husband hit me?

Question

My husband hit me about a month ago. He is, I think, an alcoholic, and this isnt a common thing for him. I left and went to stay with my parents. Because I am staying 5 hours away from him, I have brought his son up to see him for a week. Since I got here, he hasnt had a drink at all, and has been really sweet to me, saying all the things i have always wanted him to say (i love you, your beautiful, all the things a girl wants to hear) My parents want me and my son to stay with them, my husband wants us to stay with him, even offering to move closer to my parents so i can still see them as often as i want, I dont know what I want to do, our son has been so happy the past few days with his dad (he is 5 months old) and I like seeing that, but i am still scared. What should i do?

Answer 1

You have to do what is right for you. Ask him if he is willing to go to marriage counseling. Maybe get help with the drinking. If you love him and he loves you he can change if he is willing. Maybe have him move closer to where you are and you stay where you are and work on things. When you are more comfortable then move back in.

Answer 2

If he was capable of crossing that line just once, there is nothing at all to stop it from happening again. Guys either have it in them to hit or they don't. He did it. Unless you have been with him 24/7 during that week, you cannot be sure he didn't have a drink. PLEASE, he has said everything you want to hear because he wants you to come back. Unless he is a total moron, he will know exactly what to say to make you feel good. Your son is happy being with him because he is familiar to your son - your son is 5 months old and has only had a relationship with the man for 5 months.
Your parents are right and you should be scared. Most alcoholics can stay sober for a week and they tend to be con-artists - he will swear up and down that he will NEVER hit you again & that he will stop drinking so much if you'll just come back. If that doesn't work, he will let you know how selfish you are by keeping his son away from him and how ridiculous you are being for holding one little mistake against him. He will try to discredit your parents so that you don't trust them so much in order to get you to want to leave their home. He will then resort to feeling like a complete loser and without you and your son, his life will be meaningless and not worth living.
DO NOT LISTEN TO ANY OF IT - it is all bullshit. I can already see in your question that you are trying to justify why you should go back. Unless he will get into formal alcohol rehab/support and into therapy over the hitting incident, you should not ever go back to him. This is not how you want your son to grow up - if it happens again (which it most likely will), your son will lose all respect for you and end up thinking that it's okay to mistreat women. Bottom line, if your husband isn't willing to get treatment (not short, but long-term), he isn't committed enough to you and your son to deserve to have you back. If you go back now, you are giving him permission to do it again.

Answer 3

Of course he is saying and doing the right things now, but I hope you know deep in your heart that your first reaction was the correct one. You left. Now you've had time to forgive and possibly miss the intact family you had with him. It's good to be able to forgive him, but that does not mean you should take him back. The reason everyone says that if he hits you once he'll do it again is because it's true. Divorce now would be painless for your son. Later on, it will cause problems for him and after all your son is the important one to consider. I'm sorry you are going through this but stay strong and ask yourself why you would even consider a "man" who hit you. He isn't a man at all,ya know.

Answer 4

Put a restraining order on him. He's physically abusing this child and you're allowing this???? There is NO hitting allowed, not even you. If your husband so much as raises a hand to that child, call the police and charge him. Since your husband pushed the child through a wall today, call the police. Have your child checked out in a hospital and if there are injuries (bruises, contusions, etc.) then have the police take pictures. Then you ask them to take you and the child to a women's shelter. Are you crazy for letting this happen????

Answer 5

1. he hit you
and if he drinks and gets worked up he will again . that is a fact .
2.. your son is happy because you are , he will be scared when you are next time .
3...your husband has a drinking problem he wont get better
he will learn to live with out booze in his life and if he is strong he will be safe to be around .
Answer . Tell him to get professional help so he never gets into the position to do you or your little boy harm in the future
Until a doctor says he is clean and stable visit him but don't call his place home .. Be safe your deserve peace of mind.

Answer 6

Don't go back! Tell him to get into therapy and counseling! and that if he wants to see you and the baby more often that maybe he should move closer to where your parents live! By no means move back in! Of course he is saying what you want/need to hear because he Wants you back! He is pulling out all the cards! I am in it deep! And I wish I would have had the common sense enough to open my mouth and leave! But I didn't.....4 plus years later he is still doing it! I'm leaving soon....to his surprise! Stick to your guns....yes he can change but he must want to and it takes time! Don't move back in! GOOD LUCK!

Answer 7

You've been warned. Not only by your husband, but other users on here too, that unless he makes some drastic changes now, and sticks to them, it will get worse over time.

Of course he hasn't had a drink since you left and told you everyting you wanted to hear. But the question is how long is it going to last after you move back? Time will tell.

Just being real.

Answer 8

my wife has hit me SEVERAL times...and in 8 years, I have taken it and taken it and have gotten bruised and scratched and strangled...but see how this works....

nobody here will EVER side with me if I had ever hit her...not even once...in fact...most women are typically feminist in this arguement that men deserve what they get...and if the man DOES hit the spouse..then he is going to hell...

kind of a double standard isn't it??

what I would say is this...he will suffer in his own mind for YEARS because you WILL remind him for the rest of your life that he hit you...in any discussion/fight etc...you WILL throw it back into his face whether you have forgiven him or not...you can say you won't..but you will..

SO....make the conditions of your return as following...anger management classes, counseling and Alcohol Anon with detailed progress and find out who his sponsor is and talk with the sponsor when and if possible so that YOU know that he is ok. If he is really wanting to be with his son....he will WANT to do this right the first time and will do it right the first time..

forgiveness is one thing...and it is the right thing...but you should ONLY return...as long as the situation is safe.
very possibly, he may be a good father and just not a great husband...but the drinking MUST STOP...

most women who will offer you advice to leave running...have not yet had to deal with the problem themselves...so they do not speak with experience....and yeah..easy for them to say...it isn't their situation.

Answer 9

Stay with your mom for a long while. You know what he is capable of doing. Let him move close to you and your son and really find out if he is under controle .He seems to need help with his drinking.Let him get the help first .Trust me it will only get worse if you just try and put it behind you. Good Luck

Answer 10

Made a promissory with him. Its for your son sake too. Maybe he started to change so why dont'cha give him last more chance? You know, its terrible to keep on living without a father, especially to young ages. They'll feel lonely when they're in the middle of growing up