She says she want a divorce. I told her I would not ask her if this is really what she wants because I don't think she can answer that. So I asked if it is really what she has decided to do even if she doesn't know if it what she wants. Now she wants time to figure it out before making that step. She wants me to behave as a room mate and not a husband until then. How long do I give her to make this decision before I make it for her? I know that's not a lot of information to go on.
2007-08-21 14:57:14 · 18 answers · asked by Rick 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Do you want to live with her as a roomate while she tries to figure out how to leave?
If not, then don't do it. Why let her make all the decissions? You have any self-respect at all? If you don't want that (and why would you if you are normal), then tell her you don't want to live with somebody who doesn't know what she wants, so you would appreciate it if she would kindly leave NOW.
2007-08-21 15:02:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you have to ask her that. How long the ' room mate' set up would last till she reached a decision. Why not seek guidance from a marriage counsellor. You might still save your marriage. As long as no third party is involved, a marriage still can be saved. Marriage takes a lot of patience and sacrifices. Listen to what she is saying. Maybe the reason/s she wants out is unaddressed complaint for a long time. The two of you must love each other but constant exchange of unkind words and accussations might estranged you to each other. You have 3 kids, so u must consider that, too. Pray for your situation a lot.
Meanwhile, give her flowers, be thoughtful and be nice to her just like when the two of you are still boyfriend-girlfriend.
2007-08-21 23:45:54 · answer #2 · answered by andrea 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This applies, even though it's not exact.
The Pragmatist
Someone cried when you left.
Ain’t it strange?
Time to move. Count your change.
Amble on. Don’t look back:
Hold the course. Hold the track.
She’s bereft.
She’s in tears.
There’s a wedding back there waiting
Lock your eyes
Straight ahead. You’re no prize
To be won at a booth
Face the lies. Face the truth.
Skip the hating
Dodge the years.
If you can’t stand the heat
Leave the griddle
A man with an empty in his middle
Somewhere is looking for her
To sing her and adore her
They should meet.
Close your ears.
From Poems of the New Old West
Copyright 2003 Jack P
2007-08-21 22:10:31 · answer #3 · answered by Jack P 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should move out if possible - then she does have space and time to think about what she wants. You don't know what you've got until it's not there - so you need to make yourself 'not there'. It's very hard to say how long to give her because I don't know the reasons why she wanted a divorce in the first place. At the end of the day it all comes down to how long you are prepared to wait - you are in this as well and what you feel/want/need should be taken into consideration, it's not all about her.
2007-08-21 22:04:26 · answer #4 · answered by Monkey007 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im in a similar situation except my wife left because she felt like we had developed into room mates. Personally i know alot of people will be telling you not to look needy, or anything like that which i agree with to a point, if i could have my wife here as a roommate i would take that in a heartbeat, at least if we are close i can let her know what she means to me and just how much i love her, , in my situation she moved out and now we are "friends" and from what i see on this side there is no future in that.
Keep her close as long as you love her at least then there is a chance.
2007-08-21 22:04:22 · answer #5 · answered by clarky 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say give her 1 month max. In the meantime, seek some therapy either alone or with your wife.
It sort of sounds like she wants the divorce but you don't want it?
Have you two been to counseling yet? I think it would do you both a world of good to find out what exactly happened to lead to the breakdown of a marriage.
All the best!
2007-08-21 22:05:07 · answer #6 · answered by asldfkjdfj 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't let her make a decision that involves your life as well. If the two of you are unable to make that decision together or get counseling to see if you can work it out, then stand up and make the decision for yourself. To hang around waiting while she tries to "decide" puts your life in limbo. Don't give her that much power. You can be a roommate with anyone but living as one with your wife sounds like hell.
2007-08-21 22:05:48 · answer #7 · answered by dawnb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good. You have given full information about her and your relationship.
Now you do first thing first. Do as she wants you to do i.e. start living with her as a room mate (not a husband) till either she falls unto you as wife again or she asks you to file that.
2007-08-21 22:04:18 · answer #8 · answered by sv 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's confused and needs time to figure it out, and yes, it usually takes females longer than men. When you're trying to figure something out, do you like a time limit? Give her a few days before you talk to her again.
2007-08-21 22:03:00 · answer #9 · answered by lippy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give her enough time to figure things out. She can't expect you to wait an unreasonable amount of time...maybe a month or two..whatever you are comfortable with. Longer than that she needs to either fix it or let you get on with your life.
2007-08-21 22:10:00 · answer #10 · answered by Lisa W 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋