I found out my partner played around behind my back 6 months ago. Well since then we've started seeing each other again & he states he is truley sorry & wants us to be together again. Well i'm wanting to leave my options open & not commit to anything just yet because i'm not sure what i want. I'm chatting to other guys on the internet but haven't had any other contact with men. My ex knows all of this as i've been 100% honest about it all. Thing is i'm just wondering if anybody feels i'm doing the wrong thing?? I just don't want to rush back into a relationship with a man i'm not sure i can trust. Any feedback is welcome. for the record, we were in a very long relationship & have 2 young children together.
2007-08-23 00:16:47 · 16 answers · asked by Mishell 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You are doing it correctly. Take it slow
2007-08-23 00:20:34 · answer #1 · answered by John S 2 · 3⤊ 2⤋
All of this was good right up until the last sentaence, " have 2 young children together".
Now I understand that you are not married in a legal sense thus the "partner" thing but you seem to have done everything else but walk the aisle.
Infidelity is perhaps the most destructive thing to affect a marriage. It hurts it ruins the relationship but it happens.
To be separated may have been necessary to let you both figure out what you think. BUT and there is the but, if there is a chance that you will be back together at some point it is up to you to cut out the chat and all the other diversions where men are concerned, just as he must with other women.
You two have a responcibility to your children to provide a family unit. Often parents cannot maintain that responsibility but that is their failing. The fact that you had children and played house without being married in the first place indicates that both of you were unable to commit and never did agree to stay together through thick and thin. Yet you had children anyway. Shame on you for that.
Trust is earned and built not just bequeathed. You will never trust him or any guy for that matter until you get this situation worked out.
My suggestion is to get him back in the house and work on your marriage. He has apologized and asked for forgiveness right? It is possible that the error of his ways has been seen and he now realizes what he has to lose. Have you had that same realization. Apparently not or you would not be keeping options open.
We are back to that commitment thing again. Do you have any?
You owe it to the kids to try.
This issue is not about rushing into a relationship. It is about rushing to get out of a relationship because neither of you had the full commitment of marriage in the first place. It baffles me that people who will not get married are so broken up when one of them violates one of the rules of marriage.
You do not get this both ways. Either get back together or cut it off but there are two people who have the right to have a family. You gave it to them by having them. You and your partner are tied together forever through the children. There can be no breaking that realtionship no matter what he does.
The time has come for you to get him back in the fold and find out if you can or cannot be together. Six months should be long enough to make anyone wait on that decision. If you were committed enough to have the children at least have the decency to make sure that the family unit cannot work before breaking it up.
So it is time for you to cut the crap and do the right thing by them because you really seem lost in whats right for you.
2007-08-23 07:52:36 · answer #2 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
As long as you are being 100% honest with each other - you and he are the only ones who can decide if it's wrong for you as a couple or you as individuals. I personnally think that you are doing just fine - you're not committing to anyone - but you are giving him the chance to prove that he is going to be trustworthy and reliable and you're being honest with him about your activities and intentions. My guess is that he didn't come right out and tell you that he was fooling around on you, so at least you are being the better person in that aspect. If it works out between the two of you, great, but if it doesn't, you won't have wasted all this time focusing on just him and then have to restart again when you break up.
2007-08-23 07:37:35 · answer #3 · answered by JVar 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
This is dark territory for anyone. It is not right to stay together for the children and have an open relationship, they see this and will grow up thinking behavior like this is alright. Nine times out of ten if he is the type to play, he will again if the situation presents itself. You need to ask yourself if it is something that you can handle again or if you can truly trust him again. That nagging thought will always be there when he calls in that he is running late at work or fishing with the guys.
2007-08-23 07:24:32 · answer #4 · answered by jeep 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You shouldn't feel guilty he is the one that was unfaithful and even though he did it you haven't taken action or rebounded. I don't blame you for leaving your options open since the trust you had in him is gone and it is going to be hard to get back. You just need time to see what it is you truly want. Don't rush back into the relationship take your time. Wish you luck whether it is with him or another.
2007-08-23 07:26:44 · answer #5 · answered by MZ. Latina 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think only you know if you should rush back into a relationship with a man that played around on you. It sounds to me like you have basically made up your mind to play the field so to speak...nothing wrong with leaving your options open and you have been honest with him. I understand that you have 2 children together and that can put a different spin on things. You need to ask yourself if you are better off with him or better off without him and do accordingly.
2007-08-23 07:23:42 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
You're doing the right thing by not rushing back in to a relationship with him but still being honest with him. But please, and I know you're not doing this yet, don't throw yourself in to other guys arms simply because you're lonely okay? Just a warning cause guys on the net can sometimes be creepy. Oh and ask your children what they want, I don't know how old they are but even if they're young you still owe them enough to respect their opinion in this matter. Good luck
2007-08-23 07:35:05 · answer #7 · answered by JK Sy 3 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Since you are not married, I think I would get out of this relationship. He has been unfaithful with you and you know you cant trust him---and you are thinking of finding another---you have two young children and I dont know what legal courses you may take concerning support from their father.
But, you need to think of a future that may not involve your present guy. A future with him sounds doubtful.
2007-08-23 07:31:43 · answer #8 · answered by skyward 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
If you can find it in your heart to truly trust the man again then go right ahead and take him back.
Once trust has died it is a long road to travel to build it back.
Ask yourself one thing, does he make me happy, really happy?
2007-08-23 07:26:10 · answer #9 · answered by audaciousfelon 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You are right . Keeping relationship is not easy but the choice.
STAY and dont fall prey.
2007-08-25 02:30:08 · answer #10 · answered by preksheena 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i advise you sit down and talk to him about it if he says he is commited to the realation ship than just learn to trust him for the kids sake how old are your kids and how long have you been together for.
2007-08-23 07:22:45 · answer #11 · answered by sexy garl 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋