is this grammatically correct?

Question

If you had seen my face at that point in time, you would have found the sight rather funny. All the color in my face drained. I muttered some incoherent reply and quickly left the classroom. Aside from that little misunderstanding, I thought most of the people seemed very nice at the highschool.

thank you! this is for a school report.

Answer 1

Looks fine to me, grammatically speaking.

I might spice it up and condense it a little though, depending on the context.

Answer 2

Hope this helps:
Had you seen my face at that point, you would have found the sight rather funny. The color on my face drained, I muttered some incoherent reply and quickly left the classroom. Aside from that little misunderstanding, I thought most of the people seemed very nice at school.

Answer 3

I'm going to tear this to shreds. You will thank me later.

Never introduce a paragraph by addressing the second person (you). Even if you are so casual as to speak in second person, you should do it after a topic sentence that will introduce the subject, and your flavor, speed, and tone.
If your paragraph is narrative, stick to a reporting tone. Because this paragraph is slightly comical, use a lot of words with imagery (words that the reader will visualize). This will make it funny. Without it, the reader won't feel it.

You have the right idea by starting with an action that is a little funny to grab the reader's attention. Focus on that - what about the face? The color drained? How is that funny? Make it a more colorful sentence. Use a few strong verbs to punctuate the embarrassment.

Make a statement about the reason behind the action of quickly leaving the room. Why did you do that? Did you have to use the restroom? Did you have another assignment in another room? The reader has no idea.

The last sentence is great - you are tying up the paragraph, that the first day was okay, except for one tiny misunderstanding. What happened? You need to supply more information or you leave the reader unsatisfied. That might be alright to end a chapter in a book, but for a paragraph that stands alone, leaves much to be said.

Your grammar and usage in the paragraph is acceptable. I would change the vocabulary and word placement to paint a different, more vibrant picture of what happens, to hopefully capture the same emotion in the reader.

We've all been there. We know what it's like to seethe under a smile and feel like our insides are melting from embarrassment. Bring that feeling back.

Good luck. Email me if you have any more questions.

Here's an example:
Although the temperature in the room must have not changed, the temperature inside her head must have raised to boiling. Did she just feel her boogers melting?
The color dissipated from her face like water from a drying sponge. A string of incoherence rambled from her tongue and her arms that dangled from her sides teetered to maintain equilibrium as her feet carried her to safety, away from the prying, giggling eyes of her peers -- the same eyes that she had so diligently tried to impress all day.

Answer 4

It's correct except for the last word: "highschool" should be two words. Otherwise, it's grammatically correct.

Answer 5

Seems all right to me, but yes, you could maybe condense it a little. As they say, Brevity is the soul of wit.

Answer 6

fix:i muttered an incomprehensive reply

i think, not i thought
and high school is 2 words

Answer 7

That sounds fine. You should write a book!

Answer 8

that entire thing reads weird to me