what to do about a future mother in law???

Question

I am engaged to get married in May, my future mother in law puts me down, she laughs at me, makes fun of my looks and my size, calls me a mistake, calls me uneducated even though i am going to college for nursing, and that is only the start of the words that are said and done to me... She only does this when it is just the 2 of us... she has not went to the level of saying it in front of her son yet.. I tell my boyfriend and he dont listen to me, he says your reading it all wrong, just ignore her.. What can i do to get my boyfriend to believe me when i tell him what she does to me? what can i do to stop this?

Answer 1

your boyfriend needs to stand up for you. I hate to say it but as lon as mom in law is a busybody or a real witch your marriage will be a rough one if your BF doesn't stand up for you. Best of luck

Answer 2

Sorru to hear you are having so many horrible things said to you. Its not very nice of your future mother in law. Your boyfriend should be much more supportive to you.

Ever heard the saying..

a sons a son till he takes a wife
a daughters a daughter the rest of her life

You could TRY and be your own proof sleuth by setting a tape recorder up in the room you sit in when she comes visiting you. Set it onto record, just before you let her in the house, or when she leaves the room to go to the bathroom or even when you see her coming down the street towards the house.. It will record everything you both say

BUT... doing this could cause a big argement between your boyfriend, his mum and yourself. So be warned it could make Biiiiiiiiig problems. Most depends on you and how much you feel you need to prove what you are saying is true

Answer 3

first of all, you have not done anything wrong - dont analyze things she says (because you already are - otehrwise you would not write here). i am sure it is nothing personal. for some mothers (actually, probably for all of them) it is difficult to accept the fact that they are not going to be number one for their son anymore. she is just jealous and you cant really blame her - we all are going to be old and bitter some day. ))))
first of all, simply tell her that you respect her and you would like the same from her. if she says she does respect you - tell her that some of her comments make you feel undomfortable, give examples, explain how she is wrong. if she says she doesnt respect you - bring this up when your boyfriend is there, she wont dare to lie in front of him otherwise - that will be a very dirty game and a different tactic (that is where videocameras and all that comes out - of you are still itnerested).
if she simply ignores it and finds a way out of it somehow - dont spend any time with her alone. NOT A SECOND! she has all this anger inside that needs to come out, let it come out if front of your BF.
I have been in a similar situation and i know my motehr was in this situation too. Usually, we do have to put up with family of our BF and husbands all our life, but this is a situation where such comments are plain rude. in real life i would just tell the person to **** off and go look at himself in the mirror. however this is a mother of your fiance and whether you like it or not (probably not and i feel for you), but most of them are like this. and the thing is that if it was not because of her you would not have your BF, and your BF will always remember that. So be carefull, but dont be a pushover and dont let people treat you like **** - noone can treat you like ****. NOONE! But also dont overdo it once you decide to talk about it with her. The description of your behaviour should be "assertive". DOnt attack, but dont let others attack you.

Answer 4

You're looking at a lifetime of this if you dont' put your foot down now. Either your boyfriend needs to take you seriously and sit down with you and his mother and tell her to cut it out, or you need to seriously consider leaving him. If he doesn't take your feelings seriously, he's not going to be a very good husband and you shouldn't have to live with this for the rest of your life.

You might also consider carrying a small tape recorder or hiding a video camera in the room when you're alone. Then you'll have it on record the things she says and you can play it for your boyfriend.

When your boyfriend realizes that the problems are serious enough that you're willing to call off your wedding because of them, he might wake up and do something about them. If he doesn't, he doesn't deserve you. Even if he's not the one who is calling you those nasty names and making you feel bad about yourself, he's letting his mother get away with it, and to me, that's just as bad. When a man gets married, it's time for him to choose his wife over his mother.

Answer 5

I am a daughter-in-law of 30 years, and have 2 sisters that are daughter-in- laws, not including my parents generation. I have never experienced the hatred for mother-in-laws that I do now.

The more I read the more I want to tell all of you new brides is to quite your whining!! Start to respect your husbands mother.

I know your own mothers are just as interfering but you all seem to except that fact just fine. Why is it so awful when your mother in law is doing the same thing? Realize they are still mothers too!! Just as your own!! Stop looking for resons to dislike them. They want to love you and love your husbands too!

Answer 6

Your fiance can't defend you against something he hasn't seen happen and, it is happening to you so you need to handle it, not him.

You need to sit down with her and discuss this with her with your fiance there. Tell him before hand you want him to be there so he will know exactly what you say and how you say it so there won't be a chance of something being misinterpreted to him later.

Don't be accusatory but do tell her that she may not realize how much that hurts you when she does or says things that are hurtful and ask her if she could please stop doing it. Let her know that you love her and don't want any trouble between you and that is why you are going to her and discussing it up front so you two can put it behind you.

Be ready though ~ she may well get defensive but if she does, just stay calm and tell her you just want to be friends but she is hurting your feelings and just to think before she says things that could be hurtful.

Good luck ~ not an easy position to be in.

Answer 7

Ignore her when you can, and avoid being alone with her, nothing will piss her off more than when you marry her son, just smile at her so proudly as you walk arm and arm with your husband back down the isle as the married couple, only go around when your hubby is there, and if you are left in her presence alone, say hey its your opinion, but I still won your sons heart so obviously it does not matter what you think!!!!!!!!!

Answer 8

Put your foot down on this one. I would record it and if that doesn't work, then you and him need counseling right along with the mother. The mother really needs it. You need to take a step out of your shoes and ask yourself if you really want to spend the rest of your life like this knowing that your mother-in-law dislikes you?

Some major changes have to be done with this relationship between the 3 of you guys. I'm including your fiance because he needs to be a man and stand up for you. If not, he's definately scared of his mom.

Your story reminds me of that movie Monster-In-Law with Jennifer Lopez.

I wish you the best of luck....

Answer 9

Your taking her little boy away from her! You need to take action now or your life will be hell. If your BF Does'nt believe the dragon is saying I'm sorry my love but the relationship will be doomed from the start. You have to talk to your dragon as a couple and if you BF won't then you know what you need to do. Good luck my friend

Answer 10

Couples often go into relationships with different agendae, and they never come to terms with the differences.

Nobody ever sits down before marriage with a paper explaining what they're agreeing to, expecting to recieve, expecting to give.

It's not too late.

Also, read a few books about boundary issues and ownership [relationship] issues. Maybe also about dependency relationships.