How do find joy in life again after someone close to you dies?

Question

After watching my friend of 16 years die of cancer about 1 1/2 years ago at 38 years of age I find that life just doesn't make sense. I believe we all die when God intends us to die and there's no getting around that. All the talk people have of if only_______ had happened so and so wouldn't be dead to me is ridiculous.
However, since she died I have started to feel like we are just like a bunch of candles, The wind constantly blows and poof we're gone. Currently, I don't find the idea that we're going someplace else comforting. I hate watching CSI or any show that depicts and glorifies death. 80% of the shows we have on TV center around death and finding the "killer". I would like to be joyful again and enjoy life. I can't seem to find my way there. Sometimes I feel like I am just going through the motions.

Answer 1

You're still grieving. It makes sense. You'll get back there. Try to find one thing every day to smile about. Watch a funny movie. Go see some live comedy. Let yourself laugh and live again. Eventually you'll start to remember what life was like before your friend died and you'll be able to embrace the good things again. Hang in there.

Answer 2

Live life to the fullest. It is the way how to be happy. The death or loss of a person close to you is always painful. But it should not be the reason to make your life to be sad and miserable forever. Look around and accept the very fact that people come and go-their lives begins and ends. This world may not be getting smaller but there are many things that you need to explore outside. There are many reasons why we should be happy in life. Take a look at child's pure and innocent smile. Have you seen the father's joy of his first born? Or have you seen the thankful farmer enjoying the first drop of rain after a long drought? Even the singing of birds, the rustle of the leaves, the cool breeze touching your bare skin or the first break of dawn are natural reasons for you to be joyful with. Have you shared your bounty to a beggar and see him enjoy his meal? A happy puppy wagging his tail to meet his owner can make the owner happy too. Can a cool drink satisfy your thirst? I guess so. There are many things out there created by God to make you happy. Be happy my friend and be thankful to God!

Answer 3

Welcome to the proverbial reality check. In death , we are all treated the same, rich or poor. Dying is something nobody wants to do.. but is a fact of life. Candles in the wind, yes we are, poof , you`re gone, right again. To get through this, you need to live your life as though each day was your last. Don`t procrastinate, this leads to unfinished business when the reaper comes calling. Think of it this way: when you take your last breath , will you be able to say that you have done everything that you could in life?Don`t put off to tomorrow what you can do today, and do it right now!Live in the now, one day at a time, 1 minute at a time, even 1 second at a time if need be.Your friend would want you to be happy, so do her the justice and at least try! Your last comment, watch for signs of depression, been there, done that, going through the motions means you need a break in your routine..it`s your life, go out there and live it!!

Answer 4

That is awful. I am truly and sincerely sorry for your loss, that must have been terrible for you to witness. Maybe you can research some support groups. Do you live near a major city? Maybe you can google Friends In Deed. I'm not sure if they're only in New York, you can find that out, but they're a support group which helps people with disease and people who are close to other people who are affected by disease (it's mainly AIDS, but everyone is welcome).

Other than that, maybe going to a therapist or a counselor can help you out. Or maybe you can do some volunteer work. Help clean up and beautify a park in your area. You'll be bringing about new life (flowers, trees, etc.), you'll be doing something positive for your community, and you may find a friend or two in the group of volunteers.

Answer 5

I lost my mother and best friend just 5 and 1/2 months ago, and I went through what you are going through right now. You are grieving for your loss; this is normal. Reflection on your own life and life in general is also normal. Here are a few things to keep in mind that may help.

1. Your friends suffering is at an end. She is at peace and free from pain.

2. Your friend would want you to be happy and enjoy life, not sad and brooding.

3. Life is what you make of it. Make the most of it.

GL

Answer 6

Went through something similar... It's been almost 6 years, and it's tough. But, the phrase Carpe Diem comes to mind as being the best. Live everyday as if it's your last, enjoy the moment. I know it's cheesy, but do actually stop sometime and smell a rose.

As far as the TV thing goes... I'm right there with you. In fact, it's kind of the reason why I became a chef. I started watching Food Network (no violence and death on there...) and became interested in cooking. Also, I like watching Sitcoms... 30 minutes of "turn your brain off" fun.

Time mends all wounds, especially those of the heart. Dogs help too. I got one 4 years ago, and now I can't imagine life without him. He really is my best friend, cute too.

Answer 7

first let me tell you i am sorry you have to go through this pain. I know how you feel i am going through the same emotions my son died last year at age 11 , He was too Young to die , I even started to hate god for taking my son too soon, Its really hard to find good in life after someone you love dies, I don't watch any T.V. or movies that involve death either . The pain and memories will never go away. try to think of all the good times you two had and her smile and laughter.... I still cry every night when i think of my son, I miss him a lot(starting to cry now) but during the day i try to stay busy mainly because i still have two beautiful little girls to raise. I hope I helped , again i am sorry( there is nothing anyone can say or do to make the pain go away...just take it day by day and NEVER FORGET HER!!!)

Answer 8

My dear, you can, and will, find joy in life again. It just takes some people longer than others to "get through" the death of a loved one. I have lost a few loved ones in my life, including two sisters, my husband and father. At first it does feel as if all the joy and happiness has been sucked out of you, but you just have to take it one day at a time, and slowly you will feel some happiness creeping back, (sometimes against your will!) because were created to be happy, and unfortunately, death comes to us all sooner or later. Try to think of your friend as being realeased from the pain now. It is not so much the death of our loved ones that we should feel sorrow for, but the pain and suffering they endured before they were released. I do hope you can soon come to terms with your feelings and your sorrow. God Bless.

Answer 9

You are still hurting quite a bit because you are used to what life was like when your friend was alive. Everything will remind you of her for a while. Try to remember the good times that you had. Talk to someone about it. Try not to be alone. Say things out loud that you would say to her if she were still here. Keep her with you always. It is difficult to lose someone you love and care about and imagine life without them. I often question myself why I was the last person that saw my mother before she committed suicide. I blamed myself many times, but then I realize, her purpose on life here had been fulfilled and I am forever stronger because of it. It is hard to cope with at first, but you will find that your greatest strength will come from other friends. If need be see a therapist. It couldn't hurt. May God bless you and keep you always.

Answer 10

I know how you feel. I lost my mom about a year and a half ago to heart disease. Losing her was horrible and feels like it was almost more than I can stand.

However, like you, I believe that we die when the journey that we chose here is over. I don't believe that we die actually - just that we go home. That doesn't make losing someone easier though.

I still have days when I can't find any joy in life, but those days are getting fewer and farther between. Some things have helped and I'll list those:

1. Prayer - Pray for peace, comfort and healing for yourself. It really has made a difference for me.

2. You obviously believe that life goes on since you believe in God, so ask God AND your friend for a sign that they are alive and are still aware of your life here. Ask for something specific so you will KNOW when you get it. I've done this numerous times and have had my sign come through.

3. Keep a journal for your friend. Write them letters in it, just vent to them like you probably did while they were still here. Also, I like to keep 'dream visits' in mine. I have had 2 dreams of my mom since she passed that I KNOW were actual visits - not like a dream at all. I have those written down and go back and reread when I feel in doubt. Every time I re-read them, I am reminded how real that experience was and that it wasn't just wishful thinking on my part.

Good luck to you. I know it's so very, very hard. Look more closely at the 'spritual' world and see how close it actually is to ours. Sometimes I'm in awe when I think about how much more ALIVE they are now than we will ever get to be here.

Love and light to you.
J.

Answer 11

Death is a part of life.
She is in a better place. She is with God and having a great time. No pain, just peace and happiness. She served her purpose here. She touched your life and others. She leaves it now to those she touched. Learn from her medical pain and reach out to those that are suffering. Give back. Comfort someone else. You were left with a blessing. You understand the battle and the loss she struggled with. You can pass that on to someone else that is suffering.
When we are depressed, for what ever reason, we find ourselves thinking only of ourself. When we are distracted by thinking of others, and helping others, we forget why we were depressed, if even for a moment. Good luck. It's o.k. to miss her. Just do it constructivley...she would want that!