i want to get closure . deal with it and move on with my life. all his doing now is wasting my life away. making me believe that our marriage is a joke by his actions. cant talk to him cuz then im starting with my issues. how do you talk to sumone sort sumthing out when you cant even talk about it. please guys i realy need help. i love my husband very much and i want our marriage to work. i will do anything!!!!!!!!
2007-08-21 23:35:06 · 20 answers · asked by musicslave 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you cannot prove it, he is not cheating. You are just overly suspicious. You need therapy.
2007-08-21 23:38:47 · answer #1 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
First thing I can say is that you need to get past the "I will do anything" feeling. A failing marriage is just that. There are things you can consider, though, and efforts you can make to try and get support, help and if all else fails proof to proceed with getting away from it.
If you are sure of what your husband is doing then confront him. If you have only suspicions then you should be careful how you approach it. If he is unwilling to talk you have a few options. You can look for local support groups, talk to a pastor, priest, whatever faith you follow, if you are a spiritual person and of course prayer that goes along with it. You can find a marriage counselor to go to also, but remember even if the husband doesn't agree you can still go yourself. It's not the best but even one sided counseling can be beneficial.
If none of this helps you should proceed to try to confirm your suspicions. There are lots of ways to find out if someone is cheating, but simple and fairly fast/effective is to hire a private detective. It can be costly, but if you get a decent one it will pay off.
With all those options exhausted or not to your liking, I can only recommend you make an effort to leave the marriage. You sound like you are very unhappy and even if you love your husband it doesn't sound like you trust him, perhaps with good reason. It will take a lot of work to restore a marriage from this point and it can be worth it if you both want that. Just remember that you can't fix it yourself and sometimes when "I will do anything" comes in to play it just makes it worse.
I hope all works out for the best for you.
2007-08-22 06:51:49 · answer #2 · answered by Joe M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are 100% certain he is cheating, and you cannot live with that, then the only thing you are doing by not leaving is wasting your own life.
Expecting him to confess and beg your forgiveness is a pointless endeavour. He will not change. In 6 months, a year or so he will simply find a new mistress.
If you cannot live with his adultery, then leave. Walk away and make a new life for yourself. Your love for him is obviously not being returned in full measure.
If you are not 100% sure he is cheating, then either drop the issue, or hire a private investigator to get you the proof you need.
Either way, you should put some serious consideration into your own TRUST ISSUES. Are you externalising and/or projecting your own anxieties/desires onto your husband?
2007-08-22 06:47:47 · answer #3 · answered by Aleksandr M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's sad to say, but he doesn't love you and what the hell could you possibly love about him? Maybe you love what you wish he could be, but that's not what he is. You can't be married to some idiot that won't talk to you and that you're sure is cheating! That is not marriage and that is certainly not LOVE.
You married the wrong person and the only way you're going to put a fire under his a s s, is to file for divorce. You cannot do anything to make your marriage work if he is the one that ruining it. Marriage can only work if the two of you want to make it work. It can't work if you're doing this by yourself!
Get some self respect, pride and dignity here. Threaten that you have decided that he will no longer play you for a fool and you want a divorce. His reaction will tell all. Good Luck
2007-08-22 06:48:56 · answer #4 · answered by Very Honest 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your going to have to talk to him. If you start it out like you started this question I think he would fess up. Typically we (males) don't fess up because we either don't want to quit or more than likely, he would be afraid it would put the relationship at risk. Then again, you probably don't really want that closure. You may just tell him, you have a very strong feeling about his being unfaithfull. Tell him you forgive him for it if it did happen and that you want him to promise you that from this day on he is yours and yours alone. Tell him you apologize if you are wrong about it, but you need him to promise you this so you can feel secure in your marriage. That should at least make him feel at ease to further the conversation if you both choose to do so. Hope it helps.
2007-08-22 06:50:21 · answer #5 · answered by Jeff C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My wife has accused me of cheating many times over the years. She calls me cowardly for not confessing. She claims to have all manner of proof - caught me in a lie about where I was, I smelled funny, I had scratches on my back etc. etc.
Only thing is - I NEVER CHEATED!!! EVER!!!
I have even considered "confessing" falsely just to get her to stop!
The last time this happened was about a year ago. It was triggered by a big blow up with our son's wife. So I figure it has something to do with stress.
It's been a while now and things seem to be very good so I'm hoping it's over with.
Please look at your own situation. Does this sound similar?
2007-08-22 10:19:46 · answer #6 · answered by Bruce M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you may have answered your own question, your marriage is a joke by his actions. If he wont even talk about it with you, I think that tells you right there he is not remorse-full... In saying that though you should make sure you are 100% sure he is cheating on you before you accuse him. If you love him and want to stay with him, you may have to live with the fact he will cheat on you constantly... Are you prepared for that??
2007-08-22 06:43:54 · answer #7 · answered by sandji 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you know he is cheating then you already have enough proof. If you want your marriage to work you need to figure out how to communicate. Communication is the key to a happy marriage. You say you cant talk to him because you are starting with your issues. Lady the issue is he is screwing around of course you have issues with it. Sit him down and tell him that you know he is screwing around and that it is to stop immediately or he is to move out immediately. Stand up for yourself and your marriage.
2007-08-22 06:45:14 · answer #8 · answered by D and G Gifts Etc 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i mean no insult.
if you KNOW he is cheating, you don't need to make him confess to get closure.
You just need to decide how you want to lead your life from now on and go do it.
If you are waiting till he admits this ( even if you make him admit it) he is controlling your actions, your thoughts, your future.
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If you want to try to make the marriage work , sign up for a marriage counselor. If he will not join you there, it pretty much tells you the value he places on the marriage, or on you pain and confusion.
2007-08-22 06:39:48 · answer #9 · answered by nickipettis 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well that's a hard thing to do. Have you simply told him how you feel? Tell him that this is honestly killing you, that you love him so much and that you need to know what he has been doing. If he doesn't come clean maybe he isn't doing anything or maybe he will never tell you about it. I'm sorry you're going through this I hope you can work it out. Good luck.
2007-08-22 06:39:25 · answer #10 · answered by Jenniferann88 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Dont be confused land up at some conclusion. If you love your husband very much then just trust him and carry a head with your marriage. But if you dont trust him then what ever he will do for you, u will always be unhappy with him.
2007-08-22 06:41:15 · answer #11 · answered by deepa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋