My husband and I haven't made love for 3 months...?

Question

My husband and I got married two years ago and we have a great relationship. Lately we haven't been having sex - he works alot two jobs and that includes alot of nights. Even on vacation he told me he was wanted to have sex but never made a move.
I just think its weird - I haven't gained weight, we haven't been fighting and I don't feel comfortable initinating because I know he likes to.
I don't know what to do I can't figure it out- I also know he isn't cheating on me - (he doesn't have time...).
I have asked him about this and he says he is tired - but he said I should read about what we should do. so I gave him some articles that say to schedule sex if you are busy to make sure that bond is still there. Still nothing..

Any thoughts......

Answer 1

Quit bugging him. He works 2 jobs including nights.
If you want him to have time for sex, can you get a job so he doesn't have to work so much?
Can you just "do" him and not be concerned about yourself?
Why are you leaving this entirely up to him? It's a partnership, so pick up some slack!

Answer 2

1

Answer 3

Everyone goes through cycles. And with him working 2 jobs, I would imagine that he is tired. Not sure how old you guys are, but that could have something to do with it too. I mean when I was young, guys could work all the time and STILL keep you up all night.

Now, my husband is in his 40's and when things are stressful at work, or we have a lot going on, we will go for long periods of time with no sex. Honestly.. it hasn't ever been 3 months, but it has been a month before.

If you know that he isn't messing around, then I wouldn't worry. I don't know that I would skip initiating sex though. There are times when it's been a couple of weeks and I'll wake my husband up by doing something that might get his interest 'up' if you know what I mean. I've never been turned down once.

Just don't make it about YOU. You mentioned that you hadn't gained weight - don't do that to yourself. Even if you had gained weight, if your husband is in love with you it isn't going to make any difference either. It's not about looks in a marriage - it certainly shouldn't be about that with a life committment.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Take a day when he is off of work fix him a meal go see a movie. Be creative, let him know you are wearing something "Special" just for him. Let him think about it all evening.

When you get home, if he is not "initiating" then you do it, if he objects, tell him that you are following his advice and have read that this might work. Then go wild, push the limits a little. I don't know any man that deep down does not want his wife to take the lead once in awhile. It makes him feel wanted, desired, that is a powerful motivator!

Or send him a moderately steamy e-mail, let him know your intentions, flirt with him relentlessly. Tease here and there. Make sure that he cannot go all day without thinking about what you two did the night before, keep him smiling all day!

Just some suggestions, but mainly be creative!

Good Luck to you both!

P.S. Give Charles T (two below me) the 10 points, his answer went much deeper than the surface. Also VERY good advice! Simplify your life, if it is bad now, after a couple of kids it is not going to improve, I would say he is more than just tired.

Answer 5

Hi Megsee25,

Would you two be comfortable visiting an adult store together? There are some established stores geared toward enhancing or rekindling healthy sexual relationships. You could browse some erotic films, sex aides, erotic board games, etc to get him interested again.

Have you tried buying a sexy or playful outfit, or asking him if has particular fantasies about certain outfits? It might be just the tiny spark needed to excite him.

Do you have time for a romantic getaway weekend? Stay in a hotel, have a nice meal, do something romantic together, have a big cozy hotel room for intimacy?

If he asked you to read articles on what to do, he is placing the responsibility on you. So you have to get creative and don't listen to your instincts that say "let him initiate it, because he likes to". He hasn't been doing that. It's time for you to initiate it, show him your passion for him, communicate your needs and show him how to fulfill them.

Date night is another great way to initiate communication about sex and intimacy. Plan a night out, away from work and home stresses, even if it's just dinner or dancing. Do this together and don't answer cell phones or let family/friends intervene. Removing yourself from those pressures and stresses will lighten your inhibitions and nature can take over.

good luck ~

Answer 6

Three months isn't very long.

It isn't you. You've got to stop assuming so much and just go with the facts. He's tired, that's all. Why is he working so much? That's what I'd want to know.

It's usually about money.

Are you working? Are the two of you spending too much money? Do you have huge debts?

Then start saving money. Sock it away in huge amounts. Invest it. Get a budget. Close out credit cards you're not using. Find the lowest interest credit card you can. Pay off all debts down to zero. Move into a cheaper house. Replace all of the incandescents with fluorescents. Turn off lights when you're not in the room. Turn off computers when you're not using them. Turn the hot water heater down. Insulate your house. Fix any drafty doors or windows. Adjust the thermostat. Get a digital thermostat. Go to yard sales, Goodwill, thrift stores. Sell your excess.

In the meantime, invite him out on a date out away from the house. Go to a hotel for the night. (Call to get a good deal. Always negotiate for a lower price if you can.)

And dear, make your bedroom a reminder of nothing but you and sex. Got a computer in there? Got bills stacked up in there? Got pictures of the in-laws? Get rid of anything that reeks of painful reminders. Drape a teddy. Fill a drawer with marital aids, creams, lubricants and vibrators. Put things in there that scream love, love love. Put a bullet proof lock on the bedroom door. Have towels by the bed.

Last: Be the one to start sex. Bring the seduction. Offer lots and lots of amazing foreplay. Burn down his resistance. Guide his hands. Teach him how to have sex again. Get him over the hurdle.

Answer 7

I had a similar problem for a while. He probably is REALLY tired. Hard to believe especially when you're already so stressed about the whole sex thing, but its probably true. Anyway, scheduling sex makes things boring and dull... nobody wants to be so busy and constrained that they have to schedule blocks of time. I would say to just initiate it anyway. By you doing that it might actually jolt him awake, and make turn him on even more since its not something you usually do. Maybe even surprise him at work on one of his breaks. Do something ridiculously sexy and silly in front of him that you KNOW he likes, but haven't done in a while or ever. Doing things he isn't used to will bring a new spark alive. Trust me. And if that still doesn't work... maybe a second job isn't the best idea?

Answer 8

Well you say he likes to initiate..but what a lot of men dont tell you is that they'd rather have YOU initiate. DO not try to wear lingerie, dye your hair, war new clothes. none of these things work if a man is truly stressed/tired. So surprise him out of the blue..when he comes home...just grab him...give him some oral action..real nice and slow doing all different things... and then move on to the show. It should work, if not perhaps he has some sexual (ed?) problem he does not want to share so uses his business as an excuse.

A man is never too busy to have sex or to cheat. You dont know where he is every minute...just keep that in mind. If he reciprocates when you initiate, that is a good sign. However, if it becomes you ALWAYS initiating and/or him never pleasuring you..then there is a real problem. You will need to find a sex therapist in your area.

Answer 9

Intimacy between a married couple is very important. You should try to initiated, just go over to him and rape him! Im just joking but maybe you should do that, out some sexy lingerie, flirt with him, seduce him or get him to relax. if these things don't work then there might be other issues around it that you guys need to talk about. Maybe he might just be so tired from working but thats not good either. He shouldn't be that tired and if he is maybe you guys need to make some economically decisions so he wont have to work so much. But there could be other issues and you should (after trying to rape him) talk to him about it. If the conversation does not lead to a resolution maybe couples therapy might work. But I doubt it will get that far. By what you said the poor man might really just be tired and thats not healthy and you guys should make arrangements so it won't be like that for him. and scheduling sex doesn't sound very romantic...girl grab him and rape him..im sure he'll enjoy it...so will u

Answer 10

First off, All men like sex. You may not want to schedule it with your husband, but schedule it for yourself. and don't get upset if something else comes up. You don't have to schedule sex, but maybe a date. You know what he likes. Fix him dinner, take a shower together and then just jump him. I am the aggressor in my marriage and i still love it when my wife jumps me. It makes me want her even more. Second, it doesn't have to be at night. When does he have energy. If it is in the afternoon, jump him then. I also know that guys love sex when they can see their loved one (lights on). Lastly, don't bug him about not wanting you. This will only put him on the defensive. even if you think he might be having an affair. You know what he likes, so use it against him. If you do everything above, and he still doesn't respond, you two really need to talk. He may be stressed about something. Or worse, be getting it somewhere else. Good Luck

Answer 11

You should definitely make the first move. He may be frustrated that you are so docile. He may interpret the fact that you are not managing the flow of events as a sign that you don't like sex. Prove to him otherwise.

Communication is probably the best answer to give though. Be frank with him. Tell him what you like. Tell him how you feel. If he becomes uncomfortable just try another subject related to sex, like dinner dates, romantic getaways, the activities that you have enjoyed in the past.

Lingerie, touching him alot, simply bending over in front of him are many ways to get a man excited. If none of these work, they you may have the situation that I'm in... partners with divergent sex drives.

My wife and I have not had sex in 3 months either.... her libido is about a 0.0001 on a scale of 1 to 10 and mine is a 5. I'm going crazy over it, but we continue to talk. Keep talking and it should work out.