i cannot state or express ANY anger at all in my marriage because there is only room for one person to ever be angry in this household--HIM. i told him 3 nights ago that i had anger building inside of me because i have recently discovered after 5 years of marriage all the lies he has told me...complete fabrications of events, portrayed himself as a war hero, lied about scars on his body, stating that they were from war injuries, many other lies, lies, lies. nothing about himself has turned out to be true...anyway, i generally told him i had anger toward him (didn't yell, don't ever cuss at him or accuse) just stated the facts...next day, he ripped me to shreds verbally, attacking me on every level, from motherhood to who knows what all! it was very traumatic. i can't take much more. he takes meds for bipolar disorder. he's 63, we sleep in separate rooms, he doesn't want affection or sex, and i'm basically fed up. is there ANY hope for this situation from a medical standpoint?
2007-08-21 16:41:31 · 15 answers · asked by diamond heart 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You need to run and never look back.
2007-08-21 16:48:14 · answer #1 · answered by Megan 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but I know plenty of people who are bipolar and in relationships; the medication keeps the cycles in control, but the BEHAVIOR is resolved through therapy and counseling. Having one does not give the person a free pass when it comes to treatment of other people.
There are support groups for those whose loved ones are bipolar, and there is counseling for those who are being emotionally and verbally abused...and you are being abused even if he never hits you, even if he has to deal with a mental illness. He may not be able to control how he reacts during his cycles up or down, but he sure can apologize once it's over and get couples' counseling once he's settled down. It is what happens during the off-cycles that determines the success of marriages; after all, even the most "sane" can become depressed at any time.
Good luck, whatever you decide.
PS
I also want to mention that many of the anti-psychotics and anti-depressants affect sexual activity, which make men take on added insecurities.
2007-08-22 07:07:50 · answer #2 · answered by Buttercup 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"complete fabrications of events, portrayed himself as a war hero, lied about scars on his body, stating that they were from war injuries, many other lies, lies, lies. nothing about himself has turned out to be true..."
This sounds to me like he has a serious mental illness. You cannot change him, I knew a guy who was married to a mentally ill bi-polar person. She was super controllling and would fly off the handle at any give moment.
One day, he came home to see that she had thrown all their furnishings ifrom the entire house into a dumpster because she thought she won the lottery (she was delusional).
He eventually divorced her because it was too much for him to handle her erratic behavior, and now has custody of their child.
If your husband cannot admit there is a real problem and does not continue to get adequate help and continue to monitor himself it will not get better.
You need to speak with a doctor who is not only giving meds, but counseling. Meds alone never solves the problem. He may have other mental illnesses as well, perhaps even a touch of schizophrenia which delusions of grandeur are one of the symptoms.
Good luck to you.
Schizoprenics usually have Delusions. Delusions are false personal beliefs that are not part of the person's culture and do not change, even when other people present proof that the beliefs are not true or logical. People with schizophrenia can have delusions that are quite bizarre, such as believing that neighbors can control their behavior with magnetic waves, people on television are directing special messages to them, or radio stations are broadcasting their thoughts aloud to others. They may also have delusions of grandeur and think they are famous historical figures.
People with paranoid schizophrenia can believe that others are deliberately cheating, harassing, poisoning, spying upon, or plotting against them or the people they care about. These beliefs are called delusions of persecution
2007-08-22 00:01:49 · answer #3 · answered by mrschrisc 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband when lying to you believes his own lies and you calling him out on the lies just infuriated him to the point where he lost it. Your marriage is over what do you have to build on,you don't have love sex romantic talks or walks together. Whats left for you besides the memories,if you have any love for your husband at all you need to get away just the 2 of you where you could sit drink and have a night to remember.
2007-08-22 00:13:24 · answer #4 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well you have to make sure he is in fact taking his meds i know all about the bi polar husband and should i say x husband now....no sex no affection just excuses and lies do you really want to walk on egg shells the rest of your life sweetie...you deserve better i swear you do and you need to start telling yourself that you do .what about your emotions or needs does he even care how you feel stop lettin his moods controll you.he might need to get his meds changed as well send him to the dr. again but at this point it sounds like its more than that you should get out while you still have a life to live..whens the last time he said you were beautiful or ran his hand across your face looking at you with love caressing you.you need that and you know you do so go find someone who loves you back....good luck hun
2007-08-21 23:55:18 · answer #5 · answered by dragonfly 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your husband has an illness. Which one? I have no clue, but he's a compulsive liar, and as you said bi-polar. If he's not on any medication I'd suggest you ask that he look into it. My ex husband has a girlfriend who is bipolar and he'd told me about past situations where she'd totally freak out and get physically abusive with him. If your husband won't submit to medication or counseling, sadly I'd say give up on hope. Don't waste the rest of your life being miserable, as you know life is short as it is.
2007-08-21 23:57:11 · answer #6 · answered by glittereyedg 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no way that we can know how much is his bi-polar (and med change may help) and how much is his personality. I lived with a bi-polar for years and he had difficulty trusting drs. or communicating with them. I tried everything.. and when I finally left that relationship... I felt like I was even crazier than him.... it was so difficult for me.
I suggest trying to find a support system for families of mentally ill persons. I can't remember the name of the group, but they really help me... Even deciding when it was time for me to give up and move on.
ps. the mania of bi-polar can cause delusions and grandiosity which could lead to lying.
2007-08-21 23:50:26 · answer #7 · answered by Bentley 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
RUN, RUN, RUN just as fast as your leg's will carry you! My l;ate husband was also bipolar and lied about many many things including being in the Navy, which he never was. I was lied to for 5 year's, he was abusive mentally to my son's and I, he could not keep a job, he was a drunk. Finally he ended it all, he committed suicide.
2007-08-21 23:59:12 · answer #8 · answered by maryannmccarthy2003 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously his meds aren't working and I can guess that he isn't in therapy. Once someone is Bi-polar it is for life...this isn't going to go away.
If you can't put up with his behavior then you need to leave, because it isn't going to get any better.
2007-08-21 23:51:09 · answer #9 · answered by Poppet 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He needs to go back to the doctor for a med. review.
2007-08-21 23:48:36 · answer #10 · answered by puffsmimi 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Good luck and I hate to word it this way but find a better hubby!
2007-08-21 23:57:11 · answer #11 · answered by Heather J 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋