I'm absolutely miserable. I still love him, but miserable. We get along, so the kids dont see drama. He's a great dad (lousy husband...cheater, once that I know of) Since his affair he is trying to fix it and make it up to me, but I hate him becuase of that, or maybe its that i hate what he did to me, either way, i dont look at him in the same way i used to. taht innocence in our marriage is gone. because he made me live a lie for 6 months while he was doing what he was doing, i lost that 'something special' i had for him, somethin is definately gone now. so, i consider a divorce, and then i look at my kids and my heart breaks for them. can i really do that to them? I have 9 more years til my youngest is 18, and i'll only be 40. is it that unusual for people to stay for the kids sake? is it that bad that you make sacrifices for your kids, even if it means your unhappines?
2007-08-21 06:22:07 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would not give up without trying marriage counseling first, and when I say try, I mean really try to put things back together.
If that does not work, and you are still miserable, and you are sure there is no hope, then in my opinion you should call it quits and get divorced. I have never believed in "staying together for the sake of the children" ... the upshot of this is children who grow up learning how to have a crappy marriage and parents who live a life of misery. No one wins.
2007-08-21 11:12:04 · answer #1 · answered by Helen W. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I believe it's wrong to stay in a unhappy marriage for the kids sake. Children pick up on more than we give them credit for. I grew up in a house with a cheating father and even though they never said it out right, my brothers, sisters and I all knew. We may have not known at the time the real reasons for the tension but believe me "we Knew" something was definately wrong.
I am sorry that you are hurting. It hurts when the person we love dearly hurts and betrays our trust. I get the feeling that you do love him and wish things were different and by reading what you said, he is trying to erase his mistake and loves you too. Maybe, you two should consider marriage counseling. It will give you both the chance to air out your feelings and see if your marriage is worth saving. It will also give you insight as to what you really want and help you deal with the anger of betrayal and you get a chance to hear the answer to "What lead him to the decision of cheating?" and other questions that you may need him to answer. Then you can decide for yourself what is the best course of action for all who is involved.
2007-08-21 07:04:16 · answer #2 · answered by Atropabelladonna 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kids know things that you may not think they know.. they just pick up on stuff like that. If you are unhappy with your marriage and you feel like you will always be unhappy don't stay there that is unhealthy for you and your kids. If he's a great father to your kids now than he will be a great father when you are not together. You should set a good example for them by showing them a happy home. If you stay then you will only be miserable.
2007-08-21 08:09:33 · answer #3 · answered by ♥MyLife 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know alot of people that stay in there marriages because of there children, and then when there children turn 18 they still stay there. It is going ot hurt the child, but im sure they can sence that you guys are not getting along. Divorces hurt people but sometimes its the best thing to do. Even tho you two do not argue and fight in front of them they might still know. You have to do whats best for you. If your not happy you really shouldnt stay in your marriage. I tell all my friends that, that are in the same situation you are. Life is too short to be unhappy. And if you have caught him cheating once, its hard to do but face the fact that hes probley still doing it. Once a cheater always a cheater. Just because you caught him, hes not going to stop. He is just going to be more sly about it and hide it more. Good luck with everything !
2007-08-21 06:34:30 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't stay for the sake of the children.
You only live once, in most beliefs, but why would you want to stay and be miserable?
You have to learn to do things in life that are good for you.
This man may be trying to make up for a wrong doing, but who's to say he won't do it again.
I came from a family who did saty for the kids.............it still came to an end and many years of no love and affection where shown. Kids have to see love. If they don't see it in their own parents, I believe it can hamper their own future relationships.
IF your kids don't know about their great dad being unfaithful, you don't have to tell them, but you can let them know you just fell out of love.
2007-08-21 06:39:09 · answer #5 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The kids pick up more than you think... if you're unhappy, they will know. If it really is a dead end situation, you should do what will make you happy and be an example to the kids (especially daughters) that they are worth being treated with respect and to be with someone who will treat them right.
Try to work it out first with counseling, but if it's not going to work, don't tough it out for 9 years more. I hope you can work it out, and good luck.
2007-08-21 06:32:07 · answer #6 · answered by Jackie S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I completely understand what your saying all the way around but, i cry atleast twice a month because my mother never left him. (my biological father) I ended up abused in so many ways he used to be a good dad i used to call him daddy he used to be my hero but please dont mistake the words USED TO BE. He cheated and thats where it started, then even if they didn't show it, i could feel the difference as i'm sure you kids can to. because the way you look at him changed your probably completly diff & dont enev know it the next thing i did was choose sides. (my moms) Soon after late at night i hear them argue in thier room then one time real late at night i heard a smack and then i heard her scream soon nite after nite he'd cheat & lie & hit then he came to us if we'd try to stop the fist fight he'd just push or hit or throw us. thenas my brother grew he begun to hit me too. I am still trapped in hell and cant do a thing my mother is not my mother she is not the same she has completely changed. PLESE DONT PUT YOUR KIDS WHERE I HAVE BEEN OR WHERE I AM I KNOW IT'LL BE HARD IF U DIVORCE BUT, IT'LL BE EVEN HARDER TO STAY BESIDES HOW DO U HONESTLY KNOW IF HES BEING TRUTHFULL STILL???? I hope that throught my pain you find your way to the right desition for you.
2007-08-21 06:40:58 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes. I think you need to go to counseling to talk about your husband's affair. See if there is anyway to get that "something special" back. If you can't get it back you need to separate/divorce because I don't think you should have to live miserable for another 9 years.
2007-08-21 06:36:30 · answer #8 · answered by travelgirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there are alot of people that do that stay for the kdis but you shouldn't they know it even if you dont' say nothing its felt and theere is always something in the air. its not very good feeling and if one or both of you were free it would be best. then one owul dhave the kids and happy and the otehr wold be free to move on try it its best.
2007-08-24 18:02:18 · answer #9 · answered by Tsunami 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes
2007-08-21 06:30:07 · answer #10 · answered by pappysgotitgoinon 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋