are you tired of getting made to feel inferior or like a bad mom??

Question

just a question for everyone - do the women that breastfeed tend to make you feel like you're not as good of a mommy if you cant?
i had issue with breastfeeding right from the start- a bad case of thrush, my son throwing up ALL the time and not gaining weight. turns out he was allergic to my breastmilk. so after only 4 wks of nursing i had to call it quits. i cried over this loss - i felt unable to provide for him. some of the answers from womem who are breastfeeding are so hurtful.
i understand that breast is usually best, but you dont have to make others feel bad about bottle feeding whether it be by circumstance or by choice.
i literally mourned the fact i couldnt breastfeed and wish i really could have but others who had the opportunity should never judge those who cannot. it makes me even more upset that i cannot.

i will try again with number 2 but a lot of the times, by the way breastfeeding women describe how superior their milk is to formula, it makes me feel like my son is missing out on something.

i have respect for those that breastfeed so please, have respect for those that simply cant.

Answer 1

No formula bashing from me. but...

who ever told you that baby was allergic to your breast milk was mistaken, baby was allergic to something in your diet that was in your breast milk. I am sorry that the doc didn't know that.

MD's only get 4 hours average of BF info in med school. with the next baby, please get any and all info about breastfeeding from a IBCLC lactation consultant or a La Leche League leader.

Answer 2

Yes, I understand where you're coming from. When I started going back to work about a month ago, I had to give my baby bottled formula because I couldn't produce much with a pump (I tried for an hour and only got 1/4 of an ounce....that's not even a full ounce, folks!). Even though I would rush home for lunch to nurse and rush back home after work to nurse, my baby eventually preferred the bottle (I just mourned about this on YA) over me. I've ordered herbal supplements, teas, and everything I could think of. I have 2 slings so I could breastfeed him when I was home on the weekends, even when I was running errands. But he still prefers the bottle.

The only other option is to quit my job and breastfeed constantly, and I'm sorry, but I don't have that luxury. I'm not an uneducated, welfare queen either. I went to a great 4 year college and I have a career. My son's health is important to me but I can't give up a stable home and job to breastfeed him.

When I read some of the comments on here from breastfeeding moms, I feel like a horrible mother, especially since my son developed a cold the other day. BFing moms are always bragging about how their children didn't get colds or ear infections. They make it seem like they're superior beings. It really hurts us mothers who really can't breastfeed all day long and I don't think they realize that.

We're all mothers and we should stick together and support each other no matter what. But apparently, some people don't see it that way.

Answer 3

Whether or not someone chooses to breastfeed is their decision and their decision alone. It's no one else's business how they feed their child. If the child is healthy, cared for and loved, that should be all that matters. Some mothers do not breastfeed because of medical reasons, some just simply choose not to. That's the mother's decision and no body has the right to put any one else down for the decisions they make. Some mothers are perfeclty able to breastfeed and choose not to. Oh well, that's their decision, leave them alone. The baby gets just as much nutrition from formula. I have a niece and nephew, twins, who are formula fed and have been since day one. The reason they are formula fed is no one's business, that's what their mother chose to do. They are perfectly healthy 8 month old babies and are developing above the "normal rate" of where they should be at 8 months.

I think people should mind their own business and let mothers feed their children the way they want to. As long as the child is getting fed and loved, there is no problem. Believe all you want about all the bad effects of formula and the good effects of breastmilk but until you can show me SCIENTIFIC RESEARCHED facts, that involve a study of more than 100 children, I don't want to hear it. All these studies you can find on the internet are from random "doctors" who have looked at such a small portion of both sides. You will find just as many sick breastfed babies as you do formula fed babies. Anything you find that says formula is bad, you should recheck...Look at the source...If you believe everything you read on the internet, then you've got a problem.

People should let others raise their children the way they want to!

Answer 4

Hi Erika,

I am sorry to hear that you were unable to breast feed. I would also be very saddened by that loss.. how did they determine the baby was allergic? Was it your milk or something you were eating?

I am a proud breastfeeding Mommy but I would never judge anyone that can't but those who just DONT do make me wonder. I also find it intresting that we never really here from the women who decided to not even try. What reason do they have?

As far as your baby missing out on something, as long as you were able to nurse for the first few days then he got the benefit of the colostrum which is the most important thing!

Answer 5

I am sorry you had such a tough time with breastfeeding. There is an excellent forum board for "mourning breastfeeding loss" here: http://www.pregnancy.org/bulletinboards/forumdisplay.php?f=635
As to the why some bf mamas try and make ff mamas feel bad. I don't know. I truly don't. But I have noticed on yahoo answers (even here answering this question) there is a mentality of how "bad" a mother you are by if you even tried breastfeeding or not. If you did - good for you. If you didn't - Bad mother. It's ridiculous.
I don't know if these mothers are trying to make themselves feel better about lacking something else in their lives, but it really has to stop.

Answer 6

I don't know! I try to ignore "breast thumpers" as I call them. I tried to breast feed my daughter, and it was the worst two months. We had problem after problem. So, in my opinion, going to formula was the best for us, because it aliviated the stress on her and I. I am pregnant with #2, and I plan on breast feeding for as long as possible - I am the breadwinner in the family and hubby stays home. I also am going to pump. Previously, the job I held didn't go with pumping very well! (I was a waitress and working on getting a degree, whereas now I work at a small office and have privacy and don't see people).

You have to make a decision to do what is right for you and your child. If a woman hates the idea of having her child attached to her boob, then there isn't any bonding, it isn't good for either of them. And then there are situations like yours. And you just never know when you see someone giving their child formula what their reasons were, and it isn't anyones business. That is what I hate, the condesending - judgemental tone from the get go, when they don't know what the situation is. We all just need to accept that everyone is different.

Good luck next time, I hope it works for you! And you are a great mom in doing what is right for your little one!

Answer 7

Amen sister, even my husband tries to make me feel bad about something I simply can't control. If we could get a real answer to a question about formula without a put down about not breastfeeding that would be nice.

funny you should say that WI MOM especially since you just slammed me in my question about parents choice formula. I nursed for 2 months until I started back to work at a restaurant where I can not pump and still continued to nurse until she refused me all together and could get nothing from pumping. So learn the reason why someone isn't nursing before you go telling them they are not feeding them the way "nature" intended.

Answer 8

Well it works for some and not for others my friend breastfeed her first baby until she was 9mons her second only 3mon because of the child not cause what she wanted she would have breast feed until they were 5 if they let her so don't feel bad do what works for you and your baby. I pumped most of the time cause my son he was really tiny and I wanted to make sure he was getting enough so maybe different techniques would work for # 2

Answer 9

Its the ones who can because they're not working, healthy, baby tolerates, etc and choose to not, who ruin it for everyone. Especially ones on aid, when my tax $ go to pay for Similac, when they could be feeding their baby for free, or even use generic.

The scientific facts are that it is better. But so's clean water, not smoking, lots of things, you just do the best you can, then your toys get recalled.

Answer 10

I agree with WI MOM. I breastfeed and Ido endorse it but there is a big difference between trying and being unsuccessful (amid several attempts) and choosing not to breastfeed because they do not want to be tied down.