What would you do if you found out your 15 year old was drinking alcohol when out with friends?

Question

I have raised her better than this! I just found out from my 18 year old niece that my daughter told her she has on 2 or 3 occasions had alcohol when out with friends. I am all in her face when it comes her going out. I want to know with who, where and when she will be home. She is an A honor roll student, currently enrolled to make her confirmation next summer and not a bad kid. Do I say something to her or wait to catch her when she comes home. I hate to have to "smell her breathe" when she walks in the door and I dont like not trusting her but I think she broke the trust cycle here! I prefer adult answers because this is serious even if you kids don't think so - One day you will be a parent and hopefully not in this situation.

Answer 1

If I were you, I would sit down and talk to her as soon as you are able. It only takes one time for drinking to get out of hand and you don't want that to be the one time that you planned on catching her. Tell her that you heard about her drinking and wanted to confront her personally.

Talk calmly and honestly. Listen to her side, but don't let her get by with lying. Tell her that you know kids experiment, but there's always risks involved. Use the Internet to find sources to discuss the health risks of alcohol consumption. Plan on spending a good deal of time talking with her.

Also, let her know you still love her and want to trust her, but that you know she's smarter than this. You want to emphasize that you are getting involved because you love her, not because you want to control her; teenagers often just do things (often self destructive) to assume some "control" of their lives. While asserting one's independence is a part of growing up, teenagers especially need to be informed and guided so that they are given the tools to make intelligent choices.

Answer 2

Yes underage drinking is a terrible and scarey thing, especially when friends are old enough to drive. She should definatly have consequences for this action.

On a different note, she is not the only one doing this. Over 80% of teenagers have drank or tried alchohol more than 1 time. So dont think that she has terrible judgement and is going to abuse alchohol.

Now remember that you have an upper edge that you already know from your niece. So you can eighther break that bond and trust and tell it all upfront and honest with the possibility of some friction between family. Or you can use your information and keep your source secure, so if you ever need her to check up on her again you will be able to do so.
And Im am 99% sure that your neice has tried alchohol too, and that your daughter might of glamourized her story to seem "cool".

Its not the end of the world, but Im sure a bit of information like car crash pictures from a DUI accident and the thought of her not being able to get her drivers lisence if she got caught would be enough to scare her from poor desicion making. Remember that teens want proof, they want facts, they want pictures. Not a lecture from mom and dad.

Answer 3

Id be way way way overprotective, with alcohol comes so many other behaviors!! Just know where she is at all times and double check! Quick warning - I know many parents that would stand up and say "I will be home" and either would leave anyway OR drink with them.... keep an eye out for the crappy other parents too!! GOOD LUCK and "this too shall pass!" Dont let anything pass you by, go to her friend's house when she says she will be there for suprise checks here and there, stop at the movies when she goes and tell her to meet you somewhere outside once in a while... not every time, just so she knows she wont get anything past you. I personally wish my mom would have done that when I was a kid and was less of "a friend" and more of a MOM to me!!! (Im a mom now myself with a toddler, and plan on being way strict!) Oh yeah first Id ground her butt for a month - not computer, TV, telephone etc...

Answer 4

i want you teo let your daughter read this:
when i was walking to school when i was 14yrs old i was hit by a drunk driver who still to this day has never been punished and i now have arthritis in my knees as a result of that accident. My father and mother are both alcoholics and both have been in severe car accidents which nearly claimed their lives. My sister who is 28yrs old is a very heavy drinker and now has problems with her liver as well as her reproductive organs as a rsult of her drinking. When my sister was 15yrs old she went to a party where she had only 1 drink which had drugs in it, she was later raped at that party and is the reason she drinks today. I have had 3 relatives who have painfully died as a result of alcohol abuse.
Although you seem cool cause you are drinking with firends but there is nothing cool about underage drinking and underage drinking can lead to alcoholism.
I am thankful that i don't drink and i am healthy there is nothing wrong with having a drink here and there with friends but wait until you are of age and rsponsible enough to handle it.
There is so much more you can do with life aside from drinking. Please do something more positive perhaps you could volunteer at your local shelter or hospital instead of drinking.
Good LUck!

Answer 5

Parenting is so hard isn't it!! I have 2 boys, 16-19, and I hate to be so distrustful, but there are so many things kids today can get into that I obsess about it all. I want them to be good, responsible adults. Could she have told your niece this to fit in and really didn't drink the alcohol? You are doing all the right things, but I think I'd try to keep an open mind and give her the benefit of the doubt, but I'd certainly be very leery.

Answer 6

Mine would be in some serious trouble thankfully she is only 4 months old though.Please don't blame yourself for this.My older sister was 32 yrs old when she had her firstborn and was a fantastic student and never did anything bad.Well her 16 yr old daughter got pregnant and was doing drugs and alcohal.Sometimes you can't even help it they just do it.
Try to get her some help possibly a counsler and talk to her yourself too.The best thing and most healthy thing for a teen even adults too is talking to others.Your not done raising her yet so keep on going and do your best.

Best of luck to you and your daughter!

=)

Answer 7

let me think I know when I was 15 (Im 29 now) I (occasionally not often) drank alcohol but my Mum always knew and she alwasy knew the type of people I was with and she always was glad she trusted those people so she didnt have to worry as much. I guess you should be glad its alcohol and not drugs but if you ignore the alcohol subject does it then lead to drugs. Its a hard question to answer. I guess she isnt causing trouble by drinking but then again it is against the law.
A drastic thing you could do is wait til she attends the next party then call the cops and let them know that there is underage drinking happening and then they may bring her home and then you know and that may scare her not to do it again.
I hope this helps.

Answer 8

Dont give up stay strict and nip this in the bud. YES she broke the trust you gave her, now she has to earn it back !!!!!!!!

Needless to say he would not be allowed out of the house other then school, and with me.

If he wants to break the law he would have NO PRIVILAGES. I would not allow it, tollerate it, or accept it and he know it.

I would also scare him straight by calling the police , having him charged with underage drinking, and asking the judge for a stiff sentence, such as 1000 hours of community service. And he KNOWS I would do this.

I also know where he goes, who he is with and what they are doing at all times, and yes i do check up to make sure thats what he is doing !!!

so many bad things can happen, killed because they think they can drive or ride with a drunk driver, setting herself up to be raped, unhealthy sexual choices ect.

Answer 9

I know you said perferably adut answers and Im not an adult, but I think you might like what I have to say.

all kids about her age drink, I admit I have, only once though. sure she broke the trust thing and you should be cautious, and if she really wants to, she WILL get drunk. but, I think that if you find something she likes to do, like watch movies or something, and get some of her friends, some people she wont be embarrased to hang out with, and go do what ever she does like to do she might like hanging out with you and stop drinking. IM not sure if this will work, but thats what I think I would do with my kids... sorry if that doesnt help

Answer 10

well if your always 'all in her face' she could be doing this to rebel against you. when she comes home don't smell her breath because I'm pretty sure you won't smell it if you haven't before. I say you should have a talk with her about illegal activity tell her about people getting drinks spiked (my 21y/o bro was spiked by a "friend" who had intended the drink for a girl) don't accuse her of it allow her a chance to tell you herself. if she lies and says she has never done anything like that then tell her you know and make her punishment worse for lying.