I love my husband , but I'm not in love with him. He is a wonderful person and he would do anything for me. We have a good life together and are great friends. I am simply not physically attracted to him at all anymore. I am still very interested in sex, just not with him. I find myself attracted to other men all the time. I could never have an affair, but I think about it all the time. Lately there has been one person in particular that I fantasize about all the time. This is driving me crazy. I am so frustrated I feel like a volcano about to explode. Has anyone else dealt with this? Help!
2007-08-21 06:44:01 · 16 answers · asked by loulou 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
One of the two - your resolve or your desires - will have to give in. If I were to use my heart, I'd say go for it. You live only once. You deserve to have fun and enjoy every bit. If I were to think rationally, you know the answer. Use toys, masturbate, do whatever, don't yield to your temptations.
Sometimes talking to someone might help. IM/email me if you'd like to. Good luck.
2007-08-21 06:52:32 · answer #1 · answered by this_big_one_is_4u 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
In the same boat, kind of... For you to say you are not in love with him, there has to be more to it than simply not being attracted to him. Why aren't you in love with him anymore? You say you are great friends and he is a wonderful person.
I'm not in love with my husband either. But, it's more than not being physically attracted to him. He is a nice guy, but were I single now I would never go out with him. Just not all that much in common. I guess I'm not attracted to him on an emotional level either.
So how did I deal with it? Ignored it for many years, then wound up falling in love with someone else.
Didn't realize how much I missed love and passion and feeling connected to someone until I met this other person.
There are a lot of things counseling can help with, but if you aren't attracted to your spouse I don't know if they can help with that.
2007-08-21 07:24:54 · answer #2 · answered by candy'sroom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe it's called the 7 year itch...though sometimes it hits at year 20.
Everything is great then wham...one day you wake up and realize you're not so excited about this. It has nothing to do with being inlove (which atleast you ARE!) it has to do with your own libido saying 'wait, is there more out there'?
It really sucks, I know. But, it usually passes. It takes a while though....weeks, months, YEARS! Depends on how long you're willing to work on it and try to figure out ways to bring yourself back to him, or figure out what it is about him that has you so turned off.
You aren't alone in it, that's for sure.
Fantasies never hurt anyone. An affair is a crusher.
2007-08-21 06:58:30 · answer #3 · answered by TBS 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've experienced this. My marriage ended in divorce, and it was so weird, I ended up with the one I was fantasizing about.
What was even GREAT, was the fantasies were just as good as the fantasizing. lol
My marriage was a bad one though. alot of abuse. So I don't suggest running out to get divorced.
But having sex with someone who you aren't physically attracted to can really turn your stomach.
I dodn't know what to tell you honey, except good luck
2007-08-21 06:52:44 · answer #4 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Evidently at one time you were attracted to him, unless he was so good to you that you "thought" you could fall in love with him physically. Its a very important part of a marriage/relationship to find the other one physically attractive. Some people would disagree, but they aren't being honest with themselves...
2007-08-21 06:53:02 · answer #5 · answered by sunflowergal 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I felt that way about my now ex husband. But he assisted me in feeling that way because he treated me horribly. Were you ever attracted to your husband? Attraction fades in most cases.....don't think the grass will be greener elsewhere. Go to counseling and try to rekindle what you once had.
2007-08-21 07:12:40 · answer #6 · answered by theartisttwin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it sounds like it's time for a divorce. You should break it off and get the divorce whether you have kids or not. You need to be happy and have your needs met, so you have to do whatever it takes to make that happen.
2007-08-21 06:57:00 · answer #7 · answered by eviltruitt 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yep.. but i wasn't married.
Sound like you two need to call it quits.
If you are not in love with him then you need to tell him.
Pretty simple really.. you are just hanging on because its convenient.
Its time to be a big girl now and live life for real.
2007-08-21 06:49:45 · answer #8 · answered by .... 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you know its funny but sometimes the ones on the side look good but ifyou go there you may find something different. well if there is nothing there for you then its time to leave sometimes this happens in life and its not good to stay for eithe rof you. so good luck and leave and move on.
2007-08-24 18:04:29 · answer #9 · answered by Tsunami 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you dont give your husband sex.. hes gonna rezent you and be an angry guy... you need to let him know how you feel.. so he can hook up with a younger stripper and have a good time.. he probably thinks the same about you... hes not attracted to you anymore..
2007-08-21 07:03:17 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋