We have a 3 week old and I am a stay at home mom, as any new parents know a newborn is a hand full. Its hard to keep up with the house and my baby during the day. I cook dinner every night and usually end up finishing the cleaning at the end of the night when I "go to bed"...which means I try to sleep in between getting up every two hours to feed the baby, burp him, change him and rock him to sleep. The problem in all this is that my husband seems to think that his only responsibility is to complete his 8 hour work day,come home and relax. Most days he takes a 2 hour or more nap when he gets home and then goes to bed fairly early. I could really use some help with our child at that time as I have to try and cook dinner. And the weekends are his self proclaimed "slacker time". Which means I continue to clean up after him and get up at night with the baby with little or no help from him. When I bring this up he tells me how hard his job is and that he would trade me any day. What to do??
2007-08-21 06:01:50 · 16 answers · asked by CalamityJane 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We did discuss how both of our responsibilities would change when the baby came, he said all the right things but when it comes time to put his money where his mouth is his selfishness wins out. He actually got pissy with me yesterday and said " I just want to do whatever I want to do".......Am I the only one that thinks that sounds like something a child would say?
2007-08-21 06:28:50 · update #1
yes a baby is a hand full and he should help you .try this he wants to trade places with you for one day do it one week end leave him with this baby and a list of things to do .and get up with the baby .now don,t give in . lets see if he thinks it is so easy huh .my daughter told off her husband he does the same thing won,t help with the kids at all .and i say this when she does he wakes up and well help her .3little ones he thought the same thing has your husband does .well she told him to he could just get out if she had to do it all .ha ya like he really going to leave her .he started helping some i guess better than nothing huh
2007-08-21 06:38:27 · answer #1 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You take him up on his offer. Trade him. You go get a full time job that supports all 3 of you and he can take over household duties and child rearing. To some degree I can understand your husbands position. It used to yank my chain when I'd walk in the door to be greeted with here is the baby I need a break. His day didn't just start either. On the other hand he does need to understand that slacker time is for adults who don't have kids. It's a compromise situation. Let him take an hour nap. Once he's been up for a bit then he can watch the baby and do some picking up while you're making dinner or he can make dinner while you play with the baby. Whatever works. Shared responsibility.
2007-08-21 13:10:56 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Put it like this. His job is 8 hours, 5 days a week. Your job is 24 hours, 7 days a week. How is that fair? Since you are a stay a home mom and have no income, tell him he either helps or you and the baby are gone, bluntly. Stay with family or a friend. Trust me... If he wants to be apart of this family he will make an effort to help, if not, then the decision is yours - You either continue putting up with it, or gain some will-power to leave. I know that is the last the you want to do, because you start to get family & friends involved, but this happens to a lot of other people and he just needs to be 'woken up'.
2007-08-21 13:10:01 · answer #3 · answered by Me 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you both should have gone over what was expected from eachother in regards to the baby...before you got pregnant. Now your only hope is to write a list of all the household chores and get him to pick which ones he can do to help you. Ask him why it is ok that he only works 8 hours a day and you are required to work 24/7 which is definately the case with a newborn. Kick his *** into highgear and if he's any sort of man he'll help you.
2007-08-21 13:11:42 · answer #4 · answered by Steven's Mommy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have already tried talking to him about it, then tell him you need a night off and just go SOMEWHERE by yourself for a couple hours and see how he handles it. Tell him you aren't sure he is aware of how much work you have 24/7. If this doesn't work, maybe you should try going to counseling. Before it is too late. This is just going to build inside you, and eventually you will explode. I am sure that there are some affective ways to show him how hard you work, and get across to him that you need some help. He can at least pick up after himself. I would just put that to a complete stop, he's a grown man and that is just ridiculous.
2007-08-21 13:25:18 · answer #5 · answered by Ginger 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No he wouldn't but he doesn't know that right now. (I know it because I've been on both sides of that responsibility see-saw). You may be able to make your life somewhat easier by cooking multiple meals at one time (say, Sunday evenings) then you've just got a "heat and eat" situation through the week. But, deeper still, you need to get him to realize what's actually involved with taking care of the house and a newborn, otherwise, your dynamics will remain unequal and overwhelming. Have him attempt to be "you" for one enitre weekend....that experience outght to do the trick. Make it fun; put a friendly bet on the outcome so he'll jump at the chance. I guarantee it'll be.....educational. Good luck.
2007-08-21 13:10:31 · answer #6 · answered by Captain S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take care of your baby and forget the housework for a week. When your husband is out of clean clothes, there are no clean dishes and the house is a mess, then tell him that you'll go back to work (keeping up with the house), when he takes care of his responsibilities with the baby he helped to create. If that doesn't work, quit being a stay-at-home-mom/maid-for-an-unappreciative-husband and go back to working a traditional job and put the baby in childcare.
2007-08-21 13:08:42 · answer #7 · answered by Loves the Ponies 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you and your husband really need to seek marriage counseling. he needs to realize what you go thru in a day and there is nothing wrong with him giving you a hand from time to time. he needs to let you have a "day off" and see how it feels to have to take care of a 3 week old, clean, cook...but it sounds like he may not help you there either. I would sugguest that you two seek help and if he will not go, then as soon as you are able or willing you need to find a job and start saving money to leave. sometimes it takes losing something to realize how important they are.
2007-08-21 13:09:36 · answer #8 · answered by Latino Heat 4ever 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make plans for Saturday or Sunday and leave the baby with him all day! Then see how happy he is to trade you! Quit spoiling him! Wake him up from his nap and MAKE him help you! Stop making dinner! Wake this boy (he's not acting like a man!) up to his responsibilities!!! MAKE HIM FEED THE BABY AND CHANGE THE BABY WHEN HE GETS HOME!!! OR MAKE HIM FIX DINNER FOR YOU!
2007-08-21 13:09:55 · answer #9 · answered by wish I were 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell him straight up & right away. Tell him how you feel & what you need. Tell him you need some slacker time -- and work out a schedule if you need to.
My sister had this happen to her. Once she talked to her husband things chilled out for her. He nows does bath time with baby -- that gives her about an hour in the evening to herself. And on the weekends - he makes a point of helping out more with household stuff & spending time with my nephew so that my sister can get in some "me" time.
"Me time" is important & if your husband doesn't know that - you must inform him.
"Ain't no one happy, unless mama is happy". :)
Good luck & give him hell!! ;)
2007-08-21 13:08:37 · answer #10 · answered by wildflowerblossom 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋