Just had a baby 3 months ago and stuggling marriage.....?

Question

My husband and I just had a baby girl 3 months ago. I feel like our marriage is slowly slipping away. I feel no attraction to him anymore, my hormones are all messed up, and I had postpartum depression, so I am gussing this is why. Also with a baby I am so tired at night I just dont want to have sex, I have no desire to be intimate with him at all, I know that is horrible. I love him dearly and want to know if any of you experianced this and how to make it better. Thanks!

Answer 1

All marriages go through different phases, and need to evolve to stay fresh. Sex doesn't work forever, even the best roller coaster can get hold after a while. Its best to have "honesty sessions" and openly talk about keeping each other happy.

Answer 2

THIS IS ALL NORMAL. Don't panic yet. Is he acting attracted to you and wanting to have sex with you? If it's only coming from your end (and this is your first baby), you are feeling completely normal. Your all mixed up with the new baby and your marriage has taken the back seat. If I were you, I would definitely tell him how your feeling and ask him how he is feeling about your alls relationship. I would also try to get a babysitter, if possible, one night a week so you can go to dinner, alone, and re-light that spark that brought you together in the first place!! Babies can make or break people I've heard, and if you really love each other then you can get through this and these feelings will pass the more time goes on! Good luck girl!

Answer 3

Love is not an emotion. If you are not having his primary needs being met, you are "not" loving him.

I can confidently say that having a baby can for a lot of people, have a clearly major negative impact in closeness, intimacy and friendship within the confines of a marriage.

As well, only YOU can choose to make your marriage work and be happy in it. It takes BOTH to make it work, but you can only account for yourself.

Your desires to be intimate are normally pushed out of the mind after having a baby. But understand, it is not usually the primary need of the woman for physical release or relations. It is, however your husband's, which is MORE important than the baby. I did not say "your" baby, because the baby is both of yours.

Be very careful, you have not made the baby more important than your husband.

Before baby, was husband. Before pregnancy, was husband.
Many sabatoge their marriage for children. Lives are forever destroyed, including the children they set as demi-gods to worship.

Attraction and desire are all re-ignitable. This is where the "love" in your marriage activates. Before this, it was all feelings and emtions. Now, LOVE gets to be a Verb, and action, rather than an immature emotion.

Start to love your husband by stepping up to the plate of responsiblity of a wife over being a mommy.

Find someone to babysit and get out with just the two of you, withOUT talk or discussing the baby. It is not always about baby.

Start paying more attention to your husband like you "used" to before any baby came along.

Re-prioritize your marriage to be the "most" important part of your life.

You DO have control over your emotions, actions, reactions and any depression. If necessary, go right away to see a counselor, and if necessary, pop needful pills to get your head back on straight.

YOU spark your love life wth your partner. Too many times, the husband is put on the backburner and the "new baby" is put on a pedestal. As miraculous and beautiful a baby is and can be, as with anything, do not let that overshadow the yet more miraculous and beautiful situation: I loving, happy marriage in today's society.

http://www.housefellowship.org

Answer 4

I don't have any children myself, but from stories I've heard from other women this sounds fairly normal. Many couples have difficulty after a baby arrives. I think the most important thing for you and your husband now is to be honest with eachother about how you feel. He may tell you he's sexually frustrated and feels left out (many fathers do, since you're the one in these early days that can most easily feed and calm the baby), but hopefully he understands what you're feeling, too, and that the reason you're not having sex with him and are distant isn't because you dislike him but because, as you said, your hormones are all messed up and you're depressed.

You've both gone through a HUGE life change, and hopefully you can give eachother the time and space to adjust to it together. If it's still a problem, don't be afraid to look into counseling (for both of you) and medications (for your depression). Good luck, and hopefully once this pain subsides you can get to work enjoying your new little baby.

Answer 5

I am going through the same thing right now, we have a 10 week old daughter. I am not so attracted to my husband right now either, I'm always tired but lately I just give it to him to shut him up.... thats bad huh? But the real problem is that I cannot stand him right now, everything he does gets on my nerves, and I feel like he does not help me with the baby or anything around the house. This is something everyone is telling me we will get through but I think that is easier said than done. After I've worked all day, picked up the baby, cooked, cleaned up the house, washed bottles, bathed the baby, iorned my work clothes for the next day and finally got the baby to sleep, I just want to go to sleep too. And he never helps me do any of this, he only b!tches about what I don't do like give him enough sex. I've come to the conclusion that men are so insentive to our needs and they should try more, especially after their wife has a baby. This is not an easy time right now with a new baby, our husbands should at least try to make things easier!!! good luck

Answer 6

The same thing happened to me. Our kids are 19 months and almost 5 months. I have not been in the mood at all. I finally went to the doctor and got an antidepressant to combat my PPD and I am also taking ginseng. It seems to be helping. Try to get some exercise every day and eat healthy. I have kidney and thyroid issues as well that cause my sex drive to drop. Contact your doctor to see if they can give you something for depression and buy yourself some ginseng. Try to make sure you get out of the house with your husband and no kids at least once every 2 weeks or so. See if you can leave the baby overnight somewhere so you guys can relax and be a couple. That will set the mood and maybe you will be in the mood. Good luck. I hope this works for you. It did for me.

Answer 7

This is what I call “mommy syndrome,” and you need to get rid of it… For 9 months your body was an incubator and you got a little one kicken’ around making you puke and let’s not forget the expanding waist size…. Then after birth you become a human cow/milk machine and it feels like a barracuda attached to your breast and that it will never let go (lol)! Then you get that look from your husband who is slowly counting down the “six weeks” that your doctored ordered and thinking that as soon as that last day is over my wife will turn into a porn star and all will be ok! I completely understand where you’re coming from; I’ve done it three times!

What you need to do is have some “you” time and you need to spoil yourself! You need to find your “sexiness” again and gain some confidence again. Giving birth to a child is no easy task and either is caring for one. On top of that your husband wants attention also and it feels like you don’t have the time or the energy for him. I’ve been there…it’s sooo much easier to fall asleep than have what feels like a chore of “taking” care of your man. Have your mother watch your child for a day and go get your hair done, a massage and get some new clothes and lingerie that make you feel sexy and like a goddess woman, rather than a mom. And while you’re out getting pampered tell your husband that we’re kid free for the evening and tell him to plan a nice romantic dinner. Then the two of you can have a night of intimacy and your husband will be excited all day waiting for you to return home from pampering.

The most important thing to remember is that you need to make time for “you” in order to make time for your husband. Take care of yourself and enjoy your new family, your hormones will eventually get back to normal and so will your relationship with your husband, but you have to take care of yourself first. Good luck and best wishes!

Answer 8

What you are going threw is 100% normal. Having a new baby in the home is very stressful, and time consuming. You need to find time for your self, and your marriage. It may seem hard to do, but it can be done. It takes a while for your body and your hormones to get back to normal after a baby. Let him help with the baby, and you go and get out of the house from time to time or even just go and take a nap.
Just never forget to take a little time for your self every day, it makes all the difference in the world.

Answer 9

This is perfectly normal. Try having a family member take the baby for a night and renting a hotel room so you two can have some alone time. I had my daughter almost a year ago now and my hormones are still all screwed up! I have no desire left in me at all! We just make sure that we have time together witout the baby, and time to ourselves also. It will really make you feel human again to have a day all to yourself!

Answer 10

It's good to know that your normal! (smile). Don't feel bad, your exhausted and the baby has taken all of your time. Often, without knowing it, we men tend to get jealous. After all, all that attention you were giving us is now invested in the little one. Then to top it off, we act out, (now you got two kids to take care of)This puts a real strain on marriage. Balance is the key. You've been given some real good suggestions already, if you act on them your feelings will come back. If this is your first, it will be hard, but you won't regret it. After the 3rd of 4th child, you'll look back and wonder why it was so hard now. And remember, love is a decision not a feeling. It's an action word. Love your husband at all times and if necessary use words! Congratulations on your new arrival and good luck!

Answer 11

Wow! Sounds like me, but I had a boy! Not exactly 3 months ago, more like 30 years ago. That hurt. I held back until hubby signed the papers that I could get my tubes tied. Once the fear of pregnancy was gone it all came back together again.

Your kid is 3 months old. She will be able to have more solid food and sleep more. You don't have to be 'supermom' at this point.

Put her in a playpen and do what you gotta do during the day. She'll be just fine confined and can 'crash' whenever she wants to. You just won't have to be chasing her around the house all day. Although, at 3 months, I don't imagine she's doing too much running around. Guess you're still in the PPD mode.

Also, get real... how much time does it take to care for a 3 month old? Change diapers 6x a day.. 30 minutes. Feed kid 5 times a day... 30 more minutes. Bathe kid... 15 minutes. Quit blaming the baby and get a grip. It's not the kid's fault that you're tired.