Try to make it work?
Is it that I don't want to lose? (yes I am the one that is filing) Is it that I love him? (I feel happier when he's not home).
Intelligent introspect please.
2007-08-23 02:38:10 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
aml: very good idea to make lists, and to refer to those lists. I will do that.
2007-08-23 03:09:56 · update #1
It seems that you are fearing the unknown. Yes, divorce may lead to greater happiness, but there is also the chance it will lead to greater misery. You just don't know, and that can be scary for anyone. It is like the old saying, it is easier to stick with the devil you know than take your chances with the one you don't. So, even though you want to end your marriage, it is still familiar to you.
Furthermore, there is a real feeling of personal failure that comes with the end of any serious relationship, especially marriage. You made a serious vow, and now you may second guess your reasons for breaking that vow, so you try again to make it work.
Your best bet is to really sit down and examine your reasons for wanting to stay in the marriage, versus the reasons for wanting out. Write them down, make lists, whatever. Most importantly, be honest with yourself, you're only hurting yourself if you lie. Afterwards, read your reasons, chances are you will be able to see what your real feelings are. Keep the list handy for when you need reinforcement.
Whatever the reason, don't beat yourself up too much whatever decision you make. Ending your marriage is not supposed to be easy, and there are a lot of complicated emotions involved. Good luck!
2007-08-23 02:54:57 · answer #1 · answered by aml0017 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would think that the reason you feel that way is all of what you stated. As some have said it is much harder to start again rather than staying where you are. I'm sure you still love him, or at least the memory of the love for him. That is usually the case, since at one time you really did love him, now that person is an echo in your memory. With that you should also feel like you don't want to lose him. Everything you are feeling is natural, and OK. Sometimes things do not work out, and from the sounds of it you are not leaving a "bad" relationship, but one of which you are not in love. It is in most people's nature to make things work, because we never like to fail. But don't think of yourself as giving up as long as you have tried to make it work.
If you know you will not be happy then why would you stay. The reason that divorce only gives the prospect of happiness is that it is the unknown, you have no definitive answer, but with knowing that you wont be happy you really have nothing to lose and everything to gain (happiness).
2007-08-23 09:56:04 · answer #2 · answered by chrchll129 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You will hold out on that faint hope until you have decided that there is no use continuing. Only then will you be satisfied that you are making the right choice with choosing to separate or to divorce. Don't second think yourself you are going through all the right steps and feeling the correct emotions that anyone dealing with a failing marriage needs to go through.
2007-08-23 09:46:42 · answer #3 · answered by Deirdre O 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As answer #1 says, love is inside. When we feel we need someone to come and fill the space we have empty with love, we tend to become dependent of others. COuld also be that the voice in yr head is talking too much. Would be a good idea to put yr mind blank and try to listen to what yr heart says, because in yr heart you know why you're doing things, and what is right and what is not. Good luck!
2007-08-23 09:52:33 · answer #4 · answered by Sarah P 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you truly are not happy and have no love for your husband then you are not doing yourself or him any favors by staying in the marriage. Have you talked to your husband about your feelings? This needs to be done before you take any steps. I am sure he can sense you change in feelings; especially if you don't want him home. Talk to him first, if you decide its for the best to leave, then try to leave on good terms. Good Luck.
2007-08-23 09:52:36 · answer #5 · answered by GreeneyedCowgirl 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Happiness is not "out there"
happiness is within you. I recommend the book "getting the love you want"
you have to take action to improve your marriage. don't give up. you can change things. change yourself.
2007-08-23 09:45:56 · answer #6 · answered by Sufi 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
you are comfortable...but not happy. staying in a relationship, no matter how unhappy or bored you may be,is easy to stay in, starting a new life is much harder than just staying in your routine of a life.
2007-08-23 09:46:58 · answer #7 · answered by yesiamalesbian 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Divorce equals failure...I know this from experience...but go ahead and get it over with and you'll be glad you did...
2007-08-23 09:49:14 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋