Trial Separations, do they work?

Question

I've been with my partner for 6 years and we have two children. We moved very fast in the early days, with me falling pregnant and us moving in together very quickly. Our relationship hasn't been easy, he has left me several times and been sneaky with other girls (though not actually cheated on me), and he's often said he doesn't love me and is only with me for our children etc. Despite all of this, we have had great times and I genuinely do love him and want our relationship to work, but I feel under-valued and unloved in our relationship, and my self esteem is at an all time low, because I truly believe he is only with me for the children, and if I'd have never fallen pregnant, he'd have been gone a long time ago.

Anyway, I've asked for a trial separation, because I feel I need time out to assess whether I really want to be with someone who makes me feel so unwanted and doubtful. He agreed without debate, which makes me feel my doubts are founded.

What is likely to happen?

Answer 1

I think you have just set him free by trying a trial separation . Why don't you try to get along without him . He shows you no respect and it seems like he treats you very badly . Now is the time to start fresh without him. You can do better . I know it's scarey but better to be scared then treated the way he treats you . Y ou can do better then him . Good Luck

Answer 2

He may think that you don,t want him anymore when your asking him for a trial separation,if you know he,s never cheated on you,and you believe he would have left you if was,nt for the children,why has,nt he left you now?everyone has arguements,a lot of things are said,(but not meant) children are a strain on relationships at times,he would have left after the 2nd child if he did,nt love you,i think you should both have a good talk,tell him that you do love him,in a calm way,open up about how you feel,it sounds like he does love you,but may feel that the children take all of your time,you must make time for each other,not just now an again,on a regular basis,arrange to have that time,it should be every night when the children are in bed,it does,nt have to be sexual all the time,kisses an cuddles are a much needed part of loving each other,and talking is essential,everything is so routine when there,s children,you should both have your nights to look forward to.my mind tells me that he would have left by now if he did,nt love you,give him some time too.keep the excitement there,have some romance together,surprise him now an again,show him your still the girl he met 6yrs ago,never give the children all of you,i think he,ll react to that,you,ve got to make time for each other,love does,nt die,unless either of you want it to.

Answer 3

I am sorry to hear that you have been going through this- but this kind of man only ebbs away at your self esteem- he has you right where he wants you- sneaking around with other girls is cheating- if he did it behind your back knowing you would be hurt-its cheating- sex or no sex. He's taking the P*** out of you. You deserve better and so do your kids- so bit the bullet and kick him out- trial separations never work- not ever- he will use it as an excuse to be more open about his messing about with other girls. If a man TRULY loves and respects you he has no need for other women- not even for emailing or flirty chatting. Ditch him darling- get the man you deserve.

Answer 4

I think you did the right thing, a separation will give you time to clear your head and discover that you are better off without him.
You don't deserve to be in a relationship where he doesn't love you. Its not fair on him and most important its not fair on you.
A relationship can't work if you're always looking for scraps of his love.
It really worries me what you said about him being sneaky with girls but not actually cheating on you. Not sure what you mean by him being sneaky. But cheating doesn't only mean that they had sex. As far as I'm concerned if a partner kisses another girl it is cheating.
Anyway, I hope everything goes well for you, and I wish the best of luck.

Answer 5

If you truly love this man do not separate because you both need to work on the relationship together inside of it. To many things can go wrong when you take this direction and allow things to enter in to make matters worse. Try marriage counseling together first and if you both find that this is the best choice with the direction of therapy for you then make that decision. You both are so confused about the relationship and need help to sort what is real about it and what is not! Don't fight all the issues you are both facing on your own. Take care and I wish you the best.

Answer 6

Don't even call it a trial, just call it over. It sounds very one sided from what you say and this so called "trial" is only a trial to you. For him it is just freedom to do what he really wants to do right now. His heart is not in it and this separation is not going to change that. You a hoping that this will cause him to miss you and force him to re-think his position. Problem is, he will only come back if it is the comfort and ease of your relationship he needs for a little while. He has been honest and said that he does not love you and he is only there for the children. Why not hear him when he says this and let him go for good. Stop putting yourself through this. He has left you several times, it is time to just call it what it is, over.

Answer 7

trial seperations never work, it only gives him the freedom to do what he wants while your sat at home with the children trying to figure out where the both of you are heading. seems to me that this is a very one sided relationship and the best thing you could do is walk away before you really hit rock bottom and are no use to your kids, they are the most important factor here and sometimes its better to have a happy mum than a depressed mum.

if you do decide to finish it work out access with there dad so that he still part of there life but not yours.

hope this helps.

Answer 8

Sorry to hear this i got with my husband in the simulate way to you got pregnant within the first 6 months of our relationship and moving in and got married the following year, i have been lucky we never gone with anyone else behind each other back, and we still happy married, but we have been through alot in the 9 years of our relationship. to be honest i think its time to let go and think of your kids, other wise you going to waste another 10 years of your life being with someone who doesn't really love you for you. You will find someone who will love only one in the future and this time don't rush.

Answer 9

i think that he will go his way and you yours. its not easy to have a marriage with no one really caring much its easier to get out and that is what will probably happen be prepared and get good lawyer and use it file first that is the choice you have and let him be served and get on with life.

Answer 10

If the separation is brief------ it could do good. Don't make it more than 6 months.