My boyfriend and I have been dating for over 3 years. Our relationship is great, we have never had a fight, we have been living together for 2 years. I feel as if it is time to get married, however he is terrified!! He saw his mom go through several marriages and divorces and he says he doesnt want to get married. I don't know how to make him more comfortable about the situation. I don't really bring it up often, but he is 25 years old and I think he is a bit old to be scared of commitment. What should I do?
2007-08-21 17:39:07 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Give him a time limit. Tell him that you will give him 6 months to think about it. Don't let him string you along for too long. After 12 years of putting it off, mine told me that he would never get married. I wasted the best 12 years of my life on a man that had no intention of committing, and move on almost immediately after we split. I had to start all over, and much older I might add!!!! Can't get those years back!!!
2007-08-21 17:45:45 · answer #1 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
1) Consider couples counseling. A skilled counselor can get to the heart of the insecurities.
2) Check the laws in your state... if you have been living together as a couple for 2 years, chances are you are already considered common-law married. Try dropping that bomb on him! In a lot of states, you would need a divorce just to get your financial records separated! Divorces are relatively cheap and easy if uncontested.
Common law marriage has all of the responsibilities as regular marriage and NONE of the protection. If you had a baby, he would still have to pay child support. If he got into a wreck and wound up a vegetable on life support, the common law wife usually does not have the authority to pull the plug. If he was in an industrial accident, the common law wife would not be able to collect the life insurance... AND you would get stuck with all of the bills anyway!
3) Don't sell yourself short. Give the guy a deadline and if he doesn't get off the pot, you really should move on. Quit trying to swim in the kiddie pool.
2007-08-21 17:57:39 · answer #2 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can totally understand why he would have a phobia of getting married after seeing what his mom has been through. At the same time he has to also realize this is HIS life and he is in control of it. Talk to him about it and ask him why he feels it wouldn't work out? Or what are his fears? Try to put him at ease about his worries. 3 years is enough time to know someone, or I think so anyway. Don't push him though, it could be his age and 25 is still kind of young. I'd say give it another year if you REALLY truly love him. If he hasn't gotten over it by then, he never will.
2007-08-21 17:46:30 · answer #3 · answered by glittereyedg 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Before I was married I was with my husband for a while and things was going great. As soon as we got married things changed. I remember people was telling me to not get married because the relationship changes. As for your boyfriend he has a right to have fear because he witnessed what his mother went through however, this should have thought him a lesson on how not to behave and be a better husband. Talk to him and tell him that it is good that he experienced what his mother went through because now you know that he will be a great husband because he will not follow those men foot steps he will be better. Good Luck, and I know that he will marry you..
2007-08-21 17:49:41 · answer #4 · answered by Vicky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get married to him on the instant it extremely is the prudence & choose of hour. while the two one among you enjoyed one yet another plenty deeply which you probably did no longer ideas having intercourse without risk-free practices even then you definately could desire to no longer hesitate marrying him regardless of your being pregnant too. in case you hesitate via thinking some thing else, it extremely is a few variety of guilt feeling i.e., you're starting to be much less ambitious now. Marriage has not extra helpful alternative from the point of view of your organic emotional, actual & psychological needs for which your age is of extreme significant. After marriage, the adulthood & understand-how of duty , the intensity of love , affection & possession will develop plenty extra which you will comprehend later. in case you do no longer choose for that sometime later you're able to be able to stand psychological subject which you won't be able to know now as your age is purely too small now. pass forward ambitious woman. Get married on the instant & be God fearing extra advantageous than what you at the instant are. God will shield each and every thing . determination of having premarital intercourse is seen to be the toughest one , the at you have already gone by using with braveness, the comparable of marriage is lighter one. don't be uncertain regarding the steadiness of your destiny married existence. you're able to coping with that properly. Marriage is plenty extra advantageous than a paper checklist. It has great sanctity. know that the comparable provides extreme admire interior the international & in God's court too. time-honored existence needs that badly.
2016-11-13 03:26:22 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is not afraid
he is smart and very rational
and at 25 he is far too young to get married
if anything you are putting pressure since you fear not getting married in your prime years ( 18 to 31 ), as after that you know your odds of marrying well go down dramatically
he of course knows the chance of getting divorce is 1 in 2 or 50% ( more if you marry younger )
so he is smart ( not scared) in not wanting to get married, if anything he should NEVER get married
there is no benefit for him
marriage only benefits women
2007-08-21 18:04:39 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
trisha listen to peggy!!!! it is true, if a guy is telling you in plain english he does not see himself married and if it is important to you, he is telling you he picks his fear over you. it is true. there is a book you can buy right now on amazon, called 'why men marry some women and not others'. it is by john malloy. get it fast and read every word. it actually tells you exactly how to approach a man about this very thing, with actual dialogue.
i had a friend from college who waited for her guy for almost 4 years, after making excuses for years as to why he couldnt marry her she gave him an ultimatim, and he dropped her cold. dont be her. she still says, ' i am a smart person and i didnt see that coming' you asked what do i do. you are lucky you can read this book and know !! what to do. my friend did not have that book to read in those days. it had not been written yet.
the living together gets them comfortable, you know that. by the way, for anyone reading this, and you too, the time to find out if you boyfriend wont ever get married is after about 6 months, too many girls are too shy to bring it up and then find out years later like you to their shock that they have been with someone who feels absolutely no commitment to them, sometimes after they are living with them and even having kids with them!! i hope it works out for ya. read that book.
2007-08-21 18:41:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yep I know I'm gonna get thumbs down for this but, maybe a good old ding dong drag 'em out arguement will help bring his fears of marriage out in the open. Then you both know where you stand.
2007-08-21 17:46:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is still young...and shouldn't rush into marriage with good reason...he saw his mother go through several marriages and doesn't want to do the same.
2007-08-21 17:47:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
To me , marriage is just a certificate more than what you are now. You hv been living together for 2 years, 'unless u planning for a family', otherwise...the cert will not add any value seriously...
Think about it.
2007-08-21 18:48:50 · answer #10 · answered by Rootbeer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋