How do i get my husband to talk to me?

Question

Im newly married and there is different topics I think are important to talk about to make a marriage work, and so your clear about what you need and expect from the other person. For instance if i have a problem, I think i should be able to come to him in a calm manner and tell him how i am feeling and what i need from him. When i do this he freaks out and says he doesnt want to talk about it.
Or if there is something i would like him to do for me, like buy me flowers or surprise me with a romantic weekend, he takes it as him not being good enough when im really just trying to give him an idea of something i would appreciate.
I know we should of talked about expactations before we got married, but we didnt. Now when i try to talk about it he goes back to the I dont want to talk about that stuff and wont even look at me. In fact whenever i try to talk to him about anything serious he never says anything back, he goes silent and wont look at me. So how can i get him to open up?

He used to be super sweet and always listened, then he joined the army and came back different. we didnt get to spend time between him joining and us getting married so i didnt know he would change or did change untill after we already said i do. Its not so serious i would divorce, i just need pointers on how to get through to guys, espec. military men!

Answer 1

Write him a letter. Sounds silly, but it works for me. I am really high strung so sometimes I am yelling and whining at my husband and I don't even realize it. And it makes him not want to talk to me, he says he would rather talk about it later. So when I am really stressed or I think there's something really important we need to discuss, I write it down. I don't beat around the bush either, no need to sugar coat. The shorter and more direct, there's a better chance he'll actually read it. Also, he gives him time to think about and read the letter when he wants to.

But don't demand a letter back, I have written several, but none returned! But he would come sit with me afterwards and actually talk, and even better.

Answer 2

Try a communications journal write down how your feeling and show it to him and tell him he can write his feelings down if he is uncomfortable talking but dont pressure him.

I'm seeing you being the 1 asking for romantic things , flowers , romantic weekend's away ? (how's your financial situation can you even afford that?) I'm not seeing that you've done anything how about you make him a nice romantic dinner for two and discuss his day ? run him a nice hot bath and put a bottle of wine (beer /spirits if he isnt into wine) and then give him a nice massage in return ? , you have to be a 2 way street on these issues you cant just expect things .

Think of ways you can do things for him you'd be surprised how he'll respond think / act / listen / learn.

Answer 3

It sounds to me like you're becoming a bit too demanding.
You married him for better or worse, richer or poorer....
So don't expect him to always have enough money or time
to buy you flowers and splurge for a romantic weekend.
He's probably doing all he can to keep up with paying the
bills to keep a roof over your heads and then some.
If you want flowers, go outside and pick some while it's still
summertime. Romantic weekend? - I hope you have a job
to help him pay for it. It's only fair since you're the one whose
asking for it.
He's the other person in your marriage so if you want him
to open up more, then constantly praise him for the things he
already does for you. Praise is the key to causing a husband
to want to do more for you - not constant pressure or nagging.

Answer 4

The pattern you're describing is quite common: Ignore a character flaw before the wedding and hope to 'fix' it in your partner during the marriage. It's not going to work. Every attempt you make to correct his behavior or even reveal your legitimate desires will be seen by him as an attack.

The only way to win is not to play. You should separate from him now which will either get him to own his problems and seek meaningful help or it will give you the breathing room you need to see this for what it is before you start bringing innocent kids into this sad relationship.

Answer 5

Honey, you should not tell a man what you need EXACTLY. It makes them feel less than a "man" like they are not good enough. You have to "sneak in the back door" lead him to the answer. That way he thinks he came up with it on his own. It is all apart of "the training" I know it sounds ridiculous, but my mom told it to me and it is very effective. I tell my friends my problems, all the emotional stuff. Men hate it any way. I keep only the serious stuff to him. I know that you think your feelings are serious, but emotions drive men crazy. All they hear are facts, no feelings. Plant seeds with him, clues. He will come to the conclusion you want. It is all in technique. Make him think he came up with it, not you. Do to him what you want done to you. Men hate the constant whining about, I want you or I wish you would. The minute you talk about all that, you shut him down. Read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, Sounds goofy, really helps! Good Luck and stick to "sneaking in the back door"

Answer 6

If you are describing him accurately and not down-playing the way that you approach him...........then I think you have a serious problem.
Some of the ways in which he is avoiding communication sounds very controlling.. sort of abusive.
You may consider talking to a counselor and laying out your perception and trying to get some feedback from an objective professional that knows a lot more about the situation than we possibly could from a few paragraphs.
Good Luck

Answer 7

That's a good question, you seem to be going about it the right way... I would wonder if he's feeling insecure for some reason.... like maybe he feels he's not good enough or can't do things right.... and if that's the case, it's something he needs help with and you wont be able to work on communication until he works on himself.

Answer 8

Well if your like me trying to talk to him wont never work!...The more i try the more i get burned...the worse it seems to make it i get the same words i dont want to talk about it and the looking down not looking at me and the silent treatment...Its hard to deal with trust me but after awhile you just learn to face the fact that he doesnt want to talk and isnt going to and you live with it or u make plans to get out..Ive been trying for almost 3 yrs and nothing...Hopefully for you things get better...Good luck!

Answer 9

rule # 1 what you see is what you get ...rule #2 you wont change him..rule #3 if your not happy now it will get worse.and lastly tell him this is killin you and if it dont change you are gonna leave newly married or not you 2 should be so happy and in love right now and you sound like your not..but just remember men are hunters he hunted you and got you now the thrill or the hunt is over that is all men...good luck

Answer 10

Um this doesn't sound good to me at all you need to be married to someone who wants to know what you want and don't want. I'm sorry to say if you stay with him you are going to be very unhappy if you can get out do so.