This happened years ago, I was in a car accident, I spent almost 1 year in the hospital, mostly rehabilitation, I have two children, while I was in the hospital my wife met a patient at the hospital and moved him into the apartment with my children, she got pregnant, not by me. She has so totally destroyed any part of a family we had. I have so much pain and so much hate inside of me . I haven't seen my babies in 16 years, God, I hate her so much.
2007-08-21 13:41:40 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm am living on disability, very little money, I live in Kansas, my kids live in Alaska.
2007-08-21 14:15:06 · update #1
Oh my goodness, I am so sorry. Your hatred toward her is totally justified. Her responsibility was to to take care of you in your time of need. "in sickness and in health" not to mention the infidelity. Your children may be reluctant to accept you immediately into their lives, since there may have been some lies told in regards to your character. They should be adults now, or soon, so you should make an attempt to contact them. You can salvage that portion of the family you used to know. Good luck
2007-08-21 13:54:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow! So sorry for how you feel what she did was so wrong and selfish and my goodness you sound like you are in so much hurt. however not trying to defend her sometimes caring for someone who is in a critical state can be a real challenge in a marriage this is where the for better or worse comes into play, this is where your love and commitment is tested and probably she was overwhelmed by the responsibility of caring for you. This is not an excuse to do what she did i want you to look at this because it will help you begin to let go of anger in your life if you do not you are making your life hell . You need to make your peace about this it has being sixteen years . Did she try to reach out to you, Did you try to reach out to her for the sake of the kids did you just make up your mind to never have anything to do with her and the kids? that part is unclear to me but you need to get this rage out of you it has been too long get counselling to help you let this go i know you are in so much pain i cannot even imagine but you have clearly lost your power here and you need to get it back. cheers
2007-08-21 21:03:49 · answer #2 · answered by Versacetica 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to hear that you have carried this "hate" for so many years. What your ex wife did to you was not your kids fault, but you abandoned them, and this has also hurt them alot.
Holding on to bitterness is only holding you back from moving forward. Letting go of anger and forgiving those who hurt us, is not for their sake, but for ours.
Cheating is never the proper thing to do when people feel "lonely." However, the issue here is how long you've held on to this resentment. I hope you seek counseling, or find the faith in God to do yourself a favor by "forgiving" and letting go of this "pain."
If you were to be in front of the doors to heaven, and you were carrying a "bag" full of all your "anger/resentments" and were asked to "leave them behind" or you could not enter, what would you do? I hope you do the right thing, and try to find your children and ask them for forgiveness and love them, the way a father should love and protect his children.
2007-08-21 21:03:21 · answer #3 · answered by Emerald 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can relate, somewhat, to what you're going through.
I was married and started having health problems.
I had 2 little kids, but my husband (ex now) ruined our marriage because "he" got scared and didn't know if "he" could deal with "my" health problems.
They are not dibilitating (but at the time we didn't know if they would be or not), but they are a forever problem I will always have.
Well, he decided to go back to an old girlfriend.
While I was waiting to find out if I was going to live or die, or be in a wheelchair, for the rest of my life.
Needless to say, the marriage ended.
But I was lucky in the aspect that I DO have my kids.
But even though everything he put me through, I never said 1 bad word about him (in front of the kids, other times...hell yea). But we never wanted the kids to suffer for our failings.
So I have lived with that pain, anger, resentment, humiliation and low self esteem because of him.
I keep it hidden very well.
But there are times that it comes out, I just don't let the kids see it.
I feel so sorry for your pain.
It has to be extremely hard not to be able to see your own children.
But I must say, that 1 of these days, those kids are going to come to you, and they will hate their Mother for keeping them away from you.
Trust me on this one, it will happen, you just wait and see.
And write to me and let me know, when it happens ;)
2007-08-21 20:55:31 · answer #4 · answered by MommaBear 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is a horrible story and I am very sorry for the way your life has turned out. What I am even more sorry for is that you are still harboring such hatred. Whatever it takes, you need to forgive her in your heart and not allow it to destroy you. Your own happiness is the best revenge anyway. One question: why have you not seen your children in 16 years? Don't you have visitation rights? If it is because of your anger then shame on you too.
2007-08-21 21:18:20 · answer #5 · answered by mab5096 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why can't you see your children? It sounds like you're better off without a woman like that in your life. Get your relationship back with your kids, even if 16 years have passed. I am sure they'd love to be with their real dad. Let go of your hate and find someone new to love!
2007-08-21 20:54:34 · answer #6 · answered by Cathy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to get over this, hon. Hatred just erodes your soul. Get some counseling, get your head back on straight, and find a new lady.... But you won't be successful in your search until you get rid of the poison in your heart... and that won't happen without your getting some help. Life is tooo short, and being with a loving partner toooo wonderful to wallow in a pity party for 16 years.... Find a whole new you in counseling...
2007-08-21 21:17:46 · answer #7 · answered by April 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You sound as though you might be dwelling on the past more than is good for you.
You might consider leaving it behind, or trying to change things into something you prefer.
In any case, 16 years is too much precious life to waste stewing in a lot of ugly mixed with feeling sorry for yourself. We all got hard times. Deal with yours, same as everyone else has to deal with theirs.
Be a man.
2007-08-21 20:56:21 · answer #8 · answered by Jack P 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sad but why have you not seen your kids in 16 years? Go find them. Why let this woman deprive you of your kids? Take all of that hate and turn it into something positive or she wins. Go find your peace and enjoy your life. Reconnect with your children and find out who they've become.
2007-08-21 20:48:10 · answer #9 · answered by oracleofohio 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
listen, she cheated 16 years ago, that´s her loss, not yours , you need to get over that in order to be a good man and have a nice life with someone else who will love you and want to spend the rest of her life with you ! In terms of your kids WHAT THE HELL WHERE YOU THINKING ABOUT!!!!!!!!the fact that your wife cheated doesn´t have anything to do with your relationship with your kids, you have lost vauable time but it is not too late try to mend things up between you and your kids, you cannot permit someone else enjoy the best stage of their lives, your kids need you, common man step up to the plate and be the father that your kids need you to be.
2007-08-21 20:57:44 · answer #10 · answered by Miss Pearl 06 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋