i was laid off 5 or 6 months ago, i got a job it starts in 2 weeks (been married 6 years with 2 kids) and my husband has been paying the bills but he has been complaining the whole time he says he is tired of it that i should be paying for everything cause a woman should not the man, he says when i get my paychecks i am back to paying everything and i will have to pay him back all that he has calculated he has paid for those months! our son had to go to school with shoes that dont even fit him cause he said i should learn my lesson for not working. we dont have any food in the fridge either, just some hotdogs cause he said this is another lesson. what do you all think i should do?
2007-08-23 03:19:17 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Wow, he is treating you like his child and not his partner. So you need to teach him a lesson on marriage. Marriage is a partnership of two working together and taking care of eachother. Since he isn't willing to "take care of you" I recommend you don't take care of him. Personally I would give him a dose of his own medicine. Start a tab for him and start charging him for your services so that you can deduct the money he expects from you from his tab. I would be just as unreasonable as he is. So sex would cost him at least $50 dollars. I would charge $15 dollars to do his laundry. Then to cook his dinner and clean up after him I would charge at least $20. Play his game with him. But seriously, you are contributing to this marriage as he is. The only difference is his is monetary and yours is labor. So why is he better than you? He is not, he is trying to get over on you. I learned the hard way that we as individuals teach others how to treat us. So if you allow him to continue treating you like this, he always will treat you like this. Only you have the power to change it. You have to speak up and get pissed off. Honestly he is making the whole family suffer because of his lessons. As a mother your number one concern is your children. If he's not willing to feed his kids than you need to take the kids and go to where you will be supported and taken care of. It is sad that this man has his values and priorities all messed up. You can't allow him to rub off on you. Either stand up for yourself and your children now or wait a couple years. Because honestly I don't see someone like this just changing. Noboby likes change, but we have to force change if we want a better life for ourselves. I will tell you that I currently am working 60 plus hours a week to make up for my laid off husband. I don't resent him and I don't feel that he owes me anything as he has supported me through tough times. He contributes at the house in which I expect because we are partners. But I don't demand him to pay me back as we are supposed to take care of eachother. I feel so bad for you that he would treat you like this. I only hope that you fight him back and voice your opinion. It's sad he is willing to let your son suffer and possibly even damage his feet because he is self centered. Please get mad, please defend yourself and children. If I thought for one moment that my husband felt he was worthless in our marriage it would kill me as he has weathered me through several storms. Marriage shouldn't be about the check book balance but love and respect. He's not showing any of you any respect. Does he not realize that if you divorced him he would be forced to pay alimony and child support. Does he not recognize that you and your children would probably be taken care of better without him as the courts will make him give you money. He's really got this all backwards. You could have him by the balls if you chose to, but as I said earlier only you have the power to do this. Fortunately God gave us family in which we can usually depend on. I am sure your family would support any decision you made as your children need to be in a supportive positive environment. And truthfully, I would rather tuck my tail between my legs and ask for help from family rather than stick with a self centered jerk who won't even cloth and feed is own children. You should ask him exactly what lesson he is teaching his children. Not to mention the only thing I see him teaching you is the fact that you can't depend on him for anything. Sorry for ranting but I feel horrible for you. I wish you luck! Good Luck & God Bless!
2007-08-23 04:25:26 · answer #1 · answered by redmoondown 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, your husband sounds very resentful. Maybe you should have a talk with him about how it's BOTH your responsibility to take care of the family, not just yours. I don't understand why he wants you to pay for everything. Do you have separate bank accounts? Sounds like you two really need to try and talk this over and find out why he's so angry. Maybe you can illustrate what you did while you were laid off (took care of kids, cleaned house, etc) so he doesn't think you just laid around doing nothing all day while he went to work. And maybe you can also illustrate times where you've contributed more than he has (took the kids to school every day for example). Make the playing field even.
2007-08-23 03:28:00 · answer #2 · answered by brigirl_00 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh no, I have the same story. You have to ask yourself do you really want him back or do you want your LIFE back? I wanted my life back so bad I would have done anything. It's so hard to have your world torn out from underneath you! It's scary and hard and you feel so ashamed. You didn't do anything wrong, there is something wrong with him, not you. Just think about what would happen if he did come back. If he was an hour late coming home would you wonder if he was ever coming back? Would you ever be able to trust him again? Would he ever be able to respect you again? I know this pain and it is so, so hard. It hurts SO bad but you have to be strong for yourself and your kids. It does get better, a little at a time. Some days are better than others. You have to push him from your mind and try as hard as you can to build your own life without him. 5 months is not very long and it will take a long time to heal. Please take care of yourself. You deserve so much better than that!
2016-05-20 23:11:24 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is a partnership. You shouldn't have to pay for everything. Nor should he. If you were laid off, that's beyond your control.
How your son's suffereing in shoes that are too small for him is going to "teach YOU a lesson" is beyond my scope of understanding.
Should both a man and woman work? Yes. Is it only your responsibility to make sure there are clothes on your kids's backs and food in the fridge. Nope.
You can do better than this guy...really...and from the sound of it...it wouldn't be too hard to do better than him. He sounds like a loser.
2007-08-23 03:27:27 · answer #4 · answered by biiiiaaach 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What was he like before you married him? You are an enabler for letting him get away with this. He is punishing your son with ill fitting shoes because he wants YOU to learn a lesson?? I don't know what state or country you live in , not that it matters, because women in this day in age do not go for this crap. Leave him and get a lawyer. Your entitled to 1/3 of his paycheck for child support. Where's your family and friends through all this? Not having any food in the house for your children ON PURPOSE is child abuse.Get with the program and wise up!!
2007-08-23 03:49:54 · answer #5 · answered by Veritas 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whats the whole story here, are you saying that he expects you to pay the mortgage and utilitys. If thats the case he is dead wrong. If he is saying that you are responcible for the children and your self he is dead wrong. I am in a bad marriage and am well aware how statments that shouldnt be made in the heat of anger are often misunderstood and intended to hurt but arent true.
Talk to him between fights, maybe go somewhere that the two of you enjoy going to alone and gently bridge the topic to find out what he really believes, he may be frustrated and dealing with things you arent aware of.
Divorce isnt always the answer, compromising on both your parts may be the answer.
2007-08-23 03:50:54 · answer #6 · answered by gearset01 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you kidding me. I'm sorry, but your husband is not a man. My husband is proud to take care of his family, and has allowed me stay home with our three kids for years. You have to know thats wrong. Are you seriously going to pay for everything while he does nothing? I thing your better than that. I think it's time to think about if it's worth staying in the relationship. Do you want to stay with a man who won't buy his kids shoes and food? What type of man tells his wife to pay for everything, and not help support his family. I think it's time to move on. You can do better. Your suppose to be equal in a marriage. Let me know what you decide.
2007-08-23 03:32:52 · answer #7 · answered by Tanisha M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try and knock some sense into him!
Being married is being part of a team, You need to give him an invoice for the following~
~Doing his laundry
~Keeping the house clean
~Picking up his beer cans after watching football on TV
~ Going food shopping
~ Having a meal on the table every evening
~Putting up with his complaining and nagging
~Looking after your child
~Taxi driver for child and him (when required)
~'Wife' duties (when required)
Now remember to calculate correct, on the invoice. Because studies have shown if a Housewife got paid for all the jobs she does she would be earning around $125,900 to $150,000 per year
Good luck
2007-08-23 03:32:34 · answer #8 · answered by Mama~peapod 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
im sorry to say this but ur husband sounds like a piece of ****...i can understand u guys splittin all of the bills but as far as u payin for everythin when both of u guys have a child together is bull...u were out of work for 5 months but at least u have a job now so he shouldnt feel like he was doin u a favor cuz he was bein a man for once and started to pay a bill or 2...what hes doin isnt right and hes starving u and ur child too...he isnt a man...hes a bum and u need to set him straight or start lookin for a divorce lawyer cuz u shouldnt have to live like that...
2007-08-23 03:25:59 · answer #9 · answered by Jessica A 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG leave this prick!!! The bills are for both,they get split half and half and if he cant understand that then walk out WITH the kids.They should NOT have to suffer because of his attitude.And they will learn how to treat women like that when there older cuz there around him.That man has a serious problem!!!Good luck
2007-08-23 03:23:56 · answer #10 · answered by Gemini 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you husband needs counseling.
Why didn't you apply for unemployment benefits? At least you would have been receiving some money.
Sorry, you picked the wrong kind of man tobe married to . Make him fix his attitude towards life or leave him
2007-08-23 03:29:02 · answer #11 · answered by Roland'sMommy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋