I have a serious problem, my husband of 14 yrs has been involved emotionally with a female at his job. I found him writing notes to her in the middle of the night & now that they no longer work together I can't get him to open up with me so that this situation can have the closure I need to move forward. The whole situation was extremely devasting as any of our close friends would openly admit they were envious of the closeness / relationship we shared. I just can't seem to get past it without knowing how this could have happened but he refuses to discuss it with me. Granted we had for the 1st time in our lives together been apart b/c of our jobs 5 days & nights outta 7 & we were recovering from our seemingly healthy 3 year old being diagnosed w/ AML. I was very emotional & in hindsight very withdrawn at times but if thats indeed "why" he felt the need to develop this inappropriate relationship, why can't he just say that? I try not to think about it all but I can't stop myself??????
2007-08-21 07:06:31 · 6 answers · asked by katie-2fish 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I've been in your shoes, Hurts...I'm sorry for you both, but especially you. I know that you think you really need to know, as did I, but to tell you the truth, it hurt me just as much if not more when I found out the details. So I guess you need to make sure your gonna be able to handle it. He definately owes you the talk, but maybe you need to give it some time and let him process it also.
Counselors can help bring out info, but I found that nothing worked better than timing and location. I took my wife to Lake Michigan, make a little bon fire, a bottle of wine, and casual conversation. Eventually if it feels right break into the topic slowly. May take several times to get all the info you want, but patience.
You know Sweety, it sounds like there was a lot of extenuating circumstances (not that that makes it ok), but if I was you I'd be satisfied with a promise it's not going to happen again. Also let him know that you can eventually forgive him....but also that you won't forget. The AML alone is is a hell of a hurdle in itself.
My best to you, and I hope all works out for you and especially for the little one, the one who needs both parents right now.
2007-08-21 07:40:03 · answer #1 · answered by Jay R 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well u have every right to feel this way after all he knows he is at fault there,im not an expert at this neither nor am i married but this man of yours need to open up and talk after all communication is the key to relationships
let him know how you feel say a prayer
and hope for the best
and move on
good luck
2007-08-21 14:18:16 · answer #2 · answered by treekgomon 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's never going to discuss it with you so you're going to have to do something different. I know you're not the one who did something wrong but I think counceling could help you come up with some ideas on how you want to handle the situation.
2007-08-21 14:14:35 · answer #3 · answered by Tasha 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You might try a professional third party, though it probably won't help unless he wants it to help.
Fact is, there's nothing you can do to to change his mind unless he's willing to have it changed.
2007-08-21 14:15:23 · answer #4 · answered by Jack P 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
its sound slike hes done and if he is there is ntohign you can do to get him back just pack up and leae him and get support for his money for the child that is most of what you can do.
2007-08-25 01:06:18 · answer #5 · answered by Tsunami 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2007-08-23 11:40:22 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋