Mental Abuse??

Question

My husband has made wild accusations of me in the recent past, as well as threats of violence, but when I talk to him about them, he says it never happened and I must be nuts or that it was me who did that and not him, so I must have a mental problem (which I do not, and I have not imagined anything. I am entirely sane, I assure you). In my current situation, he got authorities involved with insane claims of things I never did. When I talked to him without the authorities around, he told me I imagined everything. Has anyone ever experienced this? Is that technically mental abuse? How can I prove my innocence and/or prove I'm being mentally abused if it's all just my word against his with no proof? I really need help with this...it's urgent at the moment.

I have already left the house, but don't know where to go from here, as I've left with my infant and he is telling me to bring her back right now. That's another question I posted tonight.

Answer 1

Yes that is a form of mental abuse and it might just be something more serious. Maybe your husband is trying to convince others that you are the insane one.
Buy a voice activated recorder and the next time you two talk it will record what is being said.

Answer 2

Your husband sounds mentally unstable. You NEED to get out of this relationship, the house, TONIGHT.

You could die if you don't.

I have seen mentally and physically abusive men in action. The only safest place is AWAY from them.

YES, what your husband has done, is doing, is mental cruelty. There are a few steps you must take, for your own safety:

1. Get out. Now. Get a hotel room, or go to a friend's house, and tell whoever is there to not allow your husband in to your space.

2. NEVER SPEAK TO HIM ALONE. Always make sure you have at least one reliable person with you when you talk to him. Carry a personal tape recorder as well. The more you can document of his wild accusations, the better. HINT: if the police were actually contacted by him, especially if they made a visit to your house, THE POLICE WILL HAVE MADE A RECORD OF IT.

3. LET THE PEOPLE CLOSE TO YOU know you have a problem. Talk to your physician, your priest/clergy, mom, sister, friends, neighbors, lulas, etc.

4. Contact a lawyer. You may have to consider at least a legal separation, if not a divorce, to protect yourself physically.

5. STAND UP FOR YOURSELF. You are a human being, and deserve to be treated with respect.

Be prepared to dial "911", and say "I need to report a domestic at _______________________________". The police know what that means, and will come prepared for action.

Answer 3

I think that you need to get away from this man as soon as possible. Something most definitely doesn't seem right and things could possibly get worse/become violent. If he is accusing you of doing things that you never did and then calling the police on you and then saying that the whole thing never happened - he is either very mentally unstable and needs help himself or he is setting you up for something bad to happen - possibly even trying to drive you nuts. Whatever the problem is it's something that you need to remove yourself from ASAP. Go somewhere safe, think about what's been going on, see if you can come to any conclusions as to why he's behaving in such a manner and possibly see if you can get some sort of help for him if you believe he may be having mental issues himself. If you have nowhere to go please call your local women's shelter - your story will not be unusual to them I promise you. But it seems it would be in your best interest to remove yourself from this situation before it worsens. Please be safe and good luck.

EDIT: You've already made a step in the right direction by leaving - DO NOT GO BACK. No matter what threats he may make or what he may say - now is not the right time to go back. No matter how redemptive he may seem and no matter what he says - as most men will say anything to have a woman back in their control - do not return to the place where he is. Stay where you are if you are safe - and make sure that if you are staying with someone that they are aware of what's going on and know not to let him in your space. Look through your local yellow pages/directory and find your local women's shelter and please, please call them in the morning and tell them exactly what you've explained here. They should be able to direct you as to what steps you should take from here - but please, under no circumstances should you go back to where he is at this point in time.

Answer 4

Hi,

Yes, this is psychological abuse.

Please contact a behavior or mental health agency or a woman's shelter. I'm not suggesting that you leave him and stay at a shelter, but they can help you find someone who can help you. A qualified therapist will be able to Help you prove reality as it is although, as you wrote, it is your word against his. Truth does come out.

You may want to do a google search for bully on line. Excellent web site about psychological abuse and the offenders.

There is an old movie, "Gaslight." The husband tries to convince the wife she has psychiatric disorders. Recently, mental health professionals are using the term in this type of situation.

I believe is in finding support and help and you will have the proof you need.

Answer 5

Set up a camera in your home when he isnt aware of it. You can find tiny cameras that will fit anywhere. I would also ask if anyone else has witnessed this kind of activity. Talk to neighbors and co-workers. My sister has mental problems and they used the cameras to show her that she was acting strangly. After seeing herself talking to people that werent there she checked her self into a mental instutition. That way you can prove it isnt you. I believe it is a type of mental and verbal abuse. It may also be a way to control you. Nobody would want to be with someone that isnt stable so he makes you look like you arent stable. And he is also humiltating you publicly, that is another control issue and it also proves abuse. If I were you i would get as far from him as possible. Good Luck

Answer 6

Yikes. First of all, you know that you need to leave this relationship, right? I am all for trying to work things out when times get tough, but he's abusive and scary... you have to leave.

I don't know what you can do unless you record him during the original fight, and then the aftermath. But since it is without his permission, it won't hold up in court, so I don't know how that will help you. Seems to me that if it comes down to it, a quick metal evaluation would solve everything. Can't tell me he'd pass that. He's crazy.

Good luck, dearie. Stay safe...

Answer 7

Marriage counseling. It sounds like your relationship could use a healthy dose of it.

If he's not willing to cooperate/go through with it, I would suggest talking to psychiatrist yourself. He/she may be able to give you some advise as to how to get your husband to open up and talk to you about why he is doing/saying these things.

If that doesn't work, it's probably time to evaluate if your marriage is truly working the way a healthy marriage should. That, however, is just an opinion.

Answer 8

To me psychological abuse is worse than actual abuse.With actual abuse yours harm's are healed in a quick quantity of time,yet regrettably with psychological abuse your harm's can some years to heal.

Answer 9

You need to talk with
* the authorities
* your doctor
* religious counselor

get their advice. You may need to retain a laywer.

One of the reasons I left the employment of a good job was I had a guy who accused me of sabotage, accused me of making up conversations

He was the Treasurer of the company & I was writing software modifications for accounting reports.

Every other day he would call me into his office to show me some report that was "messed up". I would confer with him to figure out what needed to be "fixed" (changed).

It had to do with what values were to be displayed on the report, and the math between them.

On several occasions I asked ... didn't he want another report like this one with different logic ... no this report is messed up & needs to be fixed.

Over time, I identified 5 different versions of what he wanted, one of them being the original way the program worked.

I created a "switch setting" in the front of the program

"Today we shall do Mike logic system # 5"
I used a data element field value for which system we are using today this run of the program.
That way each time he had his tirade, I would change the program from system whatever to the one that did what he was saying this time.

Any time I tried to ask him about the other versions he had asked for, he accused me of making up conversations.

I went to my boss & tried to have him see what was going on, I went so far as to aks that we start having software changes approved in writing in which it was stated what we supposed to be doing, but my boss gave me a lecture on wasting time ... you know what Mike wants, go do it.

It was my word against Mike, and Mike was a higher up manager in the company hierarchy than me.

I figured my job security was going down the toilet because of what Mike was saying, so I looked for and got another job.

They had to hire three people to do my job.

They also complained about Mike.

The company ended up having to go to an outside consultant to get accounting software replaced. They also complained about Mike.

I found out about this because I had a few friends still at the company who kept me up to date on gossip.

A year later, Mike was gone, and now there were 2 people doing my old job.

Answer 10

It is mental abuse and he seems to be setting you up to declare you insane, You need to talk to a person who hasn't been involved in this before. Get out of the situation before he trys something else and you wind up getting physically hurt by him. or worse.