Please help me, I have been having a affair for almost 4 years. This is my first affair in my 30 year marriage. My husband has had then in the past and now I find out hes having another one , how can i confront him when Im doing the same thing . I love my husband but also love the other man. The other man is also married and has no plans on leaving his wife. I dont know what to do !
2007-08-21 06:27:21 · 23 answers · asked by bonitakay S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You can't fault your husband when you're in the same boat. You guys need to communicate. If you know your LOVER won't leave his spouse, you better sit quiet, cause you're the one getting ready to get hurt and left out in the cold. How do you feel about your hubby having a g/f?
2007-08-21 06:32:27 · answer #1 · answered by sunflowergal 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Its really pretty simple.
You and your husband really don't have a marriage anymore.
There really isn't any trust between you two. the only thing that exists is that you are living together and sharing the bill paying and health insurance.
So.. you need to decide what you want. Do you want complete freedom and responsiblity for your own bills, housing, insurnace? or do you want to continue as you are?
In either case you need to have a sitdown with hubby and come to an understanding. Once you have that you can move on.
You both know you are having affairs with someone else. You both know that it will continue because neither of you are getting what you want out of the marriage. You both know that when "the other" is exposed to their families that it will destroy their families.
So.. the only decision left is if you "go public" and ruin more families and if it makes sense to terminate your marriage.
I really don't see any hope in saving the marriage... the only decision is if you want to continue it for money/insurance/home or to just go it alone.
2007-08-21 13:36:10 · answer #2 · answered by .... 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you and your husband have both consented to living with his deceit, why should he mind finding out about yours?
I think everyone involved, your husband, the woman he is having an affair with, you and the married man you are having an affair with should all reexamine your values and your definition of love. The only innocent party it seems in this, is the other mans wife. You all need to be tested for STDs.
2007-08-21 13:36:22 · answer #3 · answered by jules 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
private p, did you even read her question all the way through? THE HUSBAND started all this!
honey, the first step is to end the affair you are having with the other man. stay clean for a couple of months and then confront him about it. tell him you KNOW what he's doing behind your back. Also, if this marriage is meant to last, he'll come clean and stay beside you after YOU come clean. (you need to, else it'll undermine the relationship.) if it's not meant to be, he'll leave you.
if you catch him having another affair, divorce his A$$ as soon as possible. who knows what sort of STD's he's picking up!!
2007-08-21 13:34:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
First of all, what are you doing with a man who has a history of cheating on you? Secondly, why would you cheat on a man you love so much you allow him to do that to you?
If the other man has no intention of leaving his wife, you need to honor both his and your marriage and stop that relationship immediately. You are both risking losing everything that is supposedly most important to you. Until you do that, you have no business confronting your husband with what he is doing. That's called hypocrisy.
2007-08-21 13:36:42 · answer #5 · answered by nimat33 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is the point in being married? I do not get this. Good grief. Maybe your husband found out about your affair and decided to start up another one. And you are ok with him having affairs??? I don't get it at all, you all really need to go to some counseling. Marriage and individual!!!
2007-08-21 13:34:31 · answer #6 · answered by Ginger 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You will soon be left with no one if you keep this up. The married man is never going to leave his wife, and if your husband finds out about your affair he will divorce you.
2007-08-21 13:33:55 · answer #7 · answered by Dan 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Get a divirce, and travel alone. You need to do some serious soul-searching, and get to the bottom of why you feel:
1) It's acceptable for your husband to have cheated in the past
2) It's okay for you to be cheating now
*With a married man*
3) It's, AGAIN, acceptable for your husnband to be cheating on you once again.
It sounds like you really need to be single and figure out what makes YOU happy in life, not just replacing unhappy relationships with other disfunctional, unhappy relationships.
Good luck.
2007-08-21 13:46:05 · answer #8 · answered by Gizzard 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
JUST STOP! Leave your lover. Tell your husband to leave his lover. Then just Chill. If you have been married for 30 years, you are at least in your late 40's. That is about the time people should be grown up and not acting like a Desperate House Wives or Grey's Anatomy episode.
2007-08-21 13:35:16 · answer #9 · answered by Willie J 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just sit back and watch as most cheaters do. While your entire world blows up in your face. Your husbands a cheat. Your a cheat. Your married boyfriend is a cheat. Crap, I'll bet his wife is cheating as well. Hell why don't you all just get a divorce now and do each other to your own twisted little hearts content?
2007-08-21 13:38:06 · answer #10 · answered by pappysgotitgoinon 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow, 4 years. I think you need to separate if he is also having affairs. You need to talk to him and tell him you know he is having an affair and so are you and work it out together what yall should do. You can't depend on the other married man for your happiness.
2007-08-21 13:32:54 · answer #11 · answered by travelgirl 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋