Will I go to hell for this?

Question

I'm falling in love with someone else at work who is married with two small children. I'm married with no children. After 5 years together, and more and more each day I'm starting to feel like my husband and I have nothing in common. I often feel like the man and woman in the house, raising a kid. I do almost everything that it really irritates me sometimes. I tell my husband this, but he has not really improved.

Now, I meet someone who is just as ambitious as me and seems to have what I've been looking for. He definitely seems interested in me as well. Actually, it was him that first started.

If I break my marriage and his marriage because I've fallen in love, is that wrong? Isn't it more wrong to stay with someone I'm not truly in love with? I just hate the thought of divorced parents and their kids.

Thank you everyone for your great advice. You're right! It's so selfish of me. I always wanted to quit my job, so maybe this is the time!!!

Answer 1

Who told you that when you get married the chores will be split down the middle 50/50. It doesn't work that way sure there are guys out there that will help with everything that has to be done in and around the house but the mass majority does about 10% if your lucky. I hope you don't think this man will leave his wife for you,if by chance he does mark my word he will RUN back to his wife when he comes to his senses meaning when he has had enough sex from you. Sure your husband isn't what you thought he was because you are comparing this other man with someone you have seen at his worse and who farts in front of you,all the little things you once loved now you can't stand. Do you think what your going through is special not at all,you will be so sorry for hurting your husband you can try to justify it all you want but the bottom line is you want this man because it's something new just like your husband use to be,how long did it take to get tired of him.Go right a head and be a home wrecker and brake that family up and see how long this guy will respect you for doing that to him.

Answer 2

I don't think the question is really whether or not you'll go to hell - the attraction to your co-worker is a symptom of a bigger problem. You need to determine if you want to be married or not - is your marriage worth fighting for. It's easy to fall in love with someone that you are just getting to know (that's why they call it the honeymoon phase), it's a lot harder to stay in love with your spouse. This new person doesn't carry any of the baggage that you have with your spouse. You don't go home with him and have to deal with bills, household chores, etc. You really can't tell if the grass is greener until you've mowed in his wife's yard.

If you think your marriage is worth saving, try counseling, a trip together to rekindle the romance, etc. No one ever said marriage was easy - it's just a matter of determining if it's worth saving.

Since you don't have kids, at least you don't have worry about how it would impact them. Please do not take that to mean that I think that divorce without kids is any less traumatic for the parties involved. It's just one less thing that you would have to deal with.

Regarding your married co-worker, he does have kids and he made the first move. Let him work out his own issues. If he's willing to cheat on his wife with you, what makes you think (if you were to get together down the road) that he wouldn't do that to you? You hate the idea of divorced parents with kids but that's what he would be. A relationship with him at this point could be disastrous not only for him but for your peace of mind as well. Would you be comfortable being the "other woman"?

I am not telling you to stay in a loveless marriage - I have been there. My ex and I are both happier now that we are divorced. However, I can go to sleep at night knowing that I did everything I could to try and save the marriage but in the end it takes two to make it work and two to make it fail.

Answer 3

You shouldn't leave your husband for a man that seems nice . Even if he does seem nice think back to why you married your husband and be sure its for the right reasons and if your husband is neglecting you or something all you have to do is talk to him about it . Don't let your marriage end with out putting up a fight ,remember there are people who can only pray they get married you're lucky enough to actually have been married. Count your blessings don't try seeking something more especially not while your kids are still children that'll set a bad example buut if you simply must wait till your kids are 18 to get a divorice that way they won't think its their fault.Trust me feeling of temptation are strong but that's all it is just don't give in to it or else it'll be alot worse then again I can't tell you how to live your life do what you see fit.

Answer 4

OK, that's a tough situation. I think it could all end in a very bad way. If you and your husband aren't happy that is one issue and you guys need to deal with it. If that means getting a divorce then maybe that's the right thing for you, but when you got married you made promises to each other and to always try so you at least owe him that in my opinion and the same goes for the other guy. Now there are also children involved and they should be taken into consideration before ANYTHING else, even your emotions, that's what I think. I think if you do decide to leave your husband it shouldn't be like Monday file for divorce, Wednesday with new guy. I don't think its wrong that you fell in love with him, you probably cant help that, but I just can see a lot of big things going wrong if you and him act on this...

good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Answer 5

Sometimes, meeting someone you work with who lights your spark, isn't necessarily a BAD thing...it's what you do with the spark that matters. You can try to re-focus your energy on trying to make things work with your husband. Or you can choose to light a fire somewhere else.

I've always said that in order to start another relationship, you need to end the one your in and be on your own for a while. Typically, (and we've all heard this) rebounds don't work out, and this is what it would be: a rebound. Technically, it wouldn't even be a rebound...it'd be a bounce from one right into another.

If you're unhappy with your husband and have thoroughly exhausted all options but divorce, then do proceed with the divorce. If you're leaving him for the butterflies and emotions you have for someone else, you're better off not to pursue the coworker relationship. Only because the "honeymoon" period does end at some point and the day-to-day real life takes over.

If I may, you said that there are things about your relationship with your husband that irritate you. Whether you know it or not, you're going to be looking for ways to be irritated so that you can justify leaving him to be with another man. Nothing against you, but it's easier to blame the other person than it is to take the blame yourself.

I believe that you should be on your own and grow as a person before you make a decision to jump into another relationship. You need to search inside of yourself to see what you really and truly want out of life. Then go after it...by yourself. No man will make your life complete.

And on the other side of things, he will have to deal with his wife forever because they have children together. It's not easy to step into a step-parent role when you have no children of your own. It can be done, but it takes a special kind of person to be able to do it. He would be sharing his time with his children and with you...and it's not all fairytale happy-ending type things either.

I do wish you the best of luck with everything. Make your decisions carefully because it's not just your life you would be affecting.

Answer 6

Today, people make divorce sound so casual. When you got married, to made a promise to God that you'll love for better for worst, that you'll stay together untill one of you die. Breaking that promise would be bad because God doesn't break his promises. People go through problems in their marriages all the time but its not the end of the world. You just need to find a way to rekindle the fire that you once had. Divorces can be harsh and it isnt just you anymore you have now involved a few kids in it too. When kids loose their parents, they usually take that hard. You shouldn't want to put them through that. So even if its just for the children's sake just work it out. Get counselling

Answer 7

If you are truly unhappy in your marriage, and you have tried everything to make it work, and you are thinking of straying, then it is not fair to your husband or yourself to stay in the marriage. My ex and I tried to make a failed marriage work for 13 years - we even tried having a child to make it all better. Regardless, it didn't make it better, only worse. So if you are truly that unhappy, I wouldn't postpone it until there are children in the mix, that makes life much harder. But I also don't recommend jumping right into another relationship until you have figured out what went wrong in the relationship that you are in. Did you not pay enough attention to each other, did you try to work it out fairly and without thinking of other people that might be influencing your decision from the outside. It is a tough decision to make - I tried to make it work for 3 1/2 years after the birth of our child - but it got tiring fighting all the time. Now, 1 1/2 years after the seperation we are much better friends, and much better parents - but it is hard not having the father of my child around to help out when I need it.

PS - from experience - he isn't going to leave his family and have to pay child support and/or alimony - if you do break it off, find someone who isn't married.

Answer 8

Don't do it! If he is cheating on his wife already, he will do it to you. And in divorce, the kids always pay a much higher price than the adults that couldn't be adults. If you are unhappy at home, do something about it.....go to counciling....talk about it and resolve the issues if that can be done.....if you can not resolve the issues, then go your own directions now before kids are involved. As to whether or not you will go to Hell if you follow through.....YES! The bible is very clear. It is not a book of "suggested guidlines" for living your life. It is a book of hard and fast rules for which there are consequences if you chose to do your own thing.

Answer 9

It is a horrible idea to jump into a new relationship before getting out of the relationship you are in now. You should definitely try to work on your current relationship. If all else fails then break up. But remember if you jump from one relationship to another you are doomed for failure. First resolve your issues then pursue a relationship. Just remember we always think the grass is greener on the other side and when we get there it is full of doggie poo. Good luck.

Answer 10

If you truly are not happy, it is up to you to solve your own situation, before you involve anyone else. It is so easy to fall into situations that involve other people, and just go with the flow. A responsible person makes their own decisions and lives with the results. A responsible person doesn't involve anyone else, especially someone with young children, in their lives and responsibilities. You are who you are and must live with who you are. What will you do, if the statistics are true? SERIOUSLY check out stats on married men with children whom have affairs. Guess whom most go home to. Good Luck.