Serious friendship problem...help?

Question

So,I'll tell it as shot as possible.The idea is,that I really care about my best friend (she's my best friend from twelve,now we're sixteen).I really care for her,but today she said that I must keep out of her bussiness (like telling parents she doesn't eat(she had anorexia),and so on.Nothing serious,I do not tell anybody her secrets/tell parents something I know I shouldn't.And she was like if you don't like me you don't need to have relationship with me.I'd also like to tell it's nor the first...or fourth time.She's really egoistic and pampered.But what can I do?BTW I have other friend she's not my best friend but she seems to always care for me,and we've been friends from eleven.So I wouldn't be alone if I lost that other friend.TELL ME what should I do?I just have no idea.She gotta understand I am not a toy she can trhow there and there and still have it! :(

Answer 1

Friendship is a two-way thing. If you have been friends for that long, she should trust your motives. The problem is, when people have illnesses, addictions, etc. They are very self-centered. They just want what they want no matter who it hurts. So, you need to make a decision. I know it is hard, and I understand loyalty and all, but really this is too much stress for you. I'd start hanging out more with your other friends. Let this one go...she needs a therapist more than a friend. Good luck.

Answer 2

I had a similar problem a few years back. My best friend of eight years was having a problem with her parents divorcing. She thought she had to get rid of me also to keep from being hurt. It took me a month to get through to her. I let her know that no matter what happened, I would always love her, and help her.

so to fix your problem i think you need to:

1) Inform her parents of her anorexia. It is extremely dangerous, and if she doesn't get professional help, you could be attending her funeral.

2) Let her know that you DO like her and want to be her friend.

3) She says "keep out of my business", but that can be a problem. Friends tell each other absolutely EVERYTHING! so if she says that, she may have something she's hiding and knows what-ever-it-is is wrong.

4) If she was a true friend, she wouldn't treat you like crap. Tell her this. Sometimes the snobbiest friends need a wake-up call.

5) And if you do lose that friend, like you said, you wouldn't be in a complete loss. You can start hanging out with her. If your friend gets jealous, you need to tell her why you would rather hang out with the other girl than her.

6) Discuss it with your parents. Sometimes parents can patch things where the adolecents can't.

7) maybe there's a reason she's acting like this. be a good friend by helping her. that's how i patched my relationship with my best friend.

8) talk to her face to face so she'll take you seriously. email and phone calls NEVER work... at least not completely.

that's all i have. i wish you the best.

Answer 3

Just relax a little bit. She may be having a knee-jerk reaction to your telling something she thought you shouldn't have, but I applaud you for telling about the anorexia because that is a potentially life-threatening condition and no friend stands idly by and watches someone they care about self-destruct. She may come around and realize you were looking out for her best interests or she may not, but in every way that matters she owes a portion of her survival to your intervention....nice job. You can't be in a friendship by yourself, and she may choose to pull away, at least for awhile (becuse it sounds like she's going through some things that are making her super defensive). That's okay, too. You've done all you can do. Just continue being the quality friend that you are, and let the chips fall where they may.

Answer 4

First of all...true friends do not keep secrets when someone is hurting themselves or hurting someone else. Your anorexic friend needs real help. Do you realize she is slowly killing herself? Telling her parents could save her life. Your friendship may be over, but eventually, she'll come around and realize that if you didn't care about her, you wouldn't have told her parents. Second, a real friend would not treat you like a doormat. Yes, occasionally a friend will do something to hurt you, but usually it is not done on purpose. In this relationship it looks like you are going to have to step up and be the mature one. Talk to her about how much it bother you to be treated badly, what she's doing and give her an ultimatum....either we are friends who care for, look after and stick up for each other, or we aren't friends. There are other people out there worth being friends with who won't walk all over you.

Answer 5

I do not feel that there is anything the matter with the girl;.If as you say she cares for you that is enough for a stable relationship. Obviously you also care for her but rather overmuch. You have floundered in reporting to her parents she doe not eat well. It may be she is like all modern girls who starve themselves for a cute figure.Since you disturbed her plangs by telling her parents her position must have become awkward. Hence her heated reaction.I am sure this is not the only incident and that you might have(of course with good intention) interfered in her other similar initiatives and when she snubbed you you are saying that she is a proud girl. If you really like her change your course completely.Keep company with her but do not try to impose yourself and your thoughts on her.She is peeved with you and as you did not take the hints she has told you pointblank.Not that shemay have done it happily but rather in desperation. There wa nothing wrong with in thinking that a friend so old would know her 'idiosyncracies'.

Best of luck.

Answer 6

Shes angry, and she needs someone to hurt. You are the target. Dont stop being friends with her. Dont push the issue but be there if she needs you. Understand? I have been bf with someone since we were 13. We are both 34 now. You arent always going to agree or get along. And there have been times that we have been really angry at one another and have not spoken for long periods of time but if we need each other all else is forgotten. If she really doesnt want your friendship, dont push the issue. You are going to have alot of people in and out of your life, some remain true and some dont. I wish you luck and hope that this helped you some.

Answer 7

The reason you tell is because you care and she doesn't understand that you are caring for her and trying to take care of her. But I know that anorexia is a problem, but maybe you have to stand back and leave her alone. yes it's a problem but the only one that can fix it is her and if she doesn't want help then she will have to find out the hard way or have her parents step in.

Answer 8

Even though you've known each other for a long time, people can and do grow apart. And maybe thats what happening now. But if she has a disorder as serious as anorexia then you should definately tell someone. If she stays mad at you for telling thats OK...just know that you may have saved her life. It can be tough when best friends grow apart. But if you have other friends, you'll be fine.

Answer 9

If she is anorexic, that IS a serious problem and her parents do need to be told. ALWAYS tell her parents her secrets if they are: Anorexia, threatened to commit suicide, cuts herself, bulimea, threatening to harm someone else with deadly force, ect. She may hate you for it, but it is for her protection that her parents are told when things like these come up. That is what being a true friend is all about, keeping your friend safe.

Answer 10

well do what u think is best for her if its a really bad thing that its happening then do somethin so u said she doesnt eat if u think that would b the worst thing she thats happening to her then tell her parents she might not think of u as a friend for it at the time but sooner or later she will realize that u were doing the right thing im me or email me or somethin i could try to help u more