Long story short. My mother passed away last week. My ex husband and I were married for over 17 yrs- so yes I knew he was going to be at the services. I didn't ask the man I have been seeing for 4 months to go because I knew the ex was going to be there. My boyfriend showed up at the wake anyway and sat next to me for a while, my ex glared at him the whole time. As my boyfriend, left my ex followed him outside and watched him leave. I know my ex is manipulative and that the reason he did that was to scare him off. He is confrontational and obsessive. I have moved on and want nothing to do w/him but we have 2 children together and unfortunately he is going to be in my life. My boyfriend is patient and the opposite. (reason I fell in love w/him) I feel that any more of my ex's scenes (this is the 2nd time he's done something like this) might drive this man away. I don't want to lose him.......but what can I do???
2007-08-23 03:36:48 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
if he really loves you then he will deal with your ex-husband and his craziness. if not, then you don't need him...and your kids don't either. you've only been together for 4 months, you shouldn't be too attached....just take it slowly. you can't possibly know someone very well in 4 months.....and time will tell whether he will be there and stick up for you and want to deal with the crazy ex or not. and if not, then someone else will be.
2007-08-23 03:44:07 · answer #1 · answered by Brandy 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
First I'm sorry about the death of your mother, right now I'm sure you are going through a extremely emotional roller coaster right now. Second, what your ex did @ your mother's funeral wasn't the time or place. At that time, he should of only shown respect @ the funeral. As to dealing with him, that is a tough situation. I'm sure you have made things clear with him where you stand as far as a relationship. If he is unable to do this, then limit conversations with your ex to only dealing with the children and not allow anything personal into the situation. As to the current boyfriend, also have a open and honest communication between the two of you. Make sure that the past is just that, the past and that he is your future. I hope things work out but if your ex does anything that you feel that anyone is threatened in any way - do contact the police.
Ton of hugs â¥Mel
2007-08-23 10:50:52 · answer #2 · answered by jaredsmommy2004 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OUCH , the ex is not going away or his personality change unless he gets married. You need to talk to boyfriend & comfort him about this, sounds like BF is a good guy. If boyfriend confronts ex, it might not be good, or it might solve the problem. You could get a restraining order put on ex for harassment. YOu could consider moving out of state, or get boyfriend to catch ex somewhere deserted and stick a gun in ex's mouth tell him to leave him and you alone, if he does not that he will blow his b@%lls off
2007-08-23 10:51:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hopefully your nice boyfriend is mature enough to not fall for the ex's stupid behavior. If you let the jerk's behavior spoil your relationship, you're just giving in to him. He's gotten away with this crap for so long that he'll see no reason to cut it out unless he's given one. For him to act this way at your own mother's funeral is unforgivable. And I suspect your BF knows what the ex is doing.
This isn't just a problem at a funeral, though. It's a problem with your ability to communicate. The keys to any relationship are trust and communication. You need to talk this problem out very seriously with your boyfriend. The way to prevent the loser ex's tactics from driving a wedge between you is to present a strong united front. Bring all your concerns to the table and tell him exactly what you're telling us. You're afraid your jerk off ex's behavior will drive your boyfriend away - tell your BF that in so many words. I suspect that one reason you were stuck with the jerk for 17 years is that you're afraid to say anything when something's wrong. If you want to keep this nice boyfriend, then you have to get rid of that and confront the problem head on.
Best of luck - keep us posted.
T.Witch
2007-08-23 11:16:58 · answer #4 · answered by Nightlight 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Nothing you can do if your ex is a jerk, the kids will always connect the 2 of you so you will have to deal with him on some level. I don't know the whole story but tell me if I'm wrong for assuming you left your ex for your bf, if that's true as long as you're with the bf there will always be conflict, your ex feels like the bf friends took his kids as well as you.
2007-08-23 10:55:29 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just remember that your ex husband is just that, an EX. Even though you have to deal with him because of the children, he is NOTHING more in your life - he cannot run you anymore. Even though he will not give up the role of being controlling and manipulative - you DO NOT have to respond to it, and neither does your boyfrind. You should attend things together and you need to support your boyfriend in those occasions. You and he need to show the ex that his behavior WILL NOT intimidate you ANYMORE. He will eventually back off when he sees that his behavior gets a 'ZERO' reaction from you both. Ignore him to the hilt.
2007-08-23 10:49:41 · answer #6 · answered by Annie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I suggest you talk to your ex and let him know you do not appreciate how he is acting towards your boyfriend and you would like it to stop. Remind him that you two are no longer together so he has no right to do what he is doing.
Also you need to talk to your current boyfriend about this.
Other than that there is really nothing you can do, your ex is going to act the way he wants and he is going to treat your boyfriend anyway he wants.
I'm sorry you have to put up with this but the only solution is to talk to him!
good luck!
2007-08-23 10:45:35 · answer #7 · answered by Kasja 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your boyfriend truly loves you then he should and would understand that what your ex does is not your fault. In fact he should commend you on leaving that jerk. As hard as it is, once you show your ex husband that he can no longer manipulate and control your life the faster he also will move on. Best of luck to you!
2007-08-23 12:53:51 · answer #8 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You have to talk to your boyfriend and explain how your ex is going to act. If all he does is glare and follow, consider yourselves lucky. My wife's ex was the same way, even attacking me physically at one point. I stayed with her because I wasn't going to let an obsessive, controlling jerk influence my life. We moved to another town and now contact with the ex is limited to dropping off the kids for visitation.
2007-08-23 10:45:13 · answer #9 · answered by wwbrad90 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure your BF knows what the score is. He's a big boy. Let him handle it the way he chooses. If it was me...I'd just ignore your Ex, for the most part.
If I wanted to have fun with it, I'd go out of my way to hold your hand or some other Public Display of Affection, just to show he doesn't bother me.
2007-08-23 10:47:44 · answer #10 · answered by tg315 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋