My boyfriend and I were having alot of fights and barely speaking to eachother for months. I took a vacation on my own this summer and coincedently met up with my ex-husband. To make a long story short we had a nice time and ended up in bed together.
When I returned home I was determined to end our relationship because of this,but we talked and decided to work on our relationship and now everything is going great. Except I feel REALLy teribble about what happened. I cry myself to sleep when I think of what I did to him/us. I want to confess but I know it's going to crush him. He has been so happy since things started working out . It just hurts to think about how he will feel/act. I know I wasnt thinking of his feelings then I was really mad at him at it was kind of nice and familiar to be with my ex (which has now ended ofcourse) But now I dont know what to do!!!
2007-08-21 02:31:34 · 36 answers · asked by ally 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am going to go against general opinion here and suggest you do not tell your boyfriend. You were both going through a very tough time and were planning on splitting with him - so had moved on, mentally and physically. You had a nice time in bed and were about to embrace single life. However, you and your boyfriend got back together and since then, you have both been extremely happy. The only reason you want to tell him is to absolve some of the guilt you are feeling - but it's only going to make him feel devastated - and how long has it been since this all happened? - the longer it's been, the worse he will feel. I suggest you have some counselling to sort out your guilt, but I think you should forgive yourself - it wasn't like you slept with the guy out of spite, as I said, you had genuinely moved on emotionally - just because it's now sorted doesn't mean you did the wrong thing. Forgive yourself and enjoy the relationship you have now. Good luck hon.
2007-08-21 02:51:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
You might find it easier to move forward if you admit to your boyfriend what happened and deal with the situation now. The truth always comes out sooner or later, so why not go ahead and face it now instead of worrying about what may happen if (or more like when) he finds out from another source. How would you feel if he did this to you? Without honesty and trust in a relationship, you have nothing. If he chooses not to continue the relationship after learning the truth, you may just have to accept that. But give him the chance to make a choice... if he chooses to forgive you and try to work out the relationship, then the two of you can move forward together, without the strain of a lie coming between you. Good luck!
2007-08-21 02:45:29 · answer #2 · answered by baguzman_1 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi
What you've done, is positioned your two little buns on the horns of a dilemma. I think you know this. Also, your boyfriend is bound to find out, even though you broke it off with your ex husband to make sure he can't tell your boyfriend.
I'm more worried about you. You seem like someone with a conscience, and now you never know what would happen if you did tell your boyfriend, or if your ex decided to "find" you for old times sakes. Your conscience won't let you be, and that's a good thing for you.
I think, for your sake, break it off with your boyfriend. Seems you need to learn a bit more about yourself first.
Once you've sorted out your confusion, and your stupidity for sleeping with someone because you were angry at your partner, then maybe you two could hook up again and start afresh?
What is going to happen when you get angry at your boyfriend next time round? You don't sound ready for a serious relationship, not until you've sorted this potential anger-habit of yours.
Well done for having a conscience. Try and use it next time BEFORE you have fun on the side.
Good luck.
2007-08-21 02:47:08 · answer #3 · answered by justaguy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is always tough. I think in truth that if you want to make your current relationship work that you should not tell him. You were going through a rough time and sought out some compassion. I am not saying that what you did was great but maybe it is the kind of life-lesson that you have learned from. You should forgive yourself but always keep a little of the pain you feel alive to remind you not to stray again. The man you are with is a "boyfriend" and if you hope he becomes more then let the secret live with you. The only thing that would change my opinion would be your ex. If your ex is the kind of man that would never through your hoOK-up back in your face or confront your boyfriend then you should be ok... learn from this.
2007-08-21 03:34:39 · answer #4 · answered by No More 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hi Ally, Holding in a lie will eat you alive. Sometimes we know the consequences are going to hurt us and may end things but its best to confess. When we are mad we do irrational things. We do things to spite others and in the end it ultimately hurts us. Things always come out and it will be much better for you and the bf if you confess now. If you choose to wait and things get more serious between you, it will come out eventually and hurt you and him alot more and it may be something that can't be fixed then. If you really love him, explain to him what happened, why it happened and work on building your relationship with him from there.
2007-08-21 03:04:49 · answer #5 · answered by The Wižard 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being boyfriend and girfriend isn't the same as being husband and wife. You may have cheated on your boyfriend but it's not like you cheated in a marriage. If the split was mutual and you decided to go separate ways, there shouldn't be any obligation to be comitted to each other. I know you may feel bad but do you really know what he did while you were split up? I don't condone affairs in a marriage, but with your history or fighting and not speaking I don't think this constitutes adultry. It's my opinion, but maybe you should just wait it out and if the time presents itself to where you think he should know, then tell him. If he knows now he may not be able to really see why it happened, just that it happened. You and you alone have to decide what is right in your relationship and if you do decide you can't live with what happened, when is the best time to do it. The best in whatever you decide.
2007-08-21 02:48:35 · answer #6 · answered by Needtoknow 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Why not tell the truth, not just to your boyfriend that you cheated on, but in your question. You are not just afraid that it will crush him or hurt him, you are afraid that he will dump you and tell you exactly what he thinks of you. You are afraid of being found out. The poor guy thinks everything is going great all the while you are hiding this dirty little secret, you were having sex with another man just because the going got tough. What would that say to your current boyfriend about future tough spots. At least have the decency to tell him the truth and be big enough to take what ever the consequences are. He at least deserves that much.
2007-08-21 02:40:58 · answer #7 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 5⤊ 0⤋
I see this from (2) sides... You were on a break. Do you know what HE did while on the break? Does it matter? While on the break, you had a good time. You took a step to see about rekindling an old romance. And then decided that it wasn't for you. Own yourself. Own your actions. All you need to do is let your boyfriend know that you did meet up with your ex & after spending some time with him, you really know that divorcing him was the right decision. PERIOD! (if boyfriend asks about the sex & cannot handle it, then he also is not the one for you)
2007-08-21 03:03:29 · answer #8 · answered by T. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If only we would think before acting huh? why would you put yourself in such a terrible situation? what is it that we cannot say no to pressure or desire? all you had to do was to think about the stress and problems this would put on you. now what? telling your BF would be the end of that relationship. going back to your ex husband will be reminiscent of the past and there is no guarantee that it will last. i say keep your mouth shut, if you have no kids with your ex forget about him all around. no contact, no talks, no meet , erase his memory, pics, phone number address etc.
Start a new life.
2007-08-21 02:47:30 · answer #9 · answered by caliguy_30 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honesty is the best policy . If you tell the truth and it hurts you then he was not worth the wait was he ?... If your b/f loves you he will understand especially since he gave you no commitment ...he was a b/f but your husband was your husband. If your decision is to stay w/ your b/f then a mature man would know your relationship is built on trust b/c you gave him the truth...
2007-08-21 02:56:27 · answer #10 · answered by lilly l 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋