worthwhile learning experience, but never again. i'm ashamed of my bloodline like i never was before.
and i'm not some narrow minded homemaker who can't step outside my comfort zone, anything but that. i love travelling, have had amazing experiences everywhere but japan.

i like starting big fights, so give me your worst if you're a japanophile or a japanese. (i am actually far more disturbed by japanophiles than actual japanese people.)

by and large, japanese people are extremely uncreative and narrow minded in everyday life situations. i'm not talking about their obvious brilliance and prowess in music, art, their crazy variety shows, just the random stuff you see going on everywhere, i love all of that, of course. but their bureaucratic ways, total inability to think outside the box, mindnumbing coldness, the fact that no one talks to strangers casually (even amongst the japanese themselves) drove me cuckoo.

* i'm finding it amusing that everyone assumes i'm american. i'm australian. there IS more than one english speaking country that uses yahoo answers, yknow. ;)

i haven't been to the US, i suppose i come from a very multicultural and liberal country, really. i mean, it has its negatives too, but considering how much of a growing asian population we have here (and i know "asian" is a ridiculous generalisation, it doesnt necessarily mean japanese at all, but still), and it's something i've grown up with and don't even notice, having people treat foreigners differently, even though there are HEAPS of white people in japanese cities, comes as a shock.
yes, i do speak the language, by the way.
i think it is harder for those who look somewhat japanese. i know a japanese-american girl who had an awful time there, people would hiss at her constantly for the way she was walking, just her giveaway american posture. ergh.

just wanted to thank you all for input -- too many to list and respond to! i appreciated most of the replies from people who have actually lived there -- the only ones who even half know what im talking about -- whether you were agreeing or not.
to close, i might just say that, yes, there are many gems of people i met in japan, fantastic, sweet, caring people. however, i always ended up feeling sorry for them, and that's probably the worst thing. i felt they could have "been so much more" -- been raised to be more open minded, and to stand up for themselves. a lot of japanese people allow themselves to be pushovers, and are so deathly afraid of conflict nothing ever gets resolved. and often there IS no other, subtler, less in-your-face alternative. sometimes confrontation is NECESSARY. it's worth noting that with no disputes, nothing ever gets resolved.

and yes -- people who haven't lived there don't know.

~happy to be home

Answer 1

I love how most of the people who call you a bigot have never really spent time in Japan/do not understand Japanese, but have just gone as a tourist.

Before I lived here I would have read your post and come to the same conclusion (before I lived here I even defended the term "gaijin" as a simple abbreviation, wow was I ignorant!), but it is just absolute fact. Once I realized this and accepted this, life became easier when I started to think of rude people, "It's okay, they don't know any better. I was raised better than this person was." While it sounds arrogant it's my only way of keeping sane sometimes. I think you have to have a certain amount of "(whatever you are) pride" in order to balance out the negative vibes.

I'm Caucasian, so I'm routinely called "gaijin," have people complain about "gaijin" or talk about America (y'know, cuz being white automatically makes me American) whenever I step into the room/restaurant/whatever, stereotyped to DEATH (not so much for my nationality, but for my race, and not even used tongue-in-cheek or as a question, but instead very matter-of-fact, as in "Well since you're foreign, we'll have to..." Some person even refused to sell me some food saying "Foreigners don't like this," no matter how many times I told her, "I'm not foreign, I live here, and I can eat it, thank you" BTW foreigner (gaijin)=white. black=black. Asian=referred to by country or sometimes racial slurs if Korean, otherwise also called "foreigner" by school bullies), asked if I can REALLY read Japanese like 30x by each person I have to deal with because they don't believe me (and I'm too stubborn to start reading out documents because what is this, you're trying to quiz me or something?), complimented on being able to use human eating utensils or eat human food practically every single time I go out, harassed constantly, teased even by children on the train (how do you deal with that?), treated like a criminal if you're out with other white/black friends (workers in shops leer at you as if you're about to steal something, the treatment is VERY different than when I go out with my husband, the difference is almost laughable), turned down for jobs because of being foreign, and my worst experience, getting griped out by the woman next to me in my hospital room after I had a miscarriage (already the worst experience of my life) for the sin of being a "gaijin" and invading her space.

Add to that all the prejudice of the media (white people are big, ugly, hairy, stupid, and have giant noses, black people look and act like monkeys) and after several years you feel pretty unwelcome. All the "half" people I've met dealt with hell too...always being called a "gaijin" at school, getting into fights all the time, even being spit on... I'm pregnant now and am really worried about my child. I plan to speak in English to my child, which is pretty much an invitation to be harassed (I have a friend whose daughter would refuse to walk with her for this reason). But basically, if you don't look 100% Japanese, you have 0% chance of being treated "completely normal."

But I think being here has made me a very strong person, and I also have a lot more sympathy for ethnic minorities anywhere in the world, although Japan is a lot more harsh on us because they don't even TRY to do something about it or acknowledge the problem like most first-world countries.

Also there is no concept of sarcasm here so you can't deal with it that way, and there is no joking because "we like you so we are taking the piss out of you" like the British, French, and Americans do to each other...they really do think you are a space alien, and that's no joke.

Yeah though, they love tourists...who doesn't? $$$

The world is a really sad place, it's true.

Some people apparently like it here from what I've seen on this site. I haven't met anyone like that in real life. All my friends from abroad have the same complaints. All I can think is that if someone enjoys all that...they just love attention.

Then again sometimes you meet nice people and not everyone is the same. I'm not always treated poorly. It just happens way too much for comfort. Way too many awkward moments. Way too many uncomfortable situations. I've learned to never make eye contact. Always look completely apathetic. Wear headphones. If you build a wall around yourself, people are less likely to harass you. It sounds kind of sad, but life is easier that way for me.

This is my second time venting on this site... I never get voted the best answer. Always someone who says "It's YOUR fault you're discriminated against! Japan is wonderful they have anime!!" wins...actually my last post was a lot more gentle, I don't care about best answer anymore so I wrote my true scathing feelings XD But it sure feels good.

Answer 2

oh, I can't tell you how long I longed to here what you just wrote... well, not 'just' wrote, but you wrote.
I am an Aussie dad who is living in Japan with his half Aus/Jap daughter of just two. I pray in so often that she ends up with your kind of thinking and pray even stronger that she never consider a Japanese man for herself. .. not that any such thought rattles easily within, I could not imagine a life for my little girl that included the loveless, touch-less and emotionless connection they believe comes with two futons placed side by side for forty years...
I congratulate you on speaking your mind.

Answer 3

One is either Japanese or not. One cannot be "half Japanese". This is Japanese mentality. You are Australian.

Japan is a narrow place. Doing things differently is not appreciated. Going against the grain is not possible in Japan. Ever heard the idiom "The nail that sticks up gets hammered down"? That's Japan. Just imagine a more warped mentality that submerges the individual than the "Tall Poppy" mentality your country is obsessed with.

Answer 4

I don't know how you came up all these. I am a Chinese, I should hate Japanese like the older generation Chinese do, but I don't. I like Japan and I like Japanese people. Japan is so nice and clean, people are so polite and courteous. You never have to worry being cheated when buying things at little shops or from street vender.

One time I looked at a map in the street, a girl came up and asked me if I need help. She not only gave me the direction, but also walked two blocks with me to ensure I get to the right place. I have this kind of experience more than once. In some countries, you get lucky if people don't give you a wrong direction.

Answer 5

When I was in Japan, there was no "mind-numbing coldness". The people were very friendly and willing to help out. Some people are shy around foreigners, though. It's not that they hate them, but they assume that the foreigner does not know Japanese (often a justifiable assumption), so they are nervous that they will have to try and speak English (or maybe even a different language). Even Japanese people who are not bad at English may be too shy to approach you. Also, some people are not moved by the fact that you're from another country. Just like in America, if someone says "I'm from Japan/Italy/etc.", some people will become curious, and others will be neutral and not really care. These types of people can seem "cold", because they don't produce the foreign-obsessed fanfare that many Americans THINK they will get in Japan.

You say you are half Japanese, as if that makes your complaints legitimate, but do you speak Japanese? Do you really know that much about Japanese culture, beliefs, etc? I suppose if you "like starting big fights", then you would not be well suited for Japan, though. It just seems as though you conciously decided to dislike Japan and then twisted things about the people to make them support your predetermined opinion...

Answer 6

Why would you hate someone for being "uncreative?" I would pity them. Maybe they didn't have the opportunities that you did. Of course they were raised in a different way. If you are going to hate anything, hate the system that stifled their creativity. I do think the educational system in Japan needs a huge overhaul, but they know that and are trying to change things bit by bit.

And this is something that I realized by living in Japan: what is courtesy? Courtesy is NOT being polite to people because you like them or because you want to be polite. Courtesy is treating strangers and even those you dislike w respect and politeness.
So why do people always rant about Japanese people being two-faced? Guess what, they ARE, and that is how they define who they are. You are NOT a close friend, therefore you are treated w politeness. If someone talks about you behind your back, guess what--it's none of your business.

Saying the first thing that comes into your head, stating your own personal views on everything, "going-off" on people or picking fights w people that get on your nerves, and even talking to people about your personal business (think about it, maybe they don't want to listen to you?!) is what the Japanese call "wagamama." As Americans, we just assume that the best way to get to know someone is to tell them a bunch of stuff about ourselves, but most Japanese people do not feel this way.

Answer 7

I am only guessing that, if you look Japanese enough and speak Japanese well enough, it might have worked against you in Japan because then you might not have been granted the tolerance normally granted to foreigners. In other words, if you look and talk like a non-Japanese, people will be accepting of you even if you think and behave non-Japanese, but it may bother them if they think you are Japanese (i.e if they presume that you must have a Japanese mindset).

I'm sorry you had a bad time in Japan, but how fair it is to judge a whole nation from a short-time personal experience? Also, 'starting big fights' sort of attitude doesn't work well in Japan.

Answer 8

I'm Japanese and my kids are half Japanese just like you are. After read what you wrote make me think may be my kids feel like you when we have a chance to visit Japan. I know my daughter will think Japanese food is suck because she is a picky eater. If you visit Osaka , peoples are more friendly than other part of Japan. Why don't you think You are You. Don't think as "half japanese". If you keep thinking negative, you will never have a good time in Japan (or anywhere you go).

Answer 9

Japanese culture is made of lots of aspects.People(travelers) tend to judge a country only on their experiences and believe that's all what the country is but of course it is not sufficient.
When,where,how long,and with what job did you spent the time in Japan ?People are so different depending on every situations.
Rural people are more friendly than urban,Kansai people are more active(and sometimes aggressive) than Kanto,bureaucrats are smart but FAR less eager than ordinal workers(I have worked in both environment) and uncreative.White collars and blue collars are also very different.I admit Japanese people are tend to be shy to foreigners but that's not all.
You wrote you love Japanese art,and some stuff.Then think about the people who creats them.When you know they are (almost) all made by Japanese how can you say they are uncreative ?

Each culture has its own good and bad side,not only Japan but U.S. and all the country are the same in that meaning.
If you don't like Japan,you don't have to come again but I believe it's gonna be a big loss for your life to live without knowing interesting diversity and cultural depth of Japan despite the fact you have an advantge to know Japanese culture as being half japanese.

Make a good Japanese friend,then I believe you will change your mind !! good luck !!

Answer 10

I had bad experiences in Japan..of course ..I won't deny it..I understand how you feel and your thoughts..
but...I did have lots of more rewarding experiences too on my years living in Japan and meeting lots of people. I learned to appreciate more things when I left the countries I had lived for the past years, because in every countries I will live, there are always pros and cons..If you learn how to deal with it and take the opportunities this would be more rewarding.
Sometimes we have to look up those bad experiences and learned from it...for the better..so we do not have to expect more good things will be ahead of us but keep in mind that we can't change everything, but we could change ourselves on how we are going to be positive even there are negative sides of living in other countries.
Before I came to Japan, I heard lots of negativity,,but I dare went and I was satisfied. On my next destination..I became more strong and confident that I could overcome all those bad things that would come to me being new and ignorant in another country. Sometimes no one would believe I could make it there, but I believe in my Creator that He would be there for me to make it possible living in the country..These are all I have to keep me going.....faith, hope, courage, love, respect, peace..more than material things...I do know that the Lord would provides me with what I need.. Bad experiences would come because it helps me keep those faith stronger and remember that GOD is with me. IF I do only expect of good things... I would never learn and only take things for granted..
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If I would have a big fight, I would not waste my energy about these negative sides of experiences, comments or thumbs down..but guard against myself for having wrong attitudes that keeps me from being positive and moving on.....
I do not see you as Western, Asian or European,, just another traveler....having experiences(g00d/bad) living/staying in another countries... take care!

Answer 11

Everything will be fine until you get serious problems! Setting up a small business which will do fine at the beginning and everyone being nice and smiling...and then one day will come a nice yakuza guy, the rest of the story is history, and by then you will understand how all your friends really feel about you and that not even the legal system will get you out of your mess!