i have been with my fiance for 6 years we have been engaged for 2 of the 7 years i have a 7 year old daughter he has been in our lives since she was 18 months old. we practicaly live together and i am growing impaitent waiting for him to marry me every time i try to discuss plans he becomes irritated,says he will marry me but when i ask him when he can never give me a date or even a year. i met someone else we have been seeing one another we have not slept together yet but know we will soon, he is already talking marriage and family. after 4 months. what should i do?? leave and move on or stay and wait, my daughter has not net the 2nd guy yet i dont want to confuse her. the 2nd guy is paitent and understands my delay but he doesw not know about my fiance please be nice and not juvinille with your answer i really need help i love my fiance but i dont want to wait anymore i am now 36 yrs old
2007-08-21 13:33:50 · 16 answers · asked by angelswife 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think your answer is in the question. You have already stopped waiting and moved on. You have someone else in your life. Even if he set a date tomorrow, you would still have to deal with the infidelity in your heart. Consider that perhaps if you are seeing someone else already while you are engaged then you won't be able to have a committed relationship with this man ever...
2007-08-21 13:42:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
A man that wants to marry after 4 months of knowing you sounds like a bad idea...forget that...the relationship you've had w/ your bf of 7 years could be saved..if you REALLY feel with all your heart and soul this is what you want and you need that to be happy..you might have to give him an ultimatum and be ready to lose him entirely.. this new guy I think you should just date- but marrying another man too soon is a bad idea specially if your daughter has been attached to your bf already from all the years of him being like a father...
I wish you well...also, I wanted to ask you, if he married you now, what exactly would change? Is it an emotional/mental security? You already have an existing commitment so marrying is just a great bonus to that but not necessarily a neddesity..try to think about that for a while..see what you can come up with..
2007-08-21 13:50:34 · answer #2 · answered by contessa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Although I totally disagree with cheating on your fiance, I also understand what your saying about the whole marriage issue. If you still love your fiance and I mean REALLY love him, sit him down and tell him this.... We have a child together, we practically live together already, if you TRULY love me its NOW or NEVER. If he still feels he needs time, go be with the other guy. But don't move to fast, you have been with the "fiance" for a long time so of coarse your gonna feel like this new relationship is wonderful, but keep in mind it has only just begun. Take your time, make sure you are in it for the long haul and if so, marry him-when YOUR ready. There is no sense in being a wife if the man your with isn't ready to make it LEGAL. and yes you are his wife in a way, you have a family together, I bet you even cook and clean for him, if that and the fact he "supposedly" loves you isn't reason enough to be married after 7 years then move on!!! GOOD LUCK!
2007-08-21 13:46:15 · answer #3 · answered by donnakygirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Really a dilemma! How sure are you that that the second guy will get married to you? He might be making up things to sleep with you! Don't get into a situation where "What you have is lost and what you chased is gone".
If you first guy is nice to you then you should consider to live with him. Since you already have a kid, marriage is not a big deal.
Moreover you new husband might not treat your daughter well after marriage. Decision is in your hand. To be safe, if you decided to get married with the second guy, don't let him to touch you until you are married and ensure that he agrees to take good care of your kid!
Good luck.
2007-08-21 13:48:20 · answer #4 · answered by Roohan Selvan 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough question, but it sounds like your heart has made up its mind. If you want to provide a stable household for your daughter, you are going to have to think of her before yourself. Is your fiance her father? If so, then you'll have to level with him and explain your situation and his status with you. If not, he's under no real obligation to either of you except his good will.
You haven't slept with Guy #2, and that's good. Wait till you resolve your situation with Guy #1 first (OBTW: how is he your fiance if he won't give you a wedding date?) might be something to investigate.
Guy #2 needs to know that there's a Guy #1...might be a heartbreaker or a dealbreaker, but he deserves to know that somebody's in your daughter's heart.
It could be that you're going to have to have some frank and uncomfortable conversations with Guy #1. It could be that Guy #2 will be the best thing to happen to your relationship with Guy #1. It might make him realize that he's going to have to get serious about making a commitment. On the other hand, it could be that Guy #2 is going to make your dreams come true.
Either way, you're going to have to be honest with both of them, let them know where they stand, and what you need from each of them to make them worth your while. Take control. Teach your daughter that guys can't string you along.
2007-08-21 13:47:24 · answer #5 · answered by KD 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should leave your partner, but be by yourself. 4 months is not enough time to move in with someone or get married. This would not be healthy in any way for your daughter. You need to live on your own and concentrate on your needs and your daughters. If that other guy really love you then he will understand you and wait patiently. Plus you don't want to start problems when your partner finds out you left him to move in with another guy of only 4 months. You need to be strong and independent and clearly tell your partner why you are leaving. Tell him you love him, but that you will not waste any more time or years on him, that if marriage is not important to him then he needs to move on. I think you're just scared of losing him or being alone in life, when in reality you shouldn't see it that way because you have your daughter who needs you in life to survive. Good Luck!
2007-08-21 14:29:32 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well i am not going to say run off with the other guy but if there is a lack of communication now then what will the marriage be like with you fiance.I dont really think that a marrige makes you happy it is the person itself.what does a ring say but that they are yours till death.And even that isnt ture because it doesnt stop both of your from cheating.Put them side by side in your head and compare, future and present.
2007-08-21 13:43:50 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would let fiance' know that I want to be a wife, preferably his however if he still puts you off you must look for the best suit for you and your child, make sure I DO is not the only thing your looking for though because I promise you it will turn into disater for you both.
Best of luck!
2007-08-21 13:40:50 · answer #8 · answered by hard2fool 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-09 00:06:57 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, ask him why is his hang up about getting married? If he have issue about full fill his promise to marry you. then the engagement is off. and the second guy..I think you should take it slow with him. I getting the feeling he is saying things that you want to hear (marriage) and four month is too soon in my book. just think about it before you react...good luck
2007-08-21 13:58:28 · answer #10 · answered by Thomas 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋