Married 12.5 years. She had 1 dog when we met. Discovered after marriage she was a "collector" of unwanted items. She has amassed 5 dogs, 1 monkey, and now a cat. She has filled the basement, attic, storage area above the garage, every closet, 2 of the 4 bedrooms and now its starting in the garage.
She claims I am bipolar due to my moods, go figure when Im home I'm moody. I work on the road, it sucks to come home to dog waste, damage, and a monkey that screams, bites, and stinks. Now add a litter box to the mix. She filed, stating that I need to be medicated for mental problems. Is this my problem??
2007-08-21 03:08:06 · 32 answers · asked by gearset01 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you are married and in a good relationship then you should both have a say about pets, animals, and everything else that becomes part of the life that you share together. Animals give unconditional love and some people choose that over the love of a person because a person's love is not perfect. If you do work on the road and are gone a lot then it is safe to say that your wife uses these animals as a substitute for your attention. Try being around her more but If the pets are ruining your home and your marriage then I would say it is time for her to choose. The monkey has to go... that is just bizarre as a pet... Unless you live on 5 acres in a rural setting, the 5 dogs are too much as well... 2 dogs and I cat I could accept.... but she better keep the litter clean. I sympathize with you dude but you need to have a voice in all of this. If your wife won't respect you enough to value your input I would move out until she welcomed some changes. Good Luck.
2007-08-21 03:21:04 · answer #1 · answered by No More 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are used to solitude and the ambiance you choose. When you come home your senses are overloaded, of course you are going to react. But is it your wife you want to get away from, or her personal tastes? Have you tried to explain, when not in an argument, about how you feel? Tried writing her a letter? If you love her, this is never something that comes along often. If I were in your shoes, I would hope I would try everything possible first, that is if you love her. It may be that she is simply compensating for the long hours of being alone, and knows no other way. Get a therapist if you must to get tools to communicate, not to simply get your point of view heard. This isn't about winning an argument, this is about saving the life of a relationship. Would you rather be right, or would you rather be happy? Communication is the best solution to this I think. Would it suck more to come home to a place that isn't really home because she is no longer there? If you're gone enough, is it possible to rent a small place, even a hotel room to spend your time off with your wife? If you two want to be together, there must be a compromise somewhere. Good Luck to you both.
Blessed Be
2007-08-21 03:18:47 · answer #2 · answered by Linda B 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's your problem to the extent that you have to put up with it; what you really are asking is, is this your fault. I don't see how. You very well may be bi-polar, but a monkey running amok in the house will make even the most centered person exhibit some moodiness especially if you're not that into animals (and I am certainly not). If all you needed was validation on that point, consider yourself "validated". I never like to cheer for divorce (even when it seems necessary), but I recognize as you do that the peripheral problems are about to go away on their own as a result of your dissolution.
2007-08-21 03:23:23 · answer #3 · answered by Captain S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would ask her if she can't find a good home somewhere for most of the animals and compromise with her keeping a couple of dogs of something I am a huge animal lover and try to rescue any animal I see but I bring them home and if there hurt I get them well and take them to a animal shelter if it comes down to it I try my best to find a great home first by running ads on iwanna.com or local newspapers there is a place in lincolnton, nc that will take in the animals and keep them as long as it takes to find a home they never put them to sleep. maybe they have a place like that around where you live I would talk to her and see if she's willing to work with you that she just has to much and your tired of the house being nasty and just compremise with her if that don't work the tell her your leaving hope this helps and good luck!!!
2007-08-21 03:27:59 · answer #4 · answered by mxwife38 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, I would be so pissed to come home to that. sounds like she has OCD and she is the one that needs to be medicated. Take pictures of everything and show during the divorce. Tell judge thats why you were so moody. Doubt Your Honor would disagree. Might even have someone swing by the house and take the animals away.
Make sure you she doesnt get what is yours.Have a good lawyer.
2007-08-21 03:15:09 · answer #5 · answered by Pandora 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you mentioned that you work on the road a lot. She may be consuming all these things because she is trying to fill the void of you not being around. In my opinion I think she is trying to fill some void in her life. Did you guys try marriage counseling before deciding on the divorce? I don't think it's solely your problem, it is something you both need to work on IF you want the marriage to work. Good Luck!
2007-08-21 03:14:29 · answer #6 · answered by lisa9479 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are getting divorced, then BOTH of you are wrong in your thinking.
Too many little variables to say "who's" problem it is. It's both at fault, and both at responsibility to make your marriage work.
However, if she is filing for divorce, what good is it to know if it's your problem or hers. What will that solve for you? To feel better knowing that you were'nt crazy?
Rather than finding someone to take your side and make you feel better, seeking pro help for both, and do everything YOU can to make the marraige work. Get your focus off of you, and onto what will make your spouse feel loved.
Other than that, it won't work if she doesn't want it to, but you do. You can only do so much all alone.
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2007-08-21 03:15:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well im not a huge advocate for divorce unless someone has been unfaithful in the relationship, but this is a serious situation. do you love her? do you want to try and find a compromise? or do you just want to forget it all and leave her alone? however you definitely dont have mental problems because i would not be able to stand it i would have seperated a long time ago. i think shes being unfair about your feelings.
2007-08-21 03:14:38 · answer #8 · answered by mokona 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She has some serious issues. Take photos and video of everything in that house and then get out of there and get your own place. This is not your problem in any way. I would also stop depositing any of your money into a joint account and close out any joint accounts that you have. With the pics and video you have that plays into your favor and against her mental status. She is trying to get a quick divorce on the grounds of mental cruelity, it sounds to me, however, I would counter file on her mental status.
2007-08-21 03:13:43 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I do not think you need mental help I believe she May need a Mental institution I thought there were limits on how many pets one can have in a town and a monkey is against the law. have her committed.
2007-08-21 03:13:18 · answer #10 · answered by richvh5752 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋