Twenty years!?

Question

I'm a mature guy, married for many years but she stopped love-making when the dreaded menzies came along. Since then has never allowed me to touch, cuddle or fondle her, you name it, for the last twenty ( yes 20) years
She has gained a bit of weight, no real problem, and has the most fantastic boobs, I'm a boob man. But she won't discuss her problem go see a doctor, nothing. It drives me nuts.
Been searching for a lover for years but where do I look? I've been going out of my mind for someone to hold and be with a few hours. Don't want to leave her.

I know, but I have to dream

Yes, that's the problem, I have tried to talk. But she doesn't want to know or listen. I never shout, get angry, try to 'play'

As kids we had good sex although she was not a fantastic lover. And as someone said, 'no support if I look elswhere' Don't want to, But I don't wanna die without being with woman. Not necessarily for sex.

No she's never been abused and I have never pressurised her. But just to hold and be close. As I said sex is not everything at our age

menzies = change of life/menopause (sorry)

Answer 1

Have you talked to your wife about the intimacy problems? If she doesn't want you to touch her, would she be comfortable with you seeing another girl for these interactions. It's hard to talk about such issues, but honesty is much better than "getting caught".

Answer 2

You should put it out in the open. Don't get loud about it, but she needs to take your feelings into consideration. Tell her that if she is not willing to fulfill her part in the marriage, that you are just being honest with her, that you will than seek comfort elsewhere. If she has problems with this type of arrangement, then you can tell her to get the help through counseling that she obviously needs. win win.

You need to strap them on and stand up for yourself. Quit being a tool, and tell her what you want and why. She has treated you less like a person and you have allowed it. Take part of the responsibility for this and together move on .
Good luck

Answer 3

Tough gig, life.

You've been strong for a long time, and it sounds obvious you've tried to hold the line well beyond the call of duty.

But it takes two to tango, marriage wise, and if you can't live with what you're stuck with, maybe it's time to move along.

Most single women want a single, or divorced man. And any relationship with a married woman is a bad one, partly because of what you're doing to another man sitting fat, dumb and happy thinking he has a woman he can trust.

You don't have a lot of options.

Answer 4

Dont start looking for someone new just yet. Just give your wife an ultimatum tell her to go to the doctor or your leaving. Sex is not every thing but touch and closeness however are very important to a relationship it makes you closer so just tell her to get help it is probably something she is not responsible for and is embarrased to talk about.

Answer 5

I am thinking you mean menopause...?

You should go to a marriage counselor with your wife to discuss the problem. If she won't go, go without her. I would not advise cheating on your wife. If you find that your wife is unable to satisfy you, your best bet would be a separation because that is where cheating will land you down the road.

Answer 6

If the marriage is over and it is ,end it.If you take a lover not only will you commit adultery,but you will carry some one else into that as well.Don't be a coward about this if you want intimacy and your wife doesn't than the marriage is over.Bury it.

Answer 7

sit with her an ex plain that a very important part of a relationship is sex and without it, the relationship will suffer and ultimately cost the marriage through cheating or just loss of love, let her know you think she is beautiful and touch her like she was 17 again and good luck

Answer 8

I'm not saying she's right. She should go see a doctor at least, but you're not right either. You've stayed with her in this relationship. If you can't handle it anymore, and no, we can't blame you, then leave her and find someone else. Why cheat?

Answer 9

what the hell* are the "menzies"

Talk to her tell her how you feel. Ask her what you should do. Tell her that you will do what ever she says. Remind her how patient you've been. Be firm.

Answer 10

Then you need to talk to her without blaming her and let her know that you are thinking of doing this. She may not realize how bad it is or she may be so hurt she retreats. But you need to be honest and try to get into some counseling.