Is it wrong?

Question

I have a hard time in relationships, I have trust issues. The way I see life is that I don't go around trusting everyone, and I always know that somehow/someway I am going to be let down, and that way I dont get disappointed by telling myself this from the beginning. I dont believe that marriage is for me because I like my freedom, I can be an introvert at times and just want my own down time and be alone and in a marriage the partner can be upset if u keep distance. I dont believe that happiness=marriage, and I do believe that some people get married bc thats how they were taught at a young age. I do love children and would love to have a couple of my own. The only problem is, is it healthy to have children if your not married or dont plan on to be (but in a committed relationship)? Would it have any future effects on the children?

Answer 1

You can't have children for the same reason you said you don't want to get married. You like your own down time, can't have that with kids. An adult spouse can fuction while you are in down time, kids can't. Other than that I agree with all else you said. To each his own...

Answer 2

what bring on this trust issues that you have with people? Well, if you don't believe in marriage don't get married, that is plain and simple. Being an introvert at times can cause a lot of undue hardship in marriage or relationship. If you like your freedom and down time, you need to re-think about having children. Because kids need attention, someone to care for, do things with and etc. You have kids because you want them and can afford to take care of them. It's great to have someone wants (man) kids too, this way you both can share bring them up together. The effect on the children, that is a 50/50 call. As long you're happy with what you want and find someone have the tolerance dealing with you being distance at time (hope is not a long period) , you will be fine. good luck

Answer 3

Marriage is a union between two people, a ceremony to prove that two people are completely committed to each other. Can you have kids and not be married? Sure you can. People do it all the time. As long as the kids know that you are a happy together and aren't going anywhere, I don't think that there are any long term effects. You just have a to have a relationship that is not open. The only thing about that is that some guys don't think it is cheating if you are only boyfriend and girlfriend... Guys tend to take marriage more seriously most of the time.

Answer 4

Might be healthy for you, but not sure for the kids.
Other kids can be very mean & I am sure you wouldn't want your kids to have low self-esteem or to be called names because they only have 1 parent.
As far as trust goes the only one you can trust is yourself. Everyone will disappoint you at some time, even your own kids, but that does not mean you can't marry someone because of trust issues. How can you work on them if you don't give someone or yourself a chance.
You can still have freedom when you are married. He is still going to want to do things with out you to. Besides it will give you a chance to miss each other.
Happiness does not mean marriage.
Happiness is what you make it.

Answer 5

You don't have to be married to be happy. You get married because you are with someone that you never want to be away from, someone that you love and want a committed relationship with. You can still be married and have down time. Peolple need time for themselves. Different people need different amounts of time. Having trust issues becasue of past betrayals and issues are very destructive in your life. I have let that hurt me in my life as well. Sometimes we just have to take a chance and open our hearts and love freely. Having kids without a husband will be hard for you. I am a single dad with 2 kids of 9 & 12 years old. I still have there mom that shares the responsibility of raising them. It is still very hard. It is always best if you are in a loving, healthy relationship with the person you love before having kids.

Answer 6

children were meant to be part of a complete family, and that includes a marraige...I think if you look hard enough...you will find a man that won't mind if you are an introvert, and want some alone/down time at times...really! =) Now, you can adopt children... even if you are single... that's an option...but, giving birth was meant to happen in a marraige. It's easier though if you have a partner to share the children with. Sure, some can be upset if you want alone time, but, if you find the right man, he won't mind if you want to go read a book for hours, and he won't cheat while waiting for you =) good luck! =)

Answer 7

You are doing the right thing by not just trusting anyone. But not even giving anyone a chance even if they prove themselves, that might be a problem, And having sex without being married is wrong in GOD's eyes, Also having children and not being together with the father could have an effect on your kids, It had a big effect on me.

Answer 8

Lots of people are in the same situation - not so many people have taken that road yet so it's unchartered territory. Just know that if you have children outside of a committed relationship your children are likely (but not guarunteed) to do the same and it can be hard work on your own (but I know people who call their husbands their extra children so it's not necessarily an issue!!)

Answer 9

I don't think it should cause problems - as long as they have two loving parents. But, you have to remember that the children will more than likely have a different last name then you, which many single parent families have, so there really isn't much difference. One plus of marriage is the tax benefits.

Answer 10

you can have kids without marriage, but plan ahead and wait until you are older it will help. The trust thing? you must realize that you cannot tell someone what to do. They will find a way if they want. So you have to remember this. "What they do does not reflect on me"