can i ever trust again?

Question

Found out my ex wife was having an affair for six months prior to her asking for a divorce.She was the most sincere trust worthy woman i had ever met,so i thought.Turns out she hooked up with an old fling of hers going back some twenty years.He is married and has eight kids. He is paying all her exspenses,rent etc. While his wife can't put food on the table for there kids.What has happened to this thing called marriage,commitment,till death do us part. She has destroyed what little hope i ever had of being in a trusting relationship.She tells me its Gods will,destiny that they are together again.What about the kids ?

I have spoken to his wife and she had no idea her husband had a mistress living two miniutes down the road from her. He has threatened me over the phone ,i just can't help but laugh at it.Him and my ex are religious hipocrits.

Answer 1

i understand the hurt and the pain, but don't let one woman's twisted view on faithfulness ruin you forever. And for a father to run out on eight kids, is evil and selfish. Sounds like those two were meant to be together. Move on, find someone worthy of yoru trust and love.

Answer 2

Whilst you go right into a relationship you open yourself up to the possibility of getting hurt. That's how it's. It rather is a chance. There is not any warranty that you won't be betrayed. That you can simplest hope. That you may under no circumstances dictate the actions of your partner, so the possibility of being hurt by means of him is there. Regularly you'll be able to be amazed how much you don't know a person regardless of how lengthy you have got identified him. I realize that you will be jaded finally this. Investing a lot to only get damage subsequently. I believe the intent you are not able to get over it is considering that your pride used to be harm. How can a man who has the whole thing he needs in a female friend cheat? I suppose with no trouble considering that some persons just don't know how one can value what they have got. They're simply certainly not convinced. It's his loss. Do not worry, you still have your pleasure and dignity intact 'cuz you stepped out and left him the moment you discovered as an alternative than stayed and permitted the obstacle. Cost all of it to expertise. Don't be afraid to chance once more. That is part of life. If it occurs(again), select yourself up, dirt your self, and preserve on jogging, don't look again. There is a announcing that in case you offer a person your hand and he grabs your arm, he's not a good person, so watch out. Set cheap limits to what you're going to present/do in a relationship. In case your partner demands more or forces then you definately that must be a warning.

Answer 3

God's will and destiny??? Crap. And she knows it, too, sweetie.

Can I give you some hope?

Mine did the same thing... we had a great marriage---- we had it all --- position in the community, $$, nice cars, great jobs, yadaydayday.... but he cheated, and I ran, as in outa there. Betrayal is THE deal buster, and to think of the guy touching me again made my skin crawl... and no amount of counseling was gonna fix that...

So, hon, after your divorce, and some soul searching, and maybe a session or two of counseling to get your head back of straight, know something: This has happened to women too.... married to guys they thought they could trust forever and in everything. Men who were the loves of their lives... then they watched it shatter. You did nothing wrong. But something else: Love, and that special lady in your life is just tooooo wonderful not to trust again, and not to love again. Not every lady is a creep, most of us are open, honest, and healed. And don't try to resurrect your broken marriage... a friend once told me the only thing good reheated is stuffed cabbage. I think that friend was right.

When you get healed, try on line dating services. If you need to loose some weight, do it, and if you don't have that killer smile, get it at the best cosmetic dentist you can afford. Beautiful teeth radiate health, hon, and healthy is sexy. Have your hair done differently, and get some help with a few sets of casual clothes. Get some great photos taken and put up a profile.... I met the nicest men on Yahoo Personals.... some I wanted to see again, some wanted to see me again... and I even met a nut case, just like someone who would be next to me in church. But the guy I am with now, was a perfect match.... we are now into the third year together. You'll be fine.

Answer 4

Calling it "God's will" is just self delusion. A poor attempt at rationalizing, justifying horrible actions. Destiny would have had them together 20 years ago. Not eight children later. It's just a fantasy and her 'bubble' will burst soon enough.

God wants a man to take care of his wife and children. This is NOT a man concerned about God's will.

Just a selfish indulgence.

I wouldn't be surprised at all if this married man dumped her big time now that his wife knows.

I hope if you two have children that you found some counseling to help them adjust to this change. It's hard, even on older kids.

Sorry you are going through this.

Answer 5

One bad apple can ruin the whole bunch. Don't let the actions of one woman ruin the way you perceive the rest. Not everyone is what they seem but others are exactly what they say they are. That's a pretty harsh situation you got there. The only thing I can say is they will get what's coming to them. Once a cheater, always a cheater. It doesn't help the situation that they both hooked up while both was cheating on their significant other. As far as it being "God's will, destiny" she was apparantly using any excuse she could think of to make her actions not look so bad on her part. Like I said, don't let your perception of one woman keep you from finding happiness in another.

Answer 6

Your ex is a bunch of s h i t and has always been you just didn't see it or chose not to see it. You are no different then the rest of us poor trusting fools. You know the saying love is blind. What is it,do we turn stupid when we fall in love, it's true we see what we choose to see and over look the rest. Why is it when it's all out in the open we can usually name the other person and give the times and dates when they were out or just acting weird or being mean to us. That's when you feel the fool because it was all right there in front of your face and you did nothing even though it didn't feel right you talked yourself out of it.Most of us have been where you are and you will get over the trust issues. We all are not like your ex thank god.She really should be ashamed of herself for taking the money that should be going to his kids just so she can be with that man.Both will get what is coming to them and it won't be from God as she thinks.

Answer 7

Well, there are lots of interesting things in this! First of all, obviously she is throwing God's Will in where it does not belong. Gods Will is that both parties in a marriage remain TRUE to their vows. She is probably just trying to justify her wrong doing. Plus, if this other guy is married she is an equal part in Adultry! She commited adultry herself! There isn't much godliness to her doings anyways! So, don't believe a word about what she is saying! Plus, in the end, she will get what she deserves (I'm not being hateful but Karma comes back around! I mean, the energy you put out comes back to you-all she has put out is negative energy!)
If you want to be on the topic of God, He knows that she did wrong, not you. Obviously, you are truly believe that you must honor your vows, and yes your right, anymore you wouldn't think that those vows were anything but scripted words that made people look good for a short amount of time! But there are marriages out there, like my husband and I's...that we meant every word of it! We have our good days and bad days, but we have EVERY intention that we will do WHATEVER is needed to make it until death do us part!
You can't give up on every woman out there! Yes, your heart is tattered, and torn into a million pieces, but God will heal your heart and you will find the person you deserve(if you so choose to) and she will love you unconditionally, she will honor the vows if you two marry, and you will truly know in your heart that you can trust her!
Don't give up hope! You seem like a good guy!

Answer 8

Some people are just cruel and insensitive and only care about their own needs and wants. I very rarely ever hear about anyone who has cheated who actually admits and says I'm sorry and means it. Not to say that there aren't any genuine people who make this mistake and are truly sorry but there are too many that don't and leave little hope for the person they've betrayed. I know what you're going through, believe me. Your wound was re-opened and made larger. I wish I could offer you some advice because I definitely need some myself. Take care and keep your chin up as best as you can.

Answer 9

Sounds like your wife took a selfish turn and thinks that explaining it away to God's destiny makes it all better. What a mess she has made of so many lives. It's a shame she didn't see that destiny in the life she made with you. Do your best to keep what's left of your family together and get some help if you need it. Your kids will need you.

Answer 10

That's a little strange.
She doesn't sound like she's worth the fuss. If she has that little of a heart to cheat on you, file a divorce and say that's god's will that her fling 20 years ago is who she's ment to be with who IS already married and has 8 kids, she's not worth it!
Just think, she's has that little of a heart to cheat on you, AND go through with an affair also with the guy she's cheating on you with, whom he had to have an affair on his wife and let down his children! Having an affair with a person who is NOT married is one thing, but to have one with someone who is married as well, and has kids..come on.
Don't hurt yourself over this. Obviously those words about marriage didn't mean a thing..Do you think those two will be together for long? i doubt it! Don't let her run back to you, after she's broken your heart so carelessly.
I'm sorry to hear!
All my luck to you,
xx