I have been in a relationship with a man for about a year and a half now. he has a 8 year old son that lives out of state with his mother. he speaks to him daily and his son spends summers here. His ex-wife is coming to pick up their son this weekend. My boyfriend is taking the day off work to pick her up, take her to her hotel for check in and then take their son shopping at mall. (i am okay with this...) however,on saturday they have made arrangements to get a family picture taken...all of them together...(this i am not okay with) and he doesnt understand where it is an issue. he said they do it every year for their son's sake, that they are a family.....I say they stopped being a family when they got divorced and shouldnt be giving their son any hope of their reconciliation. (which is what it appears to look like) I am struggling with this and need some opinions. We live together and his ex does know about me and we have spoken on phone.
2007-08-23 03:35:25 · 12 answers · asked by shellbellz4 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
My parents have been divorced since I was 5 years old and they havent been able to have a civil conversation in 20 years... my sisters and I always knew that there was no way on earth they would ever get back together. About 10 years ago we found this picture taken when we were only like 2 years old that has us and both of our parents together in it... this picture has become the most cherished picture that my sisters and I have ever had.... not because we feel like there is hope of them getting together, but becuase when we look at it, we see two people that we love very dearly and we feel whole. It is because they will never be together that makes the picture so special...
Please try to put your feelings aside and think of the son who does not have a complete family unit, and if this is a once yearly occasion, its not going to go any farther than that... this boy will really appreciate it and most importantly he deserves it... he didnt ask for separated parents.
I hope this helped, and I hope everything works out for the best.
2007-08-23 03:54:46 · answer #1 · answered by Mrs. V 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you my dear are being foolish.If he was your child's father would you expect him to stop being a father because he was with someone else? I really can't believe you feel this way.Yes him and his ex should spend time together as a family because to his son they are and will always be.Living under the same roof doesn't make a family.You knew about the other people he feels obligated to and his feelings must be respected.When you marry a man with a child and an ex wife, you become a apart of all the good times and all the drama.You are fearful that he and she may reconnect at some point??well I want it clear that under most circumstances,baby daddy's can get what's called baby daddy privileges,meaning ex's often have intimacies without getting back together,it's familiarity.Get out if you don't like the rules.
2007-08-23 03:47:36 · answer #2 · answered by punkin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to make some empathy with your husband. Maybe they think that their child is not ready to accept the idea of divorce yet. And he is their child and their responsibility in the first place. If you have a good relationship with this man than don't be sad for the things happen only once in a year.
The mother lives in another state and sees her ex once a year so you should focus on the rest of the year instead of just one short day.
2007-08-23 03:59:04 · answer #3 · answered by Ardelia 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
GIRL!!!! I see your point. They need to start teaching the boy that mom and dad are not together anymore. They are still his mom and dad but they have seperate lives now. Taking a FAMILY PICTURE does not help the little boy realize that his parents are divorced. It gives him hope that his mom and dad may work things out and get together again.
I JUST THINK...that it's strange that they take 'family' pics together. It's nice that they are friendly for the son's sake but....they should go out to dinner and BRING YOU so the son can see that daddy and mommy have moved on but they still love him.
2007-08-23 03:44:32 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I admit, it does sound a bit weird; however, his son should have a picture of his parents. I don't believe that it's false hope that they're getting back together, although I can see how it may hint at this. Most children of divorced parents have thoughts of their parents getting back together. The picture isn't going to change this either way.
2007-08-23 03:44:26 · answer #5 · answered by bx01z 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you and his ex don't necessarily need to have a relationship although sometimes people do have decent communications with their guy's ex... because of the kids.. perhaps someday you two will do this, or maybe not? it probably doesnt matter.
i think that if this guy treats YOU well and you feel like you are number one in his life, then just go with whatever happens. his son is very important to him, and it seems you've accepted that, too...
about the picture -- well, it's odd because most people don't do things like this, but if he and his ex have a platonic relationship and "get along for the son's sake" then let them have their picture....
i guess that, if my ex asked me to take a picture with our son, i'd probably do it...
take care... and i wish you all the best.
2007-08-23 03:42:29 · answer #6 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
♥ I agree with you about the picture... not only does it give his son false hope, but it just gives the wrong impression totally. His son is 8 years old and I think its time to have the "Sometimes mommy & daddy's go their seperate ways and dont like spending time together anymore. We'll always love you, etc etc etc!" Good Luck!
2007-08-23 03:47:35 · answer #7 · answered by NCIS ♥ Addict 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh HELL NO! Sorry but that to me looks like he still has feelings for her, which is possible because they were once a family. WERE, not anymore. Don't let him play you like that. Get out of there before he suddenly hits you one day with the "me and my wife decided to work things out for my son's sake" Line. It will happen. He stills wants her and she wants him. Believe it. It's almost like he's trying to have his cake and eat it too!
2007-08-23 03:44:28 · answer #8 · answered by Mrs. Digitts 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree that the mom should be in a picture only with the son and same with the father, but talk to him about this and try to understand why he wants her in a picture with him and his son.
But, I would not make a big deal out of it. Maybe he is trying to please his son. I have no idea.
How big of a deal is it?
Is it worth having a big blow out with him and possibly ruining your relationship?
2007-08-23 03:43:52 · answer #9 · answered by lionhearted63118 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not going to win this battle..
If you were married to the father you might, but your status right now is "live-in GF"
Normalcy for eight year old son will always take precidence over live-in gf....
2007-08-23 03:44:39 · answer #10 · answered by Sophie B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋