what is the best way to confront the girl that your significant other admitted to cheating with?

Question

obviously i want nothing more than to clean the street with her face, but that really wont solve anything or erase the past. but i feel like that if i dont approach her, i am letting her walk all over me. but is there even a point in confronting her? i seriously doubt that she cares that i was hurt. any advice?

i do know who she is, however, we were never friends. she did know about me. i'm not saying that he isnt at fault, i know he is. but we are trying to work on that and move past this. but where i come from, you dont let someone get away with that, i know some people who would have beat her a** everyday. but thats not me. i want things to go away, but i feel like she will think i'm a fool for not doing anything. i know that being calm is the best way to handle this, i'm just unsure about what to say.

Answer 1

Write to her and get rid of him.

Answer 2

Yeah, she doesn't give a rats. Or maybe she didn't know about you in the first place and feels like a fool for letting your boyfriend talk her into a stupid mistake. No, it's probably that she doesn't give a rats.

I know, I'm being a little facetious, but you don't know where this girl is coming from, how your boyfriend hooked up with her. She could be a wanton floozy, or an unwilling victim. I understand your need to rectify your pain and betrayal, but honestly, at this point, what's that got to do with the girl? I mean, you weren't dating HER. I will never for the life of me understand why women target the "other woman" rather than put the blame and anger where it rightfully belongs--with YOUR CHEATIN' *** BOYFRIEND. He's the one who created this whole mess, made an otherwise "innocent" third party subject to your thoughts of revenge and basically screwed up what may have been a pretty decent relationship (or maybe not, if he's cheating).

Then again, where's YOUR blame in all of this, as well? That's right; you didn't do a thing to make your boyfriend cheat on you. Everything was honky-dory "just before" you found out he was getting his boots polished by some other anonymous chick. Yeah, whatever.

Relationships don't just deteriorate on their own. Men do cheat, and while there doesn't have to be a particular motive (some dudes just like to play around--not that that's a good thing), the women who are with them generally know when things aren't going well. It's up to the both of you to make sure everything is kosher in your romance. Or some other girl will step right in and help put a band-aid on whatever problem exists.

Whether or not the other girl knew or didn't know about your relationship is beside the point. Your boyfriend DID, and he's the one responsible for making you feel insecure and angry, "like someone's walking all over you" because it's him who's doing it. No one, wanton floozy or unwilling victim, can screw up your relationship by sleeping with your boyfriend unless HE'S the one creating that opportunity for her. So if any street cleaning needs to be done, make sure it's his mug scraping the pavement.

And leave the girl alone. Why add an assault charge to your already serious troubles?

Answer 3

While that would be a normal response to get back at her in some way, you won't. She will probably give you rude answers or not even pay attention to you. You'll come out looking like an idiot, because she does not care about your feelings now anymore than she did then. She isn't going to feel bad.
Think about it, if she knew about you, here is a woman who was willing to sleep with a guy who was already with someone. She has no morals or self-worth. You screaming at her will have no affect.
Best for you to let it go or it'll just make you madder. You should be more mad at your hubby. He was the one who walked all over you. You can't hold onto the anger though cause then you are still giving this other woman power over you and how you feel. Make a conscience choice to be happy today and not let her or him control you. That isn't letting them win, it's letting you win.

Answer 4

While my more primal emotions say beat that *****'s ***, I will say I think that you are a lady for not handling that way. I would confront her *** though because she did know about you. In my situation the girl didn't know I existed, I still called her *** at work and laid into her until the point where she had to go take a break and wait for me to call her back, She didn't want her boss or coworkers to know what was going on. Sometimes I do wish I had beat the sh-- out of her. You don't mess with someone else man, husband, boyfriend or fiance, because you don't know if his woman, wife, girlfriend will find out. I don't even need to say about what you need to do about him only you know if you want to take a chance and stay in a relationship where cheating has already happened. I do know most of the time they do it again It is a pattern for most cheaters. I KNOW FROM EXPERIENCE....

Answer 5

Don't confront her. You will only make things worse for yourself; especially if you are unsure of how to deal with it.

Besides, it's not about her. It's about you. It was about him, you, and your relationship. As for him, he has no integrity and so he's not good enough for you. He would have cheated with anyone. His actions destroyed your relationship, so as sad as it may be, there really isn't anything there to work on, either. What's left is you.
Don't worry about him and don't worry about her; worry about YOU. What do you need right now in your life? Take time to take care of yourself. You have been hurt, but your life is not over. Youv'e been mistreated but that does not mean that you are a doormat. Come out of this experience stronger and a better person than before. The others do not have your sense of integrity and do not share your values and interests. Forget them. Focus on you. At least for now.

Take care.

Good luck.

Answer 6

I can understand your anger towards this girl but it's not really her fault. Fault your significant other for bringing this person into your relationship. He has the power to say"no", and he didn't. It takes two to have a relationship/affair, so I think your anger is directed at the wrong person. When things like this happens in relationships it undermines the trust and creates insecurities. If your significant is truly sorry for what he has done, he would be making every effort possible to help you get past these feelings so you can move ahead with your relationship.

Answer 7

It's your pride talking. Not constructively, either.
If she knows that you are his 'significant other' then she knows he's not married.
If he's not married, he's up for grabs.
For many women, if he's married, he's up for grabs, too - but marriage implies a commitment and sharing of goals and responsibilities between two people - not among three adults, two of whom are being served sexually by the same guy.
So he's unmarried and fair game in her mind.
Your pride is offended by this. Isn't your pride offended by other things in this relationship you have with this 'significant other'?
Just relax. Being someone's girlfriend is a rocky road all right. You'll get used to the bumps.
Being married is no less rocky but there is that commitment thing, that legal thing, that responsibility thing, that whole looming 'prospect of divorce' thing. In the case of having a girlfriend, the guy can just walk away.
So no, there's not confrontation necessary. Unless you are willing to meet her on the street with a quarter in your hand and say, 'Wanna flip for him?'

Answer 8

You are right that cleaning the street with her face won't solve anything. Nevertheless, I think you should approach her. It is how you approach her that will make all the difference.

When my ex-husband told me he'd slept with my dear friend (or alleged dear friend anyway). I rang her up.

I told her what my husband said, and I asked her if it was true? And she said yes. I told her that I was shocked and disappointed in her, and I felt hurt and humiliated, and I really thought she would never do such a thing.

I remained calm and nice throughout the whole conversation. And, because I was calm, it made her feel like I was actually cleaning the street with her face.

I think by being nice to her, I made her feel a damn sight worse. She cried hysterically, cursed herself, and apologised over and over. If I would have given her a mouthfull, she would have retaliated, and felt justified in sleeping with my husband - all without any hint of an apology.

My point is......definitely confront her, but keep cool at all times, and the old adage 'love your enemies and it will be like heaping burning coals on their head' was definitely true in my case.

All the best xxx

Answer 9

she could care less about your feelings, she had an agenda and that was to steal your man. why confront her, all she will do is laugh at u and hurt your self worth more than it is already hurt. maintain your dignity, do what u need to do here, and dump him and move on dear. revenge will get u know where at all, she did hurt u and does deserve to be slapped but not by u. keep far away from this woman out of harms way. as long as u dwell on what was done to u u will never begin the healing process. just be glad u got to know him and now know how it is, your actually the smart one here, distance yourself from these two people, by confronting her your just going to cause a knock down drag out fight where it might be u who gets taken to jail, why chance it, just turn the other cheek even if your dying inside.

Answer 10

Been there done that and if I could do it over again, I never would have talked to her.

EVERY word that comes out of her mouth will hurt (all over again) like a slap to the face.

She will more than likely lie to you, she will fill your head with all the intimate details (do you REALLY want to hear those?)

You maybe expecting her to apologize, and she more than likely will not. How will that make you feel if she shows NO emotion? And she probably wont, cuz she aint the one hurting.

Do you really want to hear her tell you everything your man said to her, all the cute little moments they had, any love he might have professed to her, anything negative he might have told her about you?

I know its tempting and its eating you up inside, but honey, sometimes ignorance is bliss. She dont care about you, she never did and she never will.

Dont let her think she has any more power over you. Dont let her think that she is keeping you awake at night, cuz I guarentee you that she is not loosing any sleep over you.

Let it go and direct your anger and questions at your man. HE hurt you, HE went outside the relationship, SHE didnt.

I'm just speaking from experience and its a road I wish I never would have went down.

Answer 11

I am sure that cleaning the street with her face would make you feel better, but only for a while. Obviously she couldn't care less about your feelings so why give her the satisfaction of a confrontation? It is over and done and in the past and that is where it should remain.