My hubby and I have been TTC for over two years now. We've been married over five years. As much as I really want to start a family, I've recently just become filled with fears of money problems. I hear how much kids cost and it scares me. We're not poor, but we're not rich, and sometimes I fear we just don't have enough money for kids yet. These fears are making me sick. I try to talk to my hubby about it, but he wants kids so bad and he just says 'oh you'll never have enough money'. Which of course, isn't making me feel any better. I don't know if I'll ever feel ready finacially to be honest! Any advice? Thanks.
2007-08-23 01:10:48 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Trying to Conceive
If you are that worried, maybe it isn't the right time for you to have children. But, like your husband says, there is never a perfect time to have children, and there will never be "enough" money. I have seen very wonderful children come from the poorest circumstances, and some very rotten children come from the richest (of course, I have also seen the opposite). Children don't need extra things or money. They need the basic necessities and a whole lot of love. If you are ready to love a kid forever, then you are ready to have one :).
2007-08-23 01:23:09 · answer #1 · answered by Amber E 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i actually got pregnant at the worst possible time! and life is still good. during infancy, if you breastfeed, you wont need formula - which is by far the most expencive. and of course you'll need diapers, which is maybe 25$ a week. or you can cloth diaper which is technecally more cost effective (but no by much when you count laundry detergent and stuff. i love being a stay at home mom - and although my hubby and i do without eating out often or splurging on big things, we also dont have to pay for daycare. throwing a baby shower or 2 will supply you with most of the necessities. furniture: crib changing table and dresser will be your first expense. and really infants dont need ''things''. then as your child grows you will have other expenses such as a walker around 5 or 6 months - and that's only like 60$. and each stage you'll probally want different things to keep him or her occupied. by the time you need to pay for school clothes and fees ti will be years from now. and even if you were rich now, you may not be then - or vice versa. if you think the stress of the situation is affecting your fertility, you may want to talk to your doctor about it!! i wish you and your husband all the luck in the world!
2007-08-23 08:36:36 · answer #2 · answered by Jennifer W 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
None of us know the future. Finances change, illness, all sorts of things, it would be nice if we could see into the future but we can't.
We live in a culture that wants everything, all the nice stuff, the over priced name brand clothes, our computers, our gadgets etc. Your lifestyle would change if you had a child as will your priorities. Many of us spend wastefully, you may want to review where you are spending your money and make some changes.
You could sit down with your husband and make a budget, give it a couple of months and see how much you've managed to save, that may allay your fears somewhat. It might mean bringing lunches to work instead of eating out. Carpooling with a co-worker. Meals at home instead of fast food.
Before buying something (big items) ask yourself if it is a WANT or a NEED. Then consider what you'd rather have a family or a material possession that will give you pleasure for a short time.
I don't know too many people out there that have fistfuls of money but they do have families. No they can't always afford everything their kids want, but kids have to learn they can't have everything they want.
None of us has any guarantee about our future. If we relied on that before having children many would opt out and that would be such a loss.
I think as women we tend to need more security than men but take a leap of faith. I'm sure it will all be okay.
Best wishes.
2007-08-23 08:32:28 · answer #3 · answered by Choqs 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Oh honey, i can safely say that i can relate to how you are feeling, as i have often had these sort of feelings myself. The best advice i can give you is ' there is never a right time to have a baby' there can be a better time but never a right time. Having a baby is a life changing experience and once you have one, everything you and your hubby do will revolve around the baby, but that's life - we all have to cross the bridge one day if we want kids. I feel the sooner you start the sooner they will grow up, raising a child is never easy for anyone. If i were you, i would firstly stop worrying and relax and simply love your husband, the stress free state of mind will help you conceive. Having a baby might even make you happier than you can imagine. All the best xx
2007-08-23 08:34:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is right, it's NEVER the perfect time to have children.. So, why not just jump in ! If you are that worried about it NOW, you can start a savings of sorts and start cutting down on your personal spending and living like you have children.... Really it sounds dumb but, it works... If you and your husband go to dinner/movies both. Maybe cut back and only see a movie once a week or rent a movie and order take out... Save the money in a bank account... That way you feel a bit more secure... However, if you do decide to have children you will probably cut back on many things that you used to do and not even realize it.. Having a child is a big personal sacrifice but, it's worth it...When I was a single gal. I used to get my haircut every 6 weeks and my nails done.. I've let that go and I'm ok, maybe a bit ragged from time to time but, ok... I also used to enjoy my weekend bar outing with my husband and now I enjoy playing and being with my children.. I don't miss the bar scene all that much... Good luck..
2007-08-23 08:21:35 · answer #5 · answered by pebblespro 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The fears of never having enough money for your children will never go away. My husband and I make a very modest living and we have 2 boys together and I also have 11 yrear old boy from a previous marriage.
But, you know what? We always get by. There is always food on the table, nice clothes for them to wear, a nice roof over their head and all of the love in the world.
Sure we make sacrifices. We do not go out as a couple as often as we should, but we would rather be with our babies anyway. Our Christmas tree is not piled to the ceiling with gifts, I now shop at thrift stores instead of the trendy and pricey stores (I have found there is much satisfaction in finding a great buy), I never grocery shop w/o checking the sale paper against my coupons. You get the idea.
It always works out !!! We have had to swallow our pride a couple of times and borrow a little money from my husbands brother when there has been unexpected expenses arise, but I would consider myself of the privelaged few if we did not occasionly have some money troubles.
I am lucky to have been blessed with the family that I have and if I were not 35 I would to try one more time for a little girl. My youngest boy would have been named Grace if it would not have caused him to have life long emotional issues and been beat up at school every day.
If you are in a happy stable relationship with your husband and it sounds like you are then keep on trying and when you hold that little bundle of joy for the first time you will completely forget you second guessed yourself over money.
Any responsible parent will worry about these things, but as a responsible parent you will always find a way to make it work out. Maybe with a little help from above also.
Good luck to you and yours.
2007-08-23 10:22:36 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
ask yourself some questions!
do you have any savings in your account?can you save some before the baby comes?
are you planning on working after the baby comes?
how much a baby will cost per month?
what things do I really need?
is it the money or am I really just scared?
how old am I , how much time do I have?
will waiting a year change anything?
are you renting or own your own home?
will I be able to get some baby things second hand?
also keep in mind people will be giving you all sorts or things once they find out you are expecting!your friends will throw you a shower, your co-workers will throw you a shower, people you know will bring you things.
if you breast feed you will save money($100 or so a month)
if you use cloth diapers the initial cost will be more but you will save in the long run.
2007-08-23 08:36:15 · answer #7 · answered by Greeneyed 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure everyone worries at one time or another, but if you have health insurance, kids are really not THAT expensive. Sure you'll have to buy diapers and formula but it's not a killer cost, i'm not rich, i'm not poor i'm right in the middle but now we're pregnant wtih our second.. you'll love having a baby so much, money won't be a threat anymore.
2007-08-23 08:17:40 · answer #8 · answered by Mommy of two :) 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
your hubby is right your never going to have enough money it is a fact of life you can work your whole life and still not have enought money .. if you want a baby go for it honest are you ever going to be financially ready for a baby just do it stop all the worrying it is not going to make money for you just to let you know kids don't cost alot it what the parents buy them that cost alot
2007-08-23 08:30:45 · answer #9 · answered by ricky 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think everyone goes through that when thinking about kids. It's a big life changing decision and we all worry about if we will be ready for it or not. I'm sure you'll do just fine. Good Luck
2007-08-23 08:22:02 · answer #10 · answered by Anyone 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋