I had an affair. What is up with this man???

Question

I had an affair with a co-worker over a 3 year period. I really loved him deeply and I think he felt the same. We ended it 3 years ago when I got pregnant (with my husband's child). We've had little contact since. We work for the same employer but different buildings. We used to e-mail each other on birthdays but last year he e-mailed me a month before my birthday and told me we shouldn't do that anymore. I told him I agreed. He e-mailed me a long e-mail about a month ago talking about how he just has to say what's in his heart. How there is a part of him that wishes my little girl was our little girl. How he still wants to say those 3 little words at the end of e-mails. But he has always said that he loves his wife and is very happy in his marriage. He said it again in this last e-mail. How he thinks he's happier in his marriage then ever. What is this? I'm not a man, and am completely confused by his words He's always been so back and forth.

Answer 1

As hard as it is to hear, he likes, not loves you, he loves his wife more. It was nice having you on the side as long as it was safe. Instead of worrying about this guy, work on making things solid with your hubby.

Answer 2

You have both done something deplorable. You don't seem to have any remorse for it either. You should not have had ANY more contact with him...but since you did, the door for adultery is still open. If you love your husband, why do you even care what this other guy is thinking and if he loves his wife so much...why the contact with you? Maybe you should both ask your spouses for another perspective. Secrets have a way of coming out so expect further consequences. As you can tell I'm having trouble having any sympathy for your situation since you brought it on yourself...FOR 3 YEARS!!!
Also, you need to make sure the child is really your husbands...if not...he needs to know.

Answer 3

Your asking what is up with the man you had an affair with ?

Seriously what you should be asking yourself is "What is up with YOU?" , and have you DNA tested the little girl to prove she is your husbands? or did you just selfishly think no way she couldnt be the husbands baby? nobody is that nieve .

Get some self respect and respect your marriage and your family and change your email address plain and simple .Leave this man alone and dont go opening your old email address ever again.The man is a player simple.He needs an ego boost and your it , dont confuse it for love if you even know what that word means.

And would you people quit stealen my saying of the grass isnt greener on the other side lmao maybe I should have patented that oh wait no someone already did that lmao.

Answer 4

The guy is obviously in love with the both of you. Yes it is possible. Noone can tell themself who to love. I've tried. It just is or it isn't. All we can control is how we react to it. Bottom line though, all this can end with you. Whether he's telling you the truth or not. You have to make the decision on whether or not to end this thing. It's okay to be confused about what he wants. What do you want? If you love your husband and want to be with him, then you're gonna have to cut off all ties to this guy. No more e-mails at all. Not on birthdays, holidays or any other day. It's apparent that he doesn't know how to let you go. So you have to let him go.

Answer 5

It sounds like to me that the two of you were more than just a fling. It seems that both of you are truly in love. You are however both in the wrong about having an affair, but you can not fight what the heart says.
Although that being said, maybe he has had a change of heart, the affair and what not may have made him realize how wrong he has done his wife, and that has made him wake up and be a man. But if it is that you two are happy in your marriages then you need to stop contact with one another.
How would you feel if your husband was cheating on you. Would you care, or would you not.

Answer 6

Its really simple. He wants a girlfriend/lover and a wife. There is really nothing wrong with it on it's basic level. Whats wrong with wanting two people for different reasons? The problem is it creates an emotional seesaw when you have to sneak around each others spouses and families, and generally have to deal with each other even from a distance and via email.

That is just one of the fudamental problems with affairs, it's not that the basic motivation for them is bad, the need for love and even the need for someone else to fill those spaces that the other person in our lives does not. Monagamy is not for a lot of people even though we try very hard to make it fit us. There is only two ways to make this work commit to your marriage and monagamy and forsake all others and that included emails, lunches or whatever or someone change your situation to that of an open marriage. The latter I am guessing is probably not an option for you two.

Sorry that he is putting you through the seesaw.

Answer 7

My take of it is that he wanted to have sex with you once again, After that he would go running back to his wife. I question, just what kind of person do you want to be? Do you want to be a person who cheats on her husband with another woman's husband?Its time to clean up your act. He has let you know, in not so many words that you are around to stroke his ego a little bit and then he goes home to his wife ,,because I quote he loves her. Frankly if that's how he shows love to his wife then why would you want the slug. If he was a single man you would be dropped for someone else. Stop wasting your time.

Answer 8

First, are your sure it's not his baby? 100%. And does your husband know about this affair, or his wife? Maybe they should. And I bet that if you don't want them to find out, you should tell him not contact you anymore. You aren't being fair to the man you promised to "love honor and obey". I am sorry but cheating is a stupid thing to do. Just get divorced or stop talking to him. You can't do both.

Answer 9

I have been there and done that. Reality is he is in love with his wife, and has to much invested to just leave her. He pry loves u as well but its really not worth letting all he has go. I would guess he is very confused, but does feel something for u! But its healthy to just let him go, block his e-mails and then u never have to deal with emotions in the future. Good Luck

Answer 10

The guy stepped out on his so-called happy marriage.
He still is. Probably has tried to get another "side dish" and failed.
All of this gush is to keep you confused and on the line. He is jerking you around using every stupid emotional ploy he can think of.
Next time, don't settle for being "the other woman". Don't be anyone's "side dish". Don't jeopardize your own marriage and family. Be a good example for your daughter.

Answer 11

He's full of crap, hon, and wants to keep you as the jerk in reserve.... just in case things belly up at his house...... your agreement to end it was wise for everyone... you went where you never should have gone. him too... get over it, and put your energies where they belonged all along.... with your family, you husband and your children.... tell him to do the same.

Temptation is always everywhere.... evolution made us that way.... but feelings aren't always fair, nor nice to us, and in the end, if we all bed jumped, we would be giving in to our selfish yens and hurting so many others... Sometimes it is way harder to be good, than to be bad, and bad is betrayal in your marriage.... not a good thing any way you look at it....and something you will always have to live with. Betrayal: the dealbuster in a relationship.